“About enough,” Hunyuanzi reminded him. “Now, quickly, sprinkle some dandruff in!”
“Dandruff? What dandruff?” Although Yang Hao was already quite familiar with Hunyuanzi’s eccentric ways of concocting pills, adding cola had once pushed Yang Hao to the edge of his understanding. Now he was being asked to sprinkle dandruff—this was simply driving him crazy.
“You don’t understand anything! I struggled for a long time trying to make this pill until one day, after not washing my hair for thirty days straight, I accidentally succeeded. Later, I discovered that this pill can only be made using dandruff from a man’s scalp as the catalyst,” Hunyuanzi explained, spouting complete nonsense.
While reluctantly sprinkling dandruff into the cauldron, Yang Hao worried, “But I’ve only gone three days without washing my hair. Do you think that’s enough? Are all alchemists expected to live in filth permanently?”
As he was speaking, the cauldron suddenly exploded with a bang. After the blue smoke cleared, a bizarre, deep-blue pill lay at the bottom.
“Is this it?” Yang Hao picked it up and sniffed. Instantly, a pungent, ammonia-like stench nearly made him drop the pill. “Damn it! Why does everything you make smell so terrible? Is it really so hard to create something pleasant-tasting and fragrant?”
“What good is a pleasant smell? The key is effectiveness!” Hunyuanzi replied in a sarcastic tone, as if Yang Hao had touched a nerve. “Now swallow it.”
“Why should I eat it? I’m not even poisoned!” Yang Hao protested.
“How else can we test if it’s effective?” Hunyuanzi’s voice sounded suspiciously sly.
Yang Hao, however, didn’t catch on. He had no idea that back when Hunyuanzi was studying cultivation among his peers, he was constantly mocked for never being able to concoct a pill that didn’t stink. His fellow apprentices even gave him a nickname—”Stinky Egg.” This cursed nickname had haunted Hunyuanzi through his youth, nearly ruining his chances with women. Thus, he hated it most when others criticized his love potions for their foul smell. Yang Hao had brought this up repeatedly, so Hunyuanzi naturally wanted revenge.
Poor Yang Hao, had he known all this, he wouldn’t have ended up molested by women in such a humiliating way. Without a second thought, he swallowed the blue pill.
It was a disaster waiting to happen. Hunyuanzi clearly knew what was coming, so he had already retreated to a safe corner inside Yang Hao’s body. Yang Hao only realized something was wrong after the pill had slid into his stomach. Inside his abdomen, streams of energy began to gather, flowing like small creeks in the same direction until they merged into a vast, surging ocean. His belly swelled instantly, filled with something unknown. Before he could even react, he felt a sudden warmth at his backside, followed by a loud “Boom!”—and suddenly, he was flying.
Of course, Yang Hao didn’t just fly up into the air for no reason. He had simply let out a fart.
Everyone farts. Some do it timely, others awkwardly, but no two farts are ever the same. Yet, no matter how different they are, today Yang Hao’s would undoubtedly mark a new chapter in history, for it was the universe’s most powerful, unmatched, and superlative fart.
A pale-blue mass, like high-pressure gas, shot from Yang Hao’s backside, and the resulting recoil propelled him high into the air, flinging him nearly ten meters upward. Beneath where Yang Hao’s butt had been, the metal floor had dented into a large crater.
This astonishing fart was truly breathtaking—enough to leave anyone stunned and intoxicated.
Yang Hao remained dazed mid-air, and when he crashed heavily back to the ground, the tearing pain across his body finally brought him back to his senses.
“Damn it, Hunyuanzi! You bastard! You’re the biggest bastard ever!” Yang Hao roared. Never in his life had he felt so humiliated. Being molested by hundreds of women was bad enough, but now, in front of thousands of women, he had let out a fart so powerful it launched him into the sky. Could life get any worse?
“Exactly!” Hunyuanzi, thoroughly pleased with himself, exclaimed joyfully, “This is the new auxiliary pill I’ve just taught you. Its name is ‘Blues’!”
“‘Rotten’ would be more like it,” Yang Hao muttered, sitting amidst the blue fart gas.
“No, no, ‘Blues’—B-L-U-E. Ever heard of music?” Hunyuanzi sighed, shaking his head. “So uncultured. Don’t you even like music?”
“‘Rotten’ still fits better,” Yang Hao grumbled. However, he noticed that although the method was disgraceful, the effect was indeed impressive. As the blue gas drifted toward the women, those previously driven wild by the aphrodisiac began to regain clarity. Their skin regained its whiteness, and their dull eyes slowly regained some luster. However, the amount of gas Yang Hao had released was too little and too weak to fully restore everyone.
“Can something like this actually work?” Yang Hao was stunned. “This terrible thing can actually help people recover from aphrodisiac effects?”
“What are you waiting for? Make more!” Hunyuanzi proudly encouraged. “Be a good apprentice and keep learning from your master. Don’t expect to finish learning everything for a few hundred years.”
“I’m not farting anymore! I refuse to fart again! And I won’t eat any more of these ‘Rotten’ pills!” Yang Hao declared firmly. “Never! Never again!”
“Well…” Hunyuanzi mumbled, with a tone bordering on mockery, “Actually, if you just crush the pill into powder and scatter it into the air, mixing it with the atmosphere here, that would work too.”
Yang Hao paused, then realization dawned on him. “So that means I didn’t have to eat it and fart it out? So you made me eat it just to mess with me?”
“You could see it that way,” Hunyuanzi nodded wisely, then added sensibly, “I’m going to sleep now. Good luck!”
Yang Hao was almost driven insane with rage. The world was too dark—so dark it nearly robbed him of the will to live.
But if he couldn’t live, what else could he do?
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