In the realm of Bei Mang, trade with Bei Liang flourished, particularly the exchange of horses for tea. Most of it was coarse tea, used to complement their diet, but over time, several ancient tea-horse trails gradually emerged. These paths carried fine teas such as Longjing, Biluo, and Dahongpao, and during the pre-rain and pre-Qingming seasons, the routes bustled with activity. Merchants and travelers filled the tea roads, and the border city of Liuxia, located in the southern reaches of Bei Mang, benefited greatly. With its proximity to water and several excellent springs, especially the Que She Spring—one of the seventy-two renowned springs under heaven—the city became home to countless tea houses and pavilions.
In the northeast corner of the city, near Yinding Bridge, stood a modest waterside teahouse. It bore no signboard, only a bamboo birdcage hanging by the door, inside which perched a green-feathered parrot with a red beak. Parrots are known for mimicking speech, but this one, upon seeing customers, would eagerly cry out, “Gong Gong! Gong Gong!”—a term of respect for elderly men. This naturally earned it scolding and even beatings, and combined with the teahouse’s humble appearance and its unremarkable tea—merely covered bowls of tea passed down from the old state of Xi Shu—it remained largely deserted. The tea served was common fare, the leaves nothing special, and the parrot’s antics only drove customers away.
The teahouse owner was an elderly man with a scholarly air, his hair completely white, though his face bore the features of a middle-aged man. With his cold and aloof demeanor, he had little talent for cultivating regular patrons.
The only assistant in the shop was a young man of decent appearance, who always carried a wooden sword at his side. Whenever an unfamiliar customer wandered in, the youth would eagerly serve them, but his overenthusiasm often annoyed the guests. Despite paying for their tea, they had no intention of returning. The teahouse’s business grew increasingly bleak, but the rent was low and the costs minimal, so they managed to scrape by.
As dusk fell, the old man sat by the window tuning a python-skin erhu. Earlier, a customer had recognized the quality of the ebony erhu and offered eighty taels of silver for it. Despite the young assistant’s urging—suggesting they could use the money to open a grander teahouse—the old man refused to sell. The youth was so frustrated he nearly considered roasting the parrot for dinner. Now, he prepared himself a bowl of egg noodles with scallions and sat at the next table, noisily slurping it down as he muttered, “Old Master Huang, if things keep going like this, we’ll be running at a loss. I know you don’t care about money, but my brother used to say that when you’re out in the jianghu, you can be free with your spending, but when doing business, you must never lose money. Old Master Huang, don’t pretend you didn’t hear me. I’m talking serious business here. If you keep ignoring me, I swear I’ll lose my temper!”
The cold old man cast a sidelong glance at the sword-wielding youth and sneered, “Xiao Wen, you just want to make money so you can upgrade this teahouse into a grand tea hall, right? Then you’ll have an excuse to ask me to hire a couple of pretty girls to work here. You’re just desperate for women. I’ve still got a few coins left. You can’t afford the big courtesan houses, but I can find you some decent streetwalkers. Too bad private prostitutes don’t offer the same virginity rewards as official ones.”
The young man slammed his bowl on the table in anger. “Old Master Huang, what the hell are you talking about?! Do you really think I’m that kind of guy?!”
The old man chuckled mockingly, “Well, well, the boy’s grown some backbone. Now he dares to slam the table in front of me. Want me to toss you into the Bei Mang palace and let that old empress try something new?”
The shabbily dressed swordsman grinned nervously, “Old Master Huang, you and I depend on each other. Let’s keep the peace. Are you hungry? Let me make you a bowl of scallion noodles, my specialty.”
The old man waved him off. “Go bring that parrot inside.”
The young man finished his noodles down to the last strand, even licking the bottom of the bowl, still looking unsatisfied. He went to the door to retrieve the birdcage, trying to teach the parrot new tricks along the way. He said, “Da Ye!” and the parrot replied, “Gong Gong!” He said, “Gu Liang!” and the parrot still said, “Gong Gong!” Enraged, he cursed, “You bastard!” and the parrot still chirped, “Gong Gong!” The young man reached into the cage to scold the stubborn bird, but the parrot flapped about, losing a few feathers. The old man sighed, “This old bird is already ancient for its kind. It doesn’t have many feathers left. Why are you getting angry at an animal?”
He tossed the birdcage onto the table and tried several sitting positions before giving up and dragging over another bench. Following Old Master Huang’s strange habit, he placed his head and feet on the bench, letting his body hang in the air, hands behind his head, staring blankly at the ceiling. The ceiling was stained with grease from the previous tenant, a roasted goose shop. He sighed, “Old Master Huang, I’m feeling really down right now. Why don’t you tell me another story from the jianghu? I love hearing your tales.”
The old man, always aloof, grumbled, “Nothing to say.”
