Chapter 110: The Jade Corpse Bride

While the wrinkled old woman was speaking, I took a quick glance around the dilapidated house. Much of it was still made of wooden structures, with mud bricks in the corners. She had a simple-minded grandson, and it was undoubtedly true that he couldn’t find a wife.

“Old lady, you can’t joke like this. Just because I’m asking for your help doesn’t mean I’ll let my cousin marry your grandson. That’s way too unfair.” My face was covered in the idiot’s drool, and fearing he might try to harass me again, I pulled the Jade Corpse back, causing the gifts in my hands to scatter all over the ground. Seven oranges rolled far away.

Only then did I free my hands to wipe the saliva off my face. I had no idea what he’d eaten—his drool had a sour stench to it.

Seven black cats leaped onto the oranges, standing perfectly still.

“Hey, my grandson’s a fool, but does that mean you’re one too? Just pretend to agree, and I’ll trick him later. Two idiots,” the wrinkled old woman sneered, looking at us with disdain.

I hadn’t expected the old woman, despite her age, to be the eccentric type. I’d assumed she was more serious.

First impressions can be misleading.

Xu Jun pulled me aside, and I tugged at the Jade Corpse, afraid she might act out. “Brother Xiao, how about we just agree for now? Once we settle things and meet the spirit medium, we can take your girlfriend—your cousin—back with us. The old woman’s just talking about pretending anyway…”

Xu Jun finished speaking and stared at me.

“Do I have the word ‘handsome’ written on my face? Why are you staring at me?” I shrugged. Seeing that Xu Jun was as dense as a block of wood, I pointed at the Jade Corpse. “Why don’t you discuss it with her?”

Xu Jun suddenly seemed enlightened and quickly turned to the Jade Corpse. “So, what do you think? It’s just pretending—I’ll keep an eye on things. If that fool tries anything, I won’t let him get away with it. If he wants to share a room with you, we won’t allow it…”

The Jade Corpse shook her head and looked at me, clearly waiting for my decision.

But I couldn’t just sell her out—I needed to consult Xie Lingyu first.

“Well? Have you made up your mind yet? Give me a straight answer…” The wrinkled old woman was growing impatient, having listened to us whisper for so long without a conclusion.

“Old lady, if your grandson tries to kiss or grope my cousin the second they meet, I can’t let her pretend to marry him…” I was being completely honest.

The old woman frowned, thinking of a compromise. Meanwhile, I took the chance to call Xie Lingyu and explain the situation about the Jade Corpse being offered as a bride to the fool.

Xu Jun stood awkwardly nearby, unsure whether to hold onto the gifts or put them down.

Xie Lingyu listened to my explanation and said the whole matter wasn’t her responsibility—she wasn’t the Jade Corpse’s guardian anyway. She even mocked me for relying on women to solve my problems. After a long rant, I was so furious I nearly smashed my phone—only the thought of how much it would cost to replace it stopped me.

The wrinkled old woman seemed to have come up with a solution. “My grandson just wants a wife because he’s jealous of others. Let me talk to him—it’ll be fine.”

The fool stood there, staring blankly at Xie Lingyu, drool dripping from his mouth to the ground, forming a line nearly a meter long. From a distance, it looked like he was making jelly. His hands twitched toward his crotch…

“Fool, listen. After you marry the girl, the civil affairs bureau won’t issue a marriage certificate. You can only hold hands—nothing more. Otherwise, you’ll be arrested…” the old woman said gently.

At the mention of jail, the fool immediately clutched his head in fear—probably because he’d been locked up before and knew the horrors inside.

After a moment of terror, he asked, “Can I at least kiss her…?”

The old woman firmly shook her head. “No. Wait until we save up enough money to get a marriage certificate. Then you can do whatever you want.”

I thought the old woman’s nonsense would only fool a three-year-old, but the idiot actually believed it. He looked at the Jade Corpse, his movements much more restrained now.

Since the old woman had gone this far to fulfill her grandson’s wish for a wife, I figured I’d play along. Once the Jade Corpse left with me, I could always buy the fool a blow-up doll online—that would be more than fair.

I signaled that I needed to discuss it with the Jade Corpse first. The wrinkled old woman nodded approvingly. “You’re quite the negotiator, young man!”

Of course, the Jade Corpse couldn’t understand much of this—I was just going through the motions out of courtesy.

“Cousin… how about you try pretending to marry the fool? It’s just an act—I won’t let him…” I attempted to explain to the Jade Corpse.

She didn’t react, so I guessed she didn’t understand the word “marry.” I tried “bride” and “wedding” instead. This time, she smiled, her dimples appearing. But when I pointed at the fool, she stomped on my toes, making me yelp in pain.

