Chapter 8: Your Punishment

The car drove into the old community. I rolled down the window first to check whether my luggage had been moved out by Mi Cai. The result was satisfactory. Although I had not kept my promise, there was no luggage downstairs. It seemed my previous warning had worked.

I floated upstairs lightly. When I opened the door, the apartment was pitch black. I glanced toward Mi Cai’s room, but there was no light coming from under the door. She hadn’t come back tonight after all. No wonder I hadn’t seen her car downstairs.

It was actually better that she wasn’t home. I could sneak in for one more night. Perhaps this was the only comfort the heavens had prepared for me at the end of the day.

After a quick wash-up, I lay on the bed. When I turned off the light and closed my eyes, the world suddenly became quiet. I thought I would fall asleep quickly in this state, but some fragments of memory rushed into my mind.

All these fragments were about the past. Recalling the past had once again brought out the emptiness and desolation of my present. I couldn’t understand why Fang Yuan and Yan Yan had managed to stay together after graduation and eventually married, while my relationship with Jian Wei had ended so gloomily. Where exactly had I gone wrong? I truly wished Jian Wei could tell me in person, but even this simple request had become a luxury!

So I suffered for two years, confused and lost, and wasted two years of my life.

…

I rubbed my face hard, sat up on the bed, and sat there for a long time. Then I got up, took out a guitar that had been stored away for a long time from the cabinet. I wanted to sing a song—for myself… for Jian Wei.

I tuned the guitar with a tuner. As I strummed the strings, I hummed the song “Lost” by Ying Hao:

“Who can see through this bustling world clearly, once again, eyes blurred;

Who can escape this noise in time, once again, it erodes you;

Who has ever mentioned these past events, once again, you are forgotten;

In our next life, will we meet again, will I fall in love with you once more?

I am lost, without a map, this path of love has been so hard;

I am lost, without a retreat, how numb this world has become;

I am lost, unable to find my way back, the people around me have become strangers;

I am lost, just standing in place, while your heart has already flown far away…”

When I sang the last line, a warm feeling came to the corner of my eyes. I was lost, truly lost. I had thought these two years I had walked far, but on the map called love, I was still standing in place, while her heart had already flown far away…

I lit a cigarette. Just as I took the first puff, someone suddenly knocked on the door, nearly making me snap the guitar string. I thought the house was empty!

Mi Cai’s voice came from outside: “If you’re in the mood for singing, please find a place where no one lives. This is a residential area!”

I put on my slippers and opened the door. Mi Cai stood in front of me wearing a spaghetti-strap nightgown. Her curvaceous figure rivaled Yan Yan’s. Her pretty face looked so peaceful under the dim light, giving her an unparalleled charm.

“Didn’t you hear me singing ‘I’m lost’? When I’m already lost, where can I find an empty place?” I said with a half-smile.

“Twisting logic!”

Ignoring Mi Cai’s displeasure, I asked, “Why are you home?”

“I’ve been here all along.”

“I didn’t see your car downstairs!”

“I parked it on the empty lot across the street.”

“No wonder!” I exclaimed, immediately trying to close the door, fearing that Mi Cai would bring up moving out. It was already nearly one in the morning; where could I possibly go now?

But Mi Cai pushed against the door with both hands, preventing me from closing it.

I glared at her and asked, “You’re not really planning to make me move out right now, are you?”

“No.” After a pause, Mi Cai continued, “You said you were lost and wanted to sing. I can take you to a place where no one is around, so you can fully vent.”

“Really? Are you that nice?” I asked cautiously.

“Anyway, you’ve already kept me from sleeping. If you’re still in the mood, I can be your audience.” She added after thinking for a moment, “Your voice is actually pretty good.”

I thought this was Mi Cai’s initiative to mend our relationship, or maybe she had been impressed by my singing, or perhaps she pitied this decadent man. Whatever her motive, I felt I could accept her offer because I was also suffering from insomnia. So let’s go crazy together!

…

A short while later, Mi Cai changed into proper clothes. I was still in my pajamas, wearing slippers, hugging the guitar, and followed her downstairs.