The young man, ever the persistent type, softened his tone and continued on his own, “I know Old Master Huang is an old hand at the jianghu. You’ve got plenty of stories locked up inside. If you don’t want to share them, that’s fine. I’m a man with stories too. Back when I traveled the jianghu with my brother, it was just the two of us young men. We could practically fry pancakes on our butts, so we’d stay up late talking. And of course, we’d always end up talking about women. My brother was handsome, and I envied him. Whenever we went to a village to ask for water, if I knocked on the door, the women would act like they’d lost their virtue just by looking at me. They wouldn’t even open the door. But when Xu Xiao showed up, they’d swarm him like wolves. They’d give him water—and maybe even themselves. Sigh, it’s not his fault. He was born good-looking. What can a son do when his parents gave him that face? I can’t blame him, nor can I envy him. Every time I saw a pretty girl, I’d tell him, ‘Back then, I thought Xu Xiao had never seen a pig but had heard of pork. He’d talk big, saying this girl wasn’t good enough, that girl wasn’t right. It made me so mad. I told him I’d train so hard with the sword that I’d marry a beautiful female swordsman and make him jealous. Old Master Huang, guess what? He said that even the most beautiful women in the jianghu still have to eat, drink, and defecate. Do you think even those lofty immortal maidens have to fart too?”
The young man got so caught up in his story that he slapped his thigh and fell off the bench. He dusted himself off and lay back on the two benches, continuing, “He said you mustn’t get nervous around women, or you’ll stay single forever. Last time I was heading toward Bei Liang, I saw a girl and my palms were sweaty. Then I remembered what Xu Xiao said, and I calmed down. But when I imagined her farting, I started laughing like an idiot. Probably didn’t make a good impression on that fairy-like girl. Sigh, maybe that’s what Xu Xiao meant when he said you can’t have both bear paws and shark fins in the same bowl.”
The old man finally looked up and nodded, “That’s actually interesting.”
The wooden-sword youth smiled and muttered to himself, “I don’t care who Xu Xiao is now. Back then, we were both broke as hell. He had only a toothless old servant named Old Huang, same surname as you, but that Old Huang was as thin as a bamboo pole, shaking in the wind. And he had a poor-quality horse. That was all he owned. But I was proud and vain, always pretending to be rich. Whenever outsiders came, I’d boast that the horse was mine and the servant was my servant. Xu Xiao never exposed me. He even played along, helping me deceive those young girls visiting in spring. He’d act like my personal attendant. Several times, if I hadn’t messed up and revealed the truth myself, I might have actually succeeded. So how can you laugh at me for still being a virgin? Those rich kids have so-called friends who seem generous, but compared to their family wealth, their spending is just a drop in the ocean. Xu Xiao was different. Whatever he had, he was willing to share half with me. If I was starving, he might have given me everything. That’s why I’ll always consider him my only true brother from hard times. If I ever become a great hero by some stroke of luck, and make friends who share my tastes, they’ll be friends made in prosperity, not hardship. Even if I call them brothers, they’ll still be ten streets behind Xu Xiao.”
Wen Hua, the wooden-sword youth who had somehow ended up in Liuxia City of Bei Mang, snapped back to reality and curiously asked, “Old Master Huang, I’ve always wondered. For ordinary martial cultivators, if they don’t leap across rooftops, shake mountains with their aura, or slaughter enemies left and right, they’re too embarrassed to call themselves masters. It’s like when a woman is pregnant—everyone can see her belly. But you, Old Master Huang, how come? The sword techniques you’ve taught me seem legit. But you barely have any coins to your name, and not even a bit of pomp or ceremony? Did you commit a crime? Are we going to be raided by soldiers one day?”
The old man remained silent.
Wen Hua sighed, “I guess Old Master Huang has some unspeakable sorrows. I understand. I won’t pry.”
The old man chuckled softly, “Your knowledge isn’t even as much as that parrot’s. What do you understand?”
Wen Hua stood up in anger, “Old Master Huang, you can insult my looks, but not my intellect!”
The old man waved him off, “Get lost!”
Wen Hua quickly changed his tone, grinning, “Old Master Huang, tell me another story from the jianghu. Yours are more interesting than any storyteller’s. I’ll even give you a back massage.”
The old man frowned, “Want to hear a story? Make me a bowl of noodles first.”
Wen Hua’s face twitched as he went to the kitchen and made a bowl of scallion noodles, deliberately using fewer scallions. He presented it respectfully to the old man, who stirred it with chopsticks, finding even fewer scallions than expected. Wen Hua could only grin sheepishly. The old man, not one to dwell on small matters, began slowly, “There was once a legendary swordsman in the jianghu. Every time he drew his sword to kill, he bathed and burned incense.”
Wen Hua waited impatiently. Knowing the old man’s stinginess, he feared the story would end with the noodles. He quickly asked, “Then what happened?”
The old man didn’t keep him waiting but kept eating, “Then he got killed.”
Wen Hua rolled his eyes, cursing inwardly.
The old man continued blandly, “There was a beautiful female swordsman from a noble sect. Every time she traveled the jianghu, countless young men fawned over her. Then? Then the jianghu learned she was in a romantic relationship with her female apprentice. She preferred women.”
This time, the old man actually answered his own question.
Wen Hua smirked, “Probably because she never met a dashing, young, and promising swordsman like me.”