Still, I pleaded with her, emphasizing how important this was. Eventually, she seemed to grasp my dilemma and reluctantly agreed.

Seeing that we’d reached an agreement, the fool eagerly stepped forward, clearly wanting to kiss her—but then he remembered the warning about jail. “We’ll wait until we get the marriage certificate…”

“Come back tomorrow at midnight. My grandson will take you then,” the old woman said before asking me to wait for her. Despite her age, she moved with surprising vigor—probably thanks to the healthy air of Shangri-La.

As the old woman went upstairs, the fool started chatting with the Jade Corpse. “What’s your name? I’m Fool. You’re really pretty… and your figure’s nice too.”

The Jade Corpse had the intellect and emotional capacity of a young child, acting purely on instinct. She clearly disliked the fool, turning her back and covering her ears.

But the fool kept talking.

He was the second man (well, more like boy) to fall in love with the Jade Corpse at first sight, after Lin Danan.

The wrinkled old woman returned with a wooden chest. “This is a red wedding dress. Come back at midnight tomorrow—make sure your cousin wears it. Remember, midnight… We’ll discuss the rest then.”

Xu Jun thanked her profusely, leaving behind the gifts and a red envelope.

“You’re too kind! Since you’ve brought them, I’ll accept them all… You probably wouldn’t enjoy our poor folk’s food, so I won’t keep you for dinner,” the old woman said, gathering everything up.

The Jade Corpse, Xu Jun, and I left. Little Rascal barked twice at the seven cats perched on the oranges before we left. Ever since meeting He Qingling, he’d rarely been hostile to cats—what was going on today?

I glanced back and saw the fool still watching us from the wooden door. The strange symbols pasted on it shimmered faintly—now I could see one figure holding a wooden pestle.

Once we left the alley, I noticed Xu Jun’s clothes were soaked with sweat. When I asked why, he explained, “I study biology. Back in that wooden house, I could hear the faint hissing of snakes… and from the sound, they were venomous ones.”

I almost laughed. If Xu Jun ever saw the snake dangling from Ruan Sanjia’s ear, he’d probably faint from terror.

“An old woman and a fool wouldn’t have much self-defense. Maybe they keep snakes to scare off thieves,” I offered weakly.

Xu Jun chuckled. “A guard dog would be better—less risk of someone getting bitten.”

His words made me uneasy too. But since we were asking for a favor, it was best not to pry. When Xu Jun heard we were staying at the “No Lies” Inn, he brought his wife and son to stay there as well.

The Jade Corpse glared at me the whole way back, her eyes full of murderous intent. Under that gaze, a shameless thought crossed my mind—had she been a virgin in life? My eyes drifted to her long legs.

I quickly slapped myself, scolding myself for being a pervert. How could I call myself a ghost-hunting feng shui master with such impure thoughts?

Back at the inn, Xie Lingyu was awake. I opened the wooden chest to reveal an exquisitely crafted red wedding dress—every stitch looked handmade. In the past, only wealthy families could afford such finery.

The vibrant red reflected off Xie Lingyu’s face, tinting it pink.

She ran her hands over the dress, then looked at the Jade Corpse. “Wearing this would be like wearing it myself. What a shame the groom isn’t you—otherwise, it’d be a perfect match.”

Her words left me embarrassed, but I didn’t interrupt her nostalgia. The Jade Corpse, meanwhile, had no idea what the red dress meant—or even that she was about to become a bride.

Xu Jun soon returned after checking in, asking what supplies we’d need. He’d heard the spirit medium might not be in town—perhaps in Blue Moon Valley instead. If so, we’d need specialized gear.

I left Xie Lingyu to watch the Jade Corpse and went shopping with Xu Jun. Liu Yunxin’s attitude toward me had softened slightly, but her son Xu Xiaokang still glared at me.

I asked Big Bao for recommendations on outdoor equipment shops. He listed a few, warning me which ones were trustworthy and which were scams. I took Xu Jun on my motorcycle to a small store. Compared to the big cities like Dali and Kunming, the selection here was limited. We managed to grab some hiking jackets, boots, and ropes—skills I’d picked up from Liu Jianguo. After shopping, I sent Xu Jun back in a rickshaw.

Following my usual routine, I wandered around the market and pig farms, collecting animal droppings. (The ones Bai Yueming had left behind were too heavy, so I’d sadly discarded them.) I even swiped a pair of underwear hanging outside someone’s house.

“Did you hear? The wrinkled old woman’s marrying off her grandson again…”