Chapter 113: Fake It Till You Make It

When Mo Bai landed on one foot, I finally saw clearly—he only had one leg.

Both Xu Jun and I were stunned.

Mo Bai always wore black sunglasses. He lifted a lantern from the motorcycle and shone it on the road. In the distance, the roar of the Jinsha River echoed.

Not far away was one of the world’s deepest and narrowest canyons—Tiger Leaping Gorge.

After rushing through the First Bend of the Yangtze River at Shigu Town, the turbulent Jinsha River suddenly turned north, forcing its way between the Haba Snow Mountain and the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, forming one of the world’s most magnificent gorges. The narrowest part of the canyon is the famous Tiger Leaping Gorge, where legend says a tiger could leap across the river by stepping on a massive rock in the middle.

I checked the time—it was around one in the morning.

“How much money did you bring?” Xu Jun suddenly whispered to me. “Is fifty thousand enough? I met a Taoist priest earlier, and he demanded eighty thousand from me.”

“Don’t worry, I brought enough.” I cursed inwardly, wondering which bastard of a priest had scammed him, taking eighty thousand without even fixing the problem.

Xu Jun said if he ended up using my money, he’d pay me back later. We had originally planned to turn on the electric lights, but Mo Bai stopped us. Hopping ahead on one foot, he didn’t even need a cane—his determination was truly unexpected.

With the lantern leading the way and Mo Bai moving swiftly, we had no choice but to keep up, practically jogging the whole time. Along the way, the idiot tried several times to hold the jade corpse’s hand, only to have it slapped away. After running for half an hour, Mo Bai, worried I might be exhausted, stopped ahead to let me rest for a bit.

The trees on either side weren’t very tall, and there were many rocks. Due to the dim lighting, I couldn’t make out the exact terrain of the mountain we were in—only that we were pushing forward relentlessly, leaving no time to think.

Suddenly, a mischievous old tree root spirit leaped out from the darkness. I quickly pulled out the wrapped jade ruler and jabbed at it. The moment the jade ruler touched the root, it fell to the ground, turning back into an ordinary tree root.

Too naughty.

“Is this jade ruler yours?” The wrinkled old woman asked curiously, eyeing the faint blue glow of the ruler.

“Yeah,” I replied casually, not paying much attention.

The old woman made a sound of acknowledgment and walked over to the idiot, patting his hand twice. Mo Bai, however, kept his distance from the jade ruler. “Let’s go. We shouldn’t keep the spirit medium waiting.”

During the break, Xu Xiaokang ate two more chicken legs and drank a bottle of “Nutri-Express,” yet still felt unsatisfied. The little bastard beside him managed to hold back his whining.

Mo Bai picked up the lantern and hopped ahead again. Afraid his son might tire, Xu Jun carried him on his back and followed closely. Finally, we stopped at the foot of a mountain, where a fenced wooden hut came into view. At that moment, the idiot twitched and suddenly ran ahead.

In the darkness, his red shoes and socks looked eerily unsettling—almost unbearable to look at. After a few steps, he dashed into the dilapidated hut, muttering strange words I couldn’t understand.

He pushed open the wooden door himself, and soon, light spilled out from inside. Mo Bai hung the lantern on a fence post and said, “You understand what this means, right?”

“Have you prepared the money? Basically, the spirit medium will need to expend great mental effort to solve your problem,” Mo Bai continued, removing his sunglasses.

“We understand. I brought the money,” Xu Jun said.

I felt uneasy, as if this whole group was putting on an act. Besides, this didn’t seem like the Blue Moon Valley mentioned by the two-headed ghost infant from Thailand. I glanced back the way we came—the sky was growing brighter, revealing that the Jinsha River wasn’t too far from this valley.

“Is the spirit medium really inside?” I grabbed Xu Jun’s hand as he reached for the money.

“Young man, don’t wait until daylight. Otherwise, you might miss your chance,” the wrinkled old woman chuckled.

The closed door of the hut suddenly opened, and the idiot stood at the entrance. “Come in.”

“His father, take out our offering,” Liu Yunxin said. I couldn’t stop Xu Jun now—maybe this valley was indeed the Blue Moon.

Xu Jun handed over a neatly wrapped stack of cash to Mo Bai, who weighed it in his hand and smiled approvingly.

When it was my turn, I asked if U.S. dollars were acceptable. Mo Bai nodded.

I pulled out about five thousand dollars and handed it to him. Mo Bai licked his fingers and began counting the money with intense focus.

“Uncle Mo, you’re no saint. But today, I’m not here to deal with you.” I shoved him aside and caught up with Xu Jun. The jade corpse, dressed in red bridal attire, followed me inside.

“So? This girl isn’t bad, is she…” I faintly heard the wrinkled old woman’s voice.

At the doorway, I turned back and asked, “Aren’t you two coming in?” The old woman snapped, “You brat have no tact. I’m having a private chat with the handsome Mo Bai. We’ll come in later.”

Inside the hut, the air was thick with incense. Several meditation cushions were arranged on the floor, and against the wall stood a shrine. A stick of incense burned atop it, surrounded by apples, oranges, and yellow talismans swaying in the breeze. On the table lay a small piglet, its ears twitching—still alive.

Damn, who brought a live pig for worship?

The walls were covered with paintings of various deities—Buddha, Guanyin, ancient immortals—and, most absurdly, a portrait of Zhu Bajie holding a rake.

The idiot knelt expressionless on a cushion while Xu Jun and Liu Yunxin, with their child, had already prostrated themselves. Xu Xiaokang stared greedily at the shrine’s offerings, especially the clean white piglet.

“Where’s the spirit medium?” I asked, scanning the room.

“Kneel down quickly!” Liu Yunxin urged. “We’re not with them. Spirit medium, please help us—help my son.”

The idiot opened his eyes. “Can’t you see? The Great Pig Deity is the spirit medium. He’ll reveal everything to me. Kneel and pray, then wait for his answer.”

I decided to humor him, kneeling on a cushion and staring at the sleeping piglet on the shrine. Was this really the all-knowing spirit medium?

I couldn’t help but wonder if we’d been scammed. My mind drifted to Yang Pao and his wild boar spirit…

“Great Immortal, can you tell me what’s wrong with my son? How can we cure him?” Liu Yunxin pleaded. “Ever since last year, after playing in an old building, he’s been like this—his belly swollen, his body thin…” She recounted the whole story eloquently.

The piglet on the shrine squealed twice and fell silent. The idiot convulsed slightly, putting on a convincing act. After two agonizing minutes, just as I was about to sweat from impatience, Mo Bai suddenly appeared at the door.

“Bride, come out for a moment.”

“Cousin, go play with him. But don’t be too rough,” I told the jade corpse. It blinked at me, as if unsure what “not too rough” meant.

The idiot’s eyes lit up, and he finally spoke.

“The Great Pig Deity has spoken. Your child saw something he shouldn’t have, angering unseen forces. Here’s a sacred talisman—burn it, drink the ashes, and all will be well. But you must apologize sincerely.” His words flowed smoothly, nothing like his usual dumb act—almost like a true prophet.

With a quick motion, he set a yellow talisman on fire, reducing it to black ash. He spat into it. “This is the deity’s sacred saliva—rarely given.” He poured in some “Thunder Pepsi,” creating a fizzy mixture.

“This is the Great Deity’s favorite drink…”

Xu Jun eyed the concoction skeptically, clearly distrustful of the saliva-laden soda.

Liu Yunxin bowed deeply and took the bowl. Xu Xiaokang refused to drink, so she pried his mouth open and forced the entire bowl down. He coughed violently before finally passing out.

His complexion slowly regained color.

Seeing such immediate results, Liu Yunxin cried out, “Thank you, Great Immortal!”

The white piglet on the table squeaked twice before falling silent—perfectly timed.

“My turn now,” I said.

“Go ahead,” the idiot grinned. “Ask whatever you wish. The spirit medium is in a good mood today.”

I clasped my hands. “Great Deity, can you tell me how many times I’ve pooped today? My memory’s terrible—I forget things as soon as they happen.”

The piglet oinked twice.

The idiot froze. “Are you joking? You came all this way to ask that?”

“What’s more important in life than pooping?” I retorted, clenching my fists. Sweat beaded on his forehead. “The Great Pig Deity doesn’t bother with such trivial matters. Stop joking around…”

Definitely a scam.

“Screw you, you fraud!” I lunged at him.

The idiot slapped a hidden panel, and with a loud thud, he vanished. The hut’s doors and windows clanked shut, locked by unseen chains.

I missed him.

“You bastards, who the hell are you?” I shouted at the window.

“Brat, you don’t recognize me, but I know that jade ruler. You’re Ye Guyi’s disciple, aren’t you?” the wrinkled old woman cackled outside.

“Who are you?”

“Ask Ye Guyi in the underworld!” She raised her hand, ready to strike.

“Wait! No harm in telling me. If I don’t meet Ye Guyi down there, I’ll die restless,” I said quickly.

“Great Immortal, we’re innocent!” Xu Jun cried.

The old woman laughed triumphantly, her hair whipping in the wind. “My husband was Ruan Jinluan—murdered by Ye Guyi.”

Ruan Jinluan’s wife—wasn’t that Ruan Sanjia’s mother? What was she doing in China?

Wait, wasn’t Ruan Jinluan killed by Zuo Shan?