Chapter 35:

When you really want to see someone, it’s truly impossible to hold back. No matter how late it is or how exhausted your body feels, you’re still willing to overcome every obstacle just to rush to that person’s side.

It’s not even about gaining something in return; it’s simply the desire to catch a glimpse or exchange a few words.

The nights in Beijing in August aren’t particularly cold, but on overcast days, they aren’t particularly warm either. Shen Qingzhou was dressed lightly. He hadn’t expected to wait here for long. The thin trousers and shirt he wore were occasionally wrinkled by the wind. He glanced into the distance, pinched the bridge of his nose, leaned against the nearby wall, bent his long legs slightly, and bent his head to fiddle with his phone.

It’s not like he hadn’t considered going inside to wait. But since the last time he had confessed his conflict with Lin Qiao to Lin Weiming, the latter had stopped contacting him altogether. As the girl’s father, Shen Qingzhou could understand the anger Lin Weiming must feel inside, so he had no intention of going to be scolded, nor did he want to make Lin Qiao feel awkward.

A rumble of thunder sounded. Shen Qingzhou raised his head, frowned at the gloomy sky, put his phone back into his pocket, and looked toward the street corner. There was still no sign of the familiar silver car.

He hesitated a little, but ultimately decided not to leave. As his long wait continued, Lin Qiao was getting closer and closer to home, but arriving even faster than her was an unexpected sudden downpour.

Such rain passed quickly, yet it arrived with incredible intensity. Large raindrops struck Shen Qingzhou’s body. With nowhere to shelter, he was soon soaked through. He exhaled deeply, wiped the rainwater from his face, and looked again toward the corner. This time, he spotted a familiar black Lexus approaching.

The rain was heavy, and the car’s headlights were blinding. The water splashing against the car created a hazy mist, giving it an ethereal silhouette. It seemed as if the car had driven straight from the edge of the world, directly into the most sensitive recesses of Shen Qingzhou’s heart.

From a distance, he couldn’t make out the license plate number. But as it drew closer, no matter how hard he tried, the cruel truth could no longer be ignored.

It was Qin Muyao’s car.

The black Lexus slowly pulled to a stop in front of Lin’s residence. Shen Qingzhou stood leaning against the wall a short distance away. His soaked shirt clung to his body, making him feel even colder in his already thin attire. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether his trembling hands were due to the physical chill or the coldness in his heart.

The car headlights slowly dimmed. Through the heavy rain, Shen Qingzhou saw Lin Qiao sitting in the front passenger seat, staring at him in a daze. She seemed surprised to see him here, her face showing shock. Compared to her astonishment, Qin Muyao, sitting in the driver’s seat, appeared far more composed.

As if suddenly realizing something, Lin Qiao quickly got out of the car. As she ran toward Shen Qingzhou, she took off her jacket and covered him with it. In truth, in such heavy rain, it made little difference whether she did or not, but she still insisted. She ran straight up to him, stood on tiptoe, and raised her hands high to keep the jacket over his head.

When you desperately want to see someone, it’s truly impossible to hold back. No matter how late it is or how exhausted you are, you’re willing to overcome any obstacle to rush to their side.

It’s not about expecting anything in return—just a glimpse or a few words would suffice.

August nights in Beijing aren’t exactly cold, but they aren’t particularly warm on overcast days either. Shen Qingzhou was dressed lightly. He hadn’t anticipated having to wait so long, and the thin fabric of his trousers and shirt occasionally rippled in the wind. Gazing into the distance, he pinched the bridge of his nose, leaned against the wall nearby, bent one long leg, and lowered his head to fiddle with his phone.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered waiting inside, but ever since he had openly discussed his conflict with Lin Qiao with Lin Huiming, the latter hadn’t contacted him. As the father of the girl, Shen Qingzhou could understand the anger in Lin Huiming’s heart, so he had no intention of inviting a scolding or putting Lin Qiao in an awkward position.