The old man He picked up a strand of noodles with his chopsticks.， Slurp it into your mouth.， After swallowing, he said slowly：“ There was a highly respected elder in the martial world.， On the grand occasion of his seventieth birthday， Double Happiness at the Door， The grandson took a wife.， The old master himself also took a beautiful concubine.， The little grandmother was younger in age than her own granddaughter-in-law.， Then？ None Then Understood。”
Wen Hua chuckled awkwardly.：“ And there are such shameless old martial arts seniors.？ What should we do now?， As young adventurers first stepping into the world of martial arts…， How to compete with those old bastards for women？”
The old man finished the last bite of his noodles.， He was an old fellow with an extremely disciplined daily routine.， The chopsticks rest on the edge of the bowl.， Even if you measure it with a ruler， Chopsticks must also be placed one inch away from the bowl.， Not a hair’s breadth off。 He picked up the erhu again.， Speaking of：“ So, whether it’s dynasties or…， The rivers and lakes, so be it.， I don’t like seeing some old geezers stubbornly trying to compete with the youngsters.， If a person just squats in the outhouse without doing their business, that’s one thing…， Not even a fart was heard.， Is this even acceptable?？ You say these people are already stuck in the latrine…， Why not just go eat shit， As for me， just an old farmer， Under the heavens, a fine sapling is planted here.， Running over there to dig out a vegetable patch.， The harvest will be bountiful.， What to rely on？ Besides relying on the heavens， Still need to rely on fertilization.， So those people in the latrine and their excrement came in handy.。”
No wonder the old man is fond of Xu’s way of thinking.， What a wonderful coincidence of different approaches leading to the same result!， However, Wen Hua had a rather peculiar expression on his face.， Thinking of you, someone who just finished a bowl of noodles.， I’m an old-timer myself.， It’s all about the latrine, shit, and farts.， This is quite outrageous.。
Old Huang chuckled.， Gazing out the window， He said in a flat tone.：“ Stand by kin, not by reason.， Saying this feels so satisfying and liberating.， Yet when injustice and humiliation befall me personally， Only then did I realize the greatest in all creation.， It’s still a matter of reason.， but the words of love and loyalty。 To uphold propriety and adhere to rites， It’s easy to turn someone into a solitary figure.， Not as effortless as affection and loyalty.。”
Wen Hua felt his head spinning.， Rolling eyes：“ Old Man Huang， Don’t give me that.。”
The old man chuckled and said,：“ Some people beg me, but I still won’t tell.， You’re being picky, aren’t you?， The problem is always picking the lean ones.， Not as good as those crop seedlings from before.， Your taste is trash, kid.， This lifetime has only been spent carelessly practicing the sword.。”
Wen Hua just couldn’t stand hearing that.， Changing the subject, he asked：“ Old Man Huang， Have you ever seen a genius with greater talent for swordplay than me?？”
The old man sneered coldly.：“ What do you think?？”
Wen Hua, laughing heartily, picked up his empty bowl and chopsticks.， Just going to take it back.， The old man suddenly asked.：“ Do you remember what I told you—that once you’ve mastered the sword, there’s one thing you must do and one person you must kill?？”
Wen Hua was taken aback for a moment.， Speaking of：“ Certainly， At that time, even if you ask me to take up my sword and slay the old emperor himself…， Also felt there was nothing more to say.。”
The old man waved his hand to shoo people away.：“ Killing an emperor might not compare to the person I want you to kill.， Even more interesting。”
Wen Hua wasn’t one for convoluted thoughts.， Nor do they trouble themselves with needless worries.， Don’t be deceived by his idle moments; even when he appears relaxed, his heart remains vigilant. Old Man Huang Grinning foolishly， When truly practicing swordsmanship， Insanely and utterly mad.， That ferocious intensity， It must have been ingrained since the womb.， It’s still a remnant from a past life.， Even the notoriously picky Old Man Huang secretly admired him.。
Wen Hua with his wooden sword took a few steps forward.， Suddenly turned around， asked with an awkward expression：“ Old Man Huang， This parrot keeps squawking “Grandpa” every single day.， You couldn’t possibly be one of those eunuchs from the Eight Kingdoms of the Spring and Autumn period, could you?？ Have you ever met His Majesty the Emperor and Her Majesty the Empress?？”
Old Man Huang Take a deep breath.， With a smile。
Wen Hua turned and fled.。
The old man leaned against the back of his chair by the window.， A birdcage sits on the table.， The aged parrot in the cage， Though a rare breed with emerald feathers and crimson beak, the Daimei.， In the past, only the imperial palace could afford to keep and amuse them.， But this one could die at any moment.， Thus, it is no longer valuable.。 Self-mockery is just an old farmer in this world, here with a hoe, there with a hammer, squinting his eyes.， drowsy， murmured：“ Beyond a thousand mountains lie another thousand.， This is the realm.。 Amidst the splendor of the six palaces, only you stand out.， This is the beauty.。 Rare are the days when beauty and power both stay.， Reason and emotion are even harder to reconcile.…… Compared to some women， How many men in this world are but eunuchs.。”
The parrot was there again, muttering incessantly.：“ father-in-law， father-in-law……”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage