“Plunk, plunk…” The more anxious Liu Dashao became, the clumsier his hands grew. Within a mere ten minutes, he had turned his living room completely upside down. The way he was going at it looked like he was preparing for a fight.
Coincidentally, at this very moment, his father had just finished weeding the fields, and was walking home with a hoe on his shoulder, swaying with every step while humming an old Shanghai tune. But as soon as he pushed open the door, he was stunned by the mess inside—chairs scattered everywhere, a duster here and there—making him think his house had been robbed. He spat out a mouthful of saliva instinctively, grabbed the hoe from his shoulder, and prepared to strike the “thief” still rummaging around. Behind him, his wife, Wang Guihua, raised a clay teapot high in the air, apparently ready to deliver a follow-up blow.
“Old woman, our… our house…” Wang Guihua whispered nervously.
“Shhh…”
“Listen to that noise, the thief hasn’t left yet! Damn it, how greedy can one get! Let’s sneak in quietly and not let the grass rustle and scare the snake!” Compared to Wang Guihua, Liu Dashao’s father, Liu Shilao, remained calm and even knew a couple of idioms, showing his strategic thinking.
“Right, right, right…” Wang Guihua nodded repeatedly, her admiration for Liu Shilao flowing like endless tides of the Yangtze and like the Yellow River overflowing, unstoppable. She thought to herself: I sure didn’t marry this man for nothing. Don’t let the word “honest” in his name fool you—he’s actually quite sharp. She got so lost in thought that she nearly dropped the teapot she was holding, causing Liu Shilao to quickly dodge out of the way, fearing he might become the first victim.
“Alright, alright, you stay outside. I’ll go in alone. Put that teapot down now before you end up cracking my head instead of hitting the thief!” Liu Shilao said, half-amused and half-exasperated.
“Just be careful, dear husband.”
“Alright.” With that, Liu Shilao carefully used the hoe to lift the door panel aside, squinted his eyes to peek inside, and then stealthily approached the source of the sound—the big cabinet near the wall.
The sound came intermittently, clearly indicating the thief was searching through drawers, opening one after another, making quite a racket. As Liu Shilao drew closer, a cold smile slowly appeared on his wrinkled face.
“Ugh, where the heck did they put all this stuff!” came an impatient voice from behind the large cabinet.
Hey, what kind of thief complains about being tired while stealing? Liu Shilao had never seen such a rare specimen in his entire life. He smirked and said, “Who keeps valuables in the living room? You should start looking from the kang bed.”
The person behind the cabinet didn’t seem to react at first, but then casually replied, “The kang bed? Impossible, impossible. Only a fool would hide things there.”
“Why not? If you leave money in the living room, of course it’ll get lost!” Liu Shilao argued back.
“Who said I’m looking for money? I’m looking for joss paper and incense sticks!”
“Joss paper and incense sticks?” Liu Shilao almost bit his own tongue. What kind of world was this? He had heard of thieves stealing gold and money, but who would steal things meant for the dead? Could this guy have some weird fetish?
“Yeah, I don’t know where Mom put all that stuff. I remember seeing it in this cabinet last time. Maybe we used it all up? I don’t recall any neighbors passing away recently either!” The voice sounded puzzled, scratching his head in confusion.
Now that he was closer, Liu Shilao recognized the voice. The tone, the pitch—no doubt about it, it was his own idle and mischievous son.
“Damn it, you little brat, what are you up to! Look at this mess! Don’t tear the house down!” Liu Shilao rounded the cabinet and saw Liu Dashao crouched there, frantically searching through things.
“Dad, you’re back early! What’s with the hoe? Oh, by the way, where did we put all the joss paper? I’ve been looking for ages!” Liu Dashao looked up, smiled sheepishly at his father.
“I was about to ask you the same thing! What do you need those ominous things for?” Liu Shilao demanded angrily.
“N-nothing…” Liu Dashao muttered, “I just thought about burning some paper and lighting incense for our ancestors.”
“For our ancestors? Burn paper and light incense?” Liu Shilao now seriously doubted whether his son’s head had been kicked by the neighbor’s donkey that pulled the millstone. His son, Liu Dashao, was notorious for never doing anything responsible, except causing trouble. Burning incense for ancestors? If he didn’t tear up the family genealogy and fold it into paper airplanes, it would be a miracle from the Bodhisattva himself. He didn’t even know his great-grandfather’s name, let alone actually worshiping ancestors!
“Yeah, just tell me where it is, I need to go right away.” Liu Dashao stood up from the ground, dusted off his clothes, and urged.
“Wait…” Liu Shilao dropped the hoe and waved his hand to stop him, “Son, are you sick? Do you have a fever or caught a cold? Should I ask Dr. Li from the village clinic to check you out? I gave him a pack of vermicelli last time, he still owes me a favor.”
“Me? Sick? Fever? Cold?” Liu Dashao pointed at himself, “No way! I’m strong and healthy, not a single illness!”
“Then did you hit your head?” Liu Shilao still refused to believe, determined to find something wrong with Liu Dashao.
“Dad, what’s wrong with you!” Liu Dashao was getting overwhelmed.
“It’s not me, it’s you!” Liu Shilao’s facial muscles twitched. Behind him, Wang Guihua, who had been listening to the father-son conversation, was now shedding tears of affection and concern: “My dear son, it’s all my fault. I wasn’t home to watch over you and you must have hit your head.”
“Dad, Mom, oh forget it! I can’t even explain to you two!” Liu Dashao felt that even if he had three heads, eight mouths, four arms, and twelve legs, he still couldn’t make them understand.
“I just want to visit the ancestral grave, is that wrong?”
“No wrong in that!” Liu Shilao shook his head repeatedly.
“Then why are you both acting so weird?”
“Son, the problem is that from the day you were born till now, you’ve never once visited the ancestral grave of the Liu family. You don’t even know your great-grandfather’s name. Now suddenly you want to burn joss paper at the ancestral grave, how could we not worry that you’ve hit your head?” Liu Shilao said with a pained expression.
“Oh…” Liu Dashao smiled awkwardly. Truth be told, he really couldn’t remember his great-grandfather’s name. Come to think of it, he had even forgotten his grandfather’s name.
“Your mother stored the joss paper and incense sticks in the kitchen. If you need them, I can give them to you, but you must tell me clearly why you suddenly want to go to the ancestral grave to pay your respects.” Wang Guihua stepped forward, grabbing Liu Dashao’s hand.
“Er…” Liu Dashao originally wanted to tell them about the strange events from last night, but he feared his parents would worry (actually, he was more afraid that his father would find out he had sneaked out at night to gamble), so he hesitated for a while before making up an excuse: “Well… hehehe…”
“Don’t just laugh foolishly, tell me the truth!” Liu Shilao wouldn’t let his slippery son, more slippery than an eel, off the hook so easily. He needed an explanation.
“Hmm, you see, I’ve been getting along pretty well with Yanzi lately, right? So I was thinking about burning some incense for our ancestors and asking them to bless me so I can marry Yanzi and bring her home to be your daughter-in-law.” Liu Dashao said half-truthfully and half-deceitfully, quickly lowering his head afterward, fearing his father would see through his lie.
But his effort was completely unnecessary. As soon as the word “daughter-in-law” came up, Liu Shilao and Wang Guihua’s eyes immediately lit up. They exchanged glances and grinned like a couple who had just seduced a beautiful girl and a young man respectively. Seeing Liu Dashao lower his head, they didn’t think anything else of it, assuming their shameless son had finally become shy for once.
“You little brat! How old are you anyway? Already thinking about such things!” Liu Shilao scolded with a smile, his mouth wide open in delight.
“Tsk, our dear son did the right thing this time. As his mother, I fully support him!” Wang Guihua pushed Liu Shilao aside, rolling her eyes, thinking to herself: I’ve been longing for a grandson, you old man shouldn’t discourage his enthusiasm.
“You…” Liu Shilao’s words were silenced by her glare.
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