A low rumble of thunder echoed. Shen Qingzhou looked up at the gloomy sky, frowned, tucked his phone back into his pocket, and turned his gaze toward the intersection. The familiar silver car was still nowhere in sight.

Hesitant but ultimately unwilling to leave, Shen Qingzhou continued his long wait. As he stood there, Lin Qiao drew closer to home, but what arrived even faster than her was a sudden downpour.

Such rain passes quickly but arrives with fierce intensity. Large raindrops pelted Shen Qingzhou’s body. With nowhere to take shelter, he was soon drenched from head to toe. He let out a long sigh, wiped the rainwater from his face, and looked toward the intersection again. This time, he spotted a familiar black Lexus.

The rain was heavy, and the car’s headlights were blinding. The mist rising from the splashing water enveloped the car in a hazy silhouette, as if it had driven straight from the ends of the earth into the most sensitive depths of Shen Qingzhou’s heart.

From a distance, the license plate was unreadable. But as it drew closer, even the pouring rain couldn’t obscure the cruel truth.

It was Qin Muyao’s car.

The black Lexus slowly came to a stop in front of the Lin residence. Shen Qingzhou stood leaning against the wall not far away, his soaked shirt clinging to his body, making him feel even colder in his already light clothing. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether the trembling in his hands was due to the physical cold or the chill in his heart.

The headlights gradually dimmed. Through the heavy curtain of rain, Shen Qingzhou saw Lin Qiao sitting in the passenger seat, staring at him in stunned silence. She seemed shocked to see him there, her face filled with astonishment. In contrast, Qin Muyao in the driver’s seat appeared far calmer.

As if suddenly snapping back to reality, Lin Qiao quickly got out of the car. She ran toward Shen Qingzhou while taking off her jacket to hold it over his head. In such heavy rain, it hardly made a difference, but she persisted anyway, rushing straight to him, standing on her tiptoes, and raising her arms high to shield him with her jacket.

Her dark, wet hair clung to her pale face. The worry and heartache on her expression were unmistakably genuine, a realization that left Shen Qingzhou deeply conflicted.

“Why are you standing here? Don’t you know it’s raining? Why didn’t you go inside?” Lin Qiao grabbed Shen Qingzhou’s wrist and pulled him toward the gate without even glancing at the car parked nearby. But Shen Qingzhou couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

Soon, Lin Qiao realized she couldn’t move him. He was a grown man, and even if he was unwell, his determination to stay put was something she, as a woman, couldn’t override.

Puzzled, she turned to look at him and found him staring expressionlessly at Qin Muyao’s car. His rain-soaked lips were pale and bloodless, and the wrist she held trembled almost imperceptibly.

Lin Qiao knew he must have misunderstood, but this wasn’t the place to explain. She tugged at him forcefully, finally drawing his gaze to her. She spoke loudly, afraid the rain would drown out her words: “Let’s go inside first! Don’t overthink things!”

Shen Qingzhou pressed his pale lips together. His deep eyes resembled shattered stars. If not for the rain, she might have been able to tell if there was something else in his red-rimmed eyes. But now, she had no way of knowing.

Slowly, Shen Qingzhou pulled his wrist back and turned to leave without a backward glance. His black figure moved swiftly through the rain, his slender yet tall frame still upright but somehow appearing far lonelier than before.

Qin Muyao never left. He watched everything unfold from inside the car. Seeing Shen Qingzhou emerge, he took two umbrellas he always kept in the backseat, stepped out of the car, and blocked Shen Qingzhou’s path.

Shen Qingzhou looked at Qin Muyao emotionlessly. Qin Muyao held one umbrella while offering the other to him. Under the shelter of the umbrella, Qin Muyao was impeccably dressed and handsome, a stark contrast to Shen Qingzhou, who was drenched and struggling to keep his eyes open. Who was more pitiful was clear at a glance.

Lin Qiao had already caught up by then. She hurried to Shen Qingzhou’s side, took the umbrella from Qin Muyao, thanked him, and opened it. She tried to pull Shen Qingzhou back again, but after a few steps, he stopped once more. Lin Qiao held the umbrella, biting her lip as she looked up at him. His gaze was fixed elsewhere, on a place where no one stood, and it was unclear what he was looking at.

Unable to pull him away and unwilling to go back alone, a frustrated Lin Qiao simply tossed the umbrella aside, wrapped her arms around his waist, and stood still.

Only then did Shen Qingzhou have to look at her. Her clothes were already soaked through. The house was right in front of them, yet she hadn’t gone back. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of心疼, but remembering who was still standing behind them, he couldn’t bring himself to show any tenderness toward her.

He was utterly exhausted. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, and his expression seemed lost. “Haven’t I been good enough to you?” he asked softly. Then, slowly pushing her away, he added in a tone that sounded almost ridiculous, “You told me you were at home, feeling unwell, and couldn’t come to the hospital to see me. I believed you. I was even worried you were sick, so I took a taxi to come find you. When I found out you weren’t home, I still thought you might be working at the office and didn’t want me to bother you. I waited here for you to return, but look what you did.”

Lin Qiao was left speechless by his questions. She wanted to explain but didn’t know where to start. Standing helplessly in the rain, she looked at him with a pitiful expression. Shen Qingzhou’s countless words of责备 melted away, leaving only one sentence: “Lin Qiao, I’ve made mistakes. But does that mean that no matter what I do from now on, it will never be right?”

“…No,” Lin Qiao said hoarsely, her voice choked with emotion. “It’s not what you think. Come inside with me, and let me explain.”

Shen Qingzhou shook his head, bent down to pick up the umbrella, and shoved it into her hand. Before turning to leave, he said calmly, “I’m tired.”

His body hadn’t yet recovered, and now, drenched by the rain, every step was a struggle. A sharp pain in his stomach felt like it was being twisted, almost bringing him to his knees. Yet, he forced himself to keep walking, stubbornly passing Qin Muyao, who still stood in the rain. His stubbornness was evident.

Du Xinling, who had discovered Shen Qingzhou was missing from the hospital, soon came out to look for him. Xie Jiayi had learned about Shen Qingzhou’s illness from Du Xinling. Du Xinling had anticipated that Xie Jiayi would want to talk to Lin Qiao, so he guessed Lin Qiao might not be home at this time. Moreover, Lin Huiming and Shen Qingzhou were like fire and water—Shen Qingzhou likely wouldn’t be allowed into the Lin residence. Without a car and caught in the rain, things would only get worse.

When Du Xinling arrived at the Lin residence, he happened to see Shen Qingzhou, soaked to the bone, stumbling toward the intersection, looking as if he might collapse at any moment.

He immediately parked the car, grabbed an umbrella, and rushed over to support Shen Qingzhou, holding the umbrella over him.

Once he had steadied the patient, Du Xinling glanced toward the entrance of the Lin residence. Qin Muyao and Lin Qiao stood there, polarized. It was clear what had just happened.

With a worried sigh, Du Xinling helped Shen Qingzhou back to the car, and the two soon disappeared from the scene.

Lin Qiao stood holding the umbrella, watching as the rain swallowed their figures. Gradually, she noticed the rain was letting up, as if the downpour had only been meant to match their moods. Once Shen Qingzhou left, the rain stopped, the sky cleared, and everything felt renewed.

Closing the umbrella and ignoring the light drizzle, Lin Qiao walked over to Qin Muyao to return the umbrella. She thanked him dryly and turned to go home.

Qin Muyao reached out and grabbed her wrist, asking softly, “If you’re feeling upset, I can keep you company.”

Lin Qiao挣脱ed his hand and said without looking back, “Even if I needed someone to keep me company, it wouldn’t be you.” With that, she ran toward the house, dashed through the gate soaking wet, ignored Lin Huiming’s surprised gaze, rushed up to the second floor, and entered the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and let it pour over her from head to toe, then crouched in the corner, hugging her knees and staring blankly ahead.

What should she do now? Xie Jiayi had said she didn’t want Shen Qingzhou to know about their meeting. How could she explain to Shen Qingzhou why she was with Qin Muyao? Even if she skipped the part about Xie Jiayi, would he believe her explanation? Would he even give her a chance to explain?

Burying her head between her knees, Lin Qiao let out a deep sigh and remained motionless for a long time.

Lin Huiming stood outside the bathroom, looking thoughtfully at the water stains on the stairs. He took out his phone and dialed Shen Qingzhou’s number, but all he got was a message saying the number was temporarily unavailable. He had a pretty good idea of what was going on.

No matter what had happened, it was undoubtedly connected to Shen Qingzhou. It seemed his daughter would never escape that man’s shadow in this lifetime.

And the man regarded as a shadow was currently sitting in the passenger seat of a car, clutching his stomach in pain, his brow furrowed as he struggled to endure.

Du Xinling drove quickly, speeding along, but Beijing’s traffic was notoriously bad, and the rain had made the congestion even worse. Stuck in the gridlock, he could only fret helplessly.

While waiting at a red light, Du Xinling used a towel to dry the rain from Shen Qingzhou’s face and hair. Seeing his pale lips and pained expression, he couldn’t help but scold him: “I told you not to go out. Now look what happened—you saw something you didn’t want to see, and you’re the one suffering for it!”

Shen Qingzhou forced his eyes open. His dark pupils gazed quietly at Du Xinling, who expected him to muster a retort. Instead, after a long pause, Shen Qingzhou asked slowly and softly, “Du Xinling, tell me—what does it mean when a woman is good to a man but then turns around, hides things from him, goes out with another man, and lies to him about being at home, making him worry for nothing?”

Du Xinling wanted to explain on Lin Qiao’s behalf, but Shen Qingzhou didn’t give him a chance to speak. He continued, “Can one person love two people at the same time? If not, does it mean she never loved the person she deceived?”

Du Xinling turned his gaze back to the road. As he drove, he said, “I think you should save your energy for now. If you lose your life, none of this will matter. I hope you remember you’re not just living for yourself—you have a son and a mother to take care of. You need to shoulder your responsibilities, not stubbornly dwell on things like this.” He paused, then lowered his voice. “As for your question, I think you should figure out whether you love her before you worry about whether she loves you.”

Shen Qingzhou opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Du Xinling drove the car into the hospital parking lot and continued, “Can’t even speak from the pain, can you? It serves you right. You want to know the reason but won’t give her a chance to explain. Aren’t you afraid you’ll misunderstand her, hurt both of you, and make those who care about you suffer while your enemies rejoice? Be careful—you might be giving someone else an opportunity.”

Shen Qingzhou closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. After a long silence, he said very softly, “I love her.”

His voice was so low that Du Xinling almost wondered if he had misheard. But then Shen Qingzhou continued, “I’ve doubted this feeling before, but if I didn’t love her, how could I be so heartbroken?”

It felt as though the future had suddenly vanished, leaving him trapped between unbearable pain and the inability to let go.

“Why are you standing here? Don’t you know it’s raining? Why didn’t you go inside?” Lin Qiao grabbed Shen Qingzhou’s wrist and pulled him toward the gate, not even glancing at the car parked nearby. But Shen Qingzhou couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

Soon, Lin Qiao realized she couldn’t pull him any further. He was a grown man. Even if he was ill, he wouldn’t be stopped from staying where he wanted by a woman like her.

Confused, she turned to look back and saw Shen Qingzhou expressionlessly staring at Qin Muyao’s car. His lips, washed pale by the rain, were almost bloodless. The wrist she held in her hand trembled ever so slightly.

Lin Qiao knew he must have misunderstood, but this wasn’t the place to explain. If she wanted to clarify things, they needed to go inside first. She tugged hard at him, finally managing to draw his gaze to her. She shouted, afraid the heavy rain would prevent him from hearing her voice: “Let’s go inside first. Don’t think too much!”

Shen Qingzhou pressed his pale lips together. His deep eyes looked like shattered stars. If not for the rain, she might have been able to tell whether there was something else in his reddened eyes, but right now, she was helpless.

Shen Qingzhou slowly pulled his wrist free, turned around without looking back, and walked away quickly into the rain. His tall, thin figure remained upright, yet he looked far more desolate than usual.

Qin Muyao hadn’t left yet. From inside the car, he had witnessed everything. Seeing Shen Qingzhou emerge, he took out two umbrellas he always kept in the back seat, opened the car door, and stepped out, blocking Shen’s path.

Shen Qingzhou looked at Qin Muyao expressionlessly. Qin held one umbrella in one hand and extended the other to him. Under the umbrella, Qin was neatly dressed and handsome, a stark contrast to Shen, who was drenched and struggling to keep his eyes open. Who looked more pitiful was obvious.

At this point, Lin Qiao had already run out. She quickly approached Shen Qingzhou’s side, took the umbrella from Qin, said thanks, opened it, and again pulled Shen back toward the house. After a few steps, Shen stopped again. Lin Qiao, holding the umbrella, bit her lip and looked up at him. His gaze was fixed elsewhere, at an empty spot. No one was there; she had no idea what he was looking at.

Unable to pull him and unwilling to return alone, a frustrated Lin Qiao finally threw the umbrella aside and hugged his waist, refusing to move.

Only then did Shen Qingzhou reluctantly turn his gaze back to her. Her clothes were already soaked through. The house was right ahead, yet she didn’t go back inside. He couldn’t help feeling a pang of concern for her. But thinking of who was still standing behind him, he couldn’t bring himself to show any tenderness toward her.

He was extremely exhausted. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, and his expression was bewildered: “Haven’t I been good enough to you?” he asked softly, then pushed Lin Qiao away slowly, his tone turning bitter and mocking. “You told me you were at home, that you were feeling unwell and couldn’t come to the hospital. I believed you. I was even worried you were sick, so I took a taxi all the way here to find you. When I found out you weren’t home, I thought maybe you were working at the company, afraid I’d scold you for going. I waited here for you to come back, but this is how you’ve repaid me.”

Lin Qiao had no words to answer him. She wanted to explain but didn’t know where to begin. She stood in the rain, helpless and pitiful, looking at him. Shen Qingzhou found himself unable to continue his accusations. Thousands of words turned into just one sentence: “Lin Qiao, am I wrong just because I missed something? Is everything I do from now on always going to be wrong?”

“…No,” Lin Qiao finally answered, her voice choked. “It’s not like what you think. Come inside with me. Let me explain everything to you.”

Shen Qingzhou shook his head, bent down to pick up the umbrella, placed it in her hand, and turned to leave. Before leaving, he said softly, “I’m tired.”

His body hadn’t fully recovered yet, and now he was soaked from the rain. Walking even a few steps was difficult. His stomach felt as if it had been twisted, causing him intense pain, almost to the point of cramping. Yet, he stubbornly continued forward, passing Qin Muyao, who was still standing in the rain. His stubbornness was evident.

Du Xinling, realizing Shen Qingzhou was missing from the hospital, quickly came out to look for him. Xie Jiayi had learned about Shen Qingzhou’s illness from Du Xinling. Du had anticipated that Xie would want to talk to Lin Qiao, so he guessed Lin Qiao might not be home at this hour. Moreover, Lin Weiming and Shen Qingzhou were already at odds. Du suspected Shen would likely be unable to enter Lin’s house. Since Shen hadn’t driven, getting caught in the rain would be a disaster.

When Du Xinling arrived at the entrance to Lin’s house, he just happened to see Shen Qingzhou, soaked through, staggering toward the corner, his body swaying unsteadily.

Du immediately parked the car, grabbed an umbrella, and rushed over, supporting Shen and holding the umbrella over him.

After stabilizing the sick man, Du turned his gaze toward the entrance of Lin’s house. Qin Muyao and Lin Qiao stood apart, clearly indicating what had just happened.

With a heavy sigh, Du helped Shen Qingzhou back into the car, and the two quickly disappeared from the scene.

Lin Qiao stood holding the umbrella, watching the rain swallow their figures. Gradually, she noticed the rain was getting lighter, as if it had poured heavily just to match their moods. Once Shen Qingzhou left, the sky cleared, and everything seemed renewed.

Putting the umbrella away and ignoring the light drizzle, Lin Qiao walked up to Qin Muyao and handed him the umbrella. She dryly thanked him again before turning to go home.

Qin Muyao reached out and grabbed her wrist, whispering, “If you’re feeling upset, I can stay with you.”

Lin Qiao pulled her hand free and didn’t even look back. “Even if I needed someone to be with me, that someone wouldn’t be you.” With that, she ran toward the house, drenched, rushing through the front door, ignoring Lin Weiming’s surprised gaze, and sprinting upstairs directly into the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and let it pour over her from head to toe, then crouched in the corner, hugging her knees, staring blankly ahead.

What should she do now? Xie Jiayi had said she didn’t want Shen Qingzhou to know about their meeting. So how could she explain to Shen why she was with Qin Muyao? If she left out Xie Jiayi’s involvement, would he believe her explanation? Would he even give her a chance to explain?

Burying her head between her knees, Lin Qiao let out a deep breath and remained motionless for a long time.

Lin Weiming stood outside the bathroom, looking at the water trail on the stairs with a contemplative expression. He took out his phone and dialed Shen Qingzhou’s number. The call went to a message saying the number was temporarily unreachable. He somewhat understood what had happened.

No matter what occurred, this matter was inevitably tied to Shen Qingzhou. His daughter probably wouldn’t escape that man’s shadow for the rest of her life.

Meanwhile, the man considered that shadow was now sitting in the passenger seat of a car, his hand covering his stomach, his brows tightly furrowed as he tried to endure the pain.

Du Xinling drove quickly, speeding all the way, but Beijing’s traffic was already bad. Rain only made the congestion worse. He was stuck behind, anxious but unable to move forward, feeling extremely worried.

At a red light, Du took a towel and wiped the rain from Shen Qingzhou’s face and hair. Seeing his pale lips and pained expression, he couldn’t help but scold him: “I told you not to go out. Now look what happened—you saw something you didn’t want to see, and now you’re the one suffering!”

Shen Qingzhou weakly opened his eyes, his dark eyes quietly staring at Du. Du thought he would stubbornly argue back, but instead, after a pause, Shen slowly and softly asked him, “Du Xinling, tell me, what do you call a woman who pretends to care for a man but then hides from him and goes out with another man, even lying and saying she’s at home, making him worry pointlessly?”

Du wanted to say something in Lin Qiao’s defense, but Shen Qingzhou didn’t give him the chance. He continued, “Can a person love two people at the same time? If not, then doesn’t that mean she doesn’t really love the man she’s deceiving?”

Du turned his gaze forward, driving as he spoke, “I think you should save your strength now. Without your health, discussing these things is meaningless. Remember, you’re not just living for yourself—you have your son and your mother to take care of. You have responsibilities to fulfill, rather than stubbornly getting stuck in a corner like this.” He paused, then lowered his voice. “As for your question, I think you should first figure out whether you truly love her before agonizing over whether she loves you.”

Shen Qingzhou opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but couldn’t find his voice. Du pulled the car into the hospital parking lot and continued, “Can’t even speak from the pain, huh? This is all your own fault. You want answers but won’t let her explain. Don’t you fear misunderstanding her, causing mutual pain, hurting those who care for you, and giving your enemies an opportunity? Be careful.”

Hearing this, Shen Qingzhou closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. After a long silence, he softly said, “I love her.”

His voice was barely audible, so low that Du wasn’t sure if he had imagined it. But then Shen continued, “I once doubted this feeling, but if I didn’t love her, why would I feel so heartbroken?”

Suddenly, it felt as if all future hope had vanished. He was neither able to live nor die, trapped in unbearable agony.