Mi Cai had driven her own car over. I opened the door and sat in the front passenger seat. I had ridden in luxury cars before, but this was my first time in an Audi Q7, so I couldn’t help glancing around a few times.

Before I could even fasten my seat belt, Mi Cai suddenly stepped on the gas. The powerful push from the car nearly smashed me against the windshield.

“At this late hour, do you want a corpse sitting next to you?” I angrily rubbed my sore head and shouted at Mi Cai.

“Who told you not to wear your seat belt? People who don’t follow the rules deserve to be hit!” Mi Cai replied coldly.

Pointing at Mi Cai, I angrily said, “You’re just trying to get back at me!”

Mi Cai completely ignored me and continued driving expressionlessly.

…

About twenty minutes later, Mi Cai really did bring me to a deserted area in the suburbs where no one would come. She parked the car, pulled the handbrake, turned off the engine, and said to me, “There’s no one here. Sing as much as you want.”

“The space in the car is too small to really perform.”

“Then get out and sing.”

“You think I’m stupid enough to stay outside? What if you drive off, where can I complain then?” I said cautiously. Ever since she had suddenly accelerated while I wasn’t wearing a seat belt, I had suspected she had ulterior motives.

“You talk too much!” Mi Cai said, unfastening her seat belt and getting out of the car first, appearing as if she had a clear conscience while I was just being paranoid.

I also got out of the car and stood beside Mi Cai. Looking up at the sky, I realized the weather was actually quite nice tonight—bright moonlight and a sky full of stars. The air was fresh, and I felt as if I had finally escaped the noise and chaos.

My heart gradually calmed down. I was actually grateful that Mi Cai had the enthusiasm to bring me to this quiet place. I needed to vent, to release all my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with reality.

I strummed the guitar and sang Jin Wulin’s song “Metamorphosis” first.

After finishing the song, Mi Cai surprisingly clapped and asked, “Do you also like serious music?”

“Yes, if there were more instruments, it would feel even better,” I replied, somewhat surprised that Mi Cai knew this song. After all, serious music is non-mainstream, with strong artistic and academic qualities. Both performers and listeners need a certain level of aesthetic ability.

Mi Cai nodded and said, “You’re not as superficial as you look.”

“It’s your narrow-mindedness to judge by appearances.”

Mi Cai didn’t mind my sharp retort and said to me again, “Please continue.”

I put down the guitar and said to Mi Cai, “You seem to really understand music. Do you play the guitar? Come on, play a song.”

“I promised I would be the listener. You go ahead.”

I nodded. In this dim night, in the boundless wilderness, having such a beautiful woman willing to be my audience was a gift from heaven!

Thinking this, I suddenly felt even more guilty about treating Mi Cai so rudely before. Actually, she had been quite good to me—lending me money, letting me stay an extra night, and now even accompanying me to vent my frustrations. Perhaps I really should change my violent temper!

A gust of cold wind blew by, and Mi Cai instinctively pulled her thin clothes tighter.

I couldn’t help but say to her, “You can go back to the car. I can vent by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded.

Mi Cai opened the car door and got in, but she didn’t completely isolate herself from me. She rolled down the window, resting her chin on one hand, looking at me as if eagerly anticipating my next song.

I strummed the guitar again and sang another song. As I was getting into it, the car behind me suddenly started. I quickly turned around and saw that Mi Cai had already fastened her seat belt.

She half-smiled and said to me, “Your voice is really quite good… but I have to leave now. This is punishment for your broken promises and rude behavior.” With that, the car shot off like an arrow, tearing through the darkness of the night.

“F*** you!” I took off my slipper and threw it at her car, but it barely had any impact.

“You b****, I knew you had no good intentions… Taking advantage of my sympathy. May you be struck by lightning! I’m not done with you!” I shouted incoherently, spinning around in anger at Mi Cai, who had already disappeared from my sight.

…

I’ve always been someone who gets along easily with others, trusting and disliking to be guarded. Ending up like this, I really deserve it!