In the evening after work, Fangyuan and I found a Chinese restaurant near the company and ordered some simple dishes, then sat across from each other.
Shortly after, the dishes were all served, and Fangyuan started eating with his chopsticks, then said to me when he noticed I hadn’t started, “Hey, you can eat too, you know.”
“Shouldn’t we wait for Yanyan?” I asked hesitantly.
“She went to Shanghai to meet Jian Wei. Tonight, it’s just the two of us,” Fangyuan replied calmly.
“She went to see Jian Wei? You two are getting married in a few days, can she even get away?” I asked, somewhat “doubtfully.”
Fangyuan didn’t seem to care and replied, “She just left after work, and she’ll be back tomorrow morning. It won’t interfere with anything.” I nodded and started eating as well.
Fangyuan put down his chopsticks, stared at me for a moment, and then asked, “Zhaoyang, how about we have some alcohol?”
“Not tonight.”
After a while, he looked at me again and said, “I can tell you’re a bit down. By the way, Yanyan probably hasn’t gone far yet. Should I call her to come back and pick you up? You could take this rare opportunity to meet Jian Wei again while you’re still sober…”
I remained silent for a while before sighing, “Yanyan really is following her husband wherever he goes!”
“What do you mean?” Fangyuan asked, changing his sitting posture, not minding my roundabout insult.
“You two are both despicable. Please, don’t push a person who wants to die to actually go through with it, okay?”
“Did I comfort you?” Fangyuan asked innocently.
I got a bit angry, “Can you eat or not? If not, then just leave.”
My anger made Fangyuan sigh, and he shook his head saying, “You’re still the same old you. Every time it comes to something about Jian Wei, you change your attitude faster than turning a page. Are you really not getting over her?”
Only then did I realize that Fangyuan was just testing me, but I didn’t know how to respond and fell silent again.
Fangyuan asked the waiter to bring two cans of Qingdao beer, opened one and handed it to me, and started drinking one himself. Deliberately changing the topic, he asked me, “How’s it going with that flat model recently? I think she seems pretty interested in you.”
“Don’t talk nonsense. At most, we’re just each other’s toys during times of emptiness.”
“Sex toys?”
“You can interpret it however you want,” I said indifferently, then took a big swig from my beer can.
Fangyuan took a sip with me and then asked persistently, “Come on, be honest with your buddy. Since Jian Wei left all these years ago, hasn’t there been a single girl in this vast world that made your heart skip a beat?”
“No,” I answered without hesitation.
Fangyuan shook his head and said, “You don’t really seem like a devoted person. Actually, it’s been your own unsettled heart all these years. If you calm your heart down and think carefully, maybe there’s a girl who’s been hiding in your life, making your heart skip a beat, but you just haven’t noticed.”
“My heart unsettled?” I asked Fangyuan doubtfully.
Fangyuan nodded earnestly, then made a guiding gesture and said to me, “Take a drink and think carefully. Right now, you’ll definitely get something out of it.”
Half-believing and half-doubting, I still followed Fangyuan’s suggestion, took a sip of beer, and then let my thoughts wander, recalling all the girls who had been around me over the years, trying to find if there was anyone I had ever truly felt for. After a while, I still couldn’t find anyone I had ever been moved by. I preferred to freeze the memories of being with them as fleeting moments of passion.
I vividly remembered the mornings after each passionate night, when the sunlight fell on the quilt lifted by our two bodies, but it never gave me a sense of stability. I often wanted to put on my pants and run away, as if the morning light only exposed my material poverty, let alone remembering the passion and ecstasy of the night.
If, on some morning, some woman and I sat on the same bed talking about marriage and houses, I would definitely break down, and based on this breakdown, I had long forgotten what it felt like to have my heart flutter.
“Really?” Fangyuan raised his beer can to clink with mine and asked again with concern.
I just shook my head, took another sip of beer, and was too lazy to say another word, unwilling in my heart to recall any woman.
But human thoughts are strange. When I didn’t want to think about it, suddenly the face of my female landlady, Mi Cai, so beautiful it seemed unreal, popped into my mind like a flash.
I stared blankly at the potted plant behind Fangyuan like a robot, my thoughts surging like a tsunami—could it be that Mi Cai was the girl Fangyuan was talking about, the one who had made my heart flutter?
I quickly denied it. This was simply an absurd thought. Mi Cai and I had only known each other for a few days. Even if she was beautiful enough to be a reincarnation of Chang’e, I wouldn’t be moved by her. My fantasies and impulses toward women had long died in the harshness of time.
Fangyuan was still waiting eagerly for my answer, but I didn’t want to continue discussing the meaningless word “heart flutter” with him, so I chose to remain silent again.
…
After finishing the two cans of beer, we continued to eat. The sky outside had unknowingly darkened, and the streetlights on both sides of the road illuminated the city under the night sky in the same way.
Fangyuan and I each lit a cigarette, idly chatting after finishing our meal. As we talked, Fangyuan looked out the window at the night and teased, “Zhaoyang, something’s off tonight. It’s already pitch dark, how come you’re still sitting here? Don’t you need to go find some fun?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll just go home and sleep later.”
Fangyuan seemed shocked, exclaiming, “Who killed your night?”
I was left speechless by Fangyuan’s question. My drunken and aimless nights had indeed been killed by a woman who had just appeared in my life.
I didn’t rush to answer Fangyuan’s question, but I was eager to have him help me analyze a confusion that had been troubling me for many days. I had always been puzzled about why Mi Cai, who drove a luxury car, would move into that old house. I certainly didn’t believe it was fate deliberately creating an opportunity for us. It would even be a stretch to call it fate, because just a few days ago, I had thrown away her quilt, and she had subsequently left me stranded in the wilderness. The world didn’t seem to have this kind of torturous fate.
After a while, I told Fangyuan, “Let me tell you something really new.”
“Is this new thing directly related to why you’re not going out to mess around tonight?”
I nodded and then selectively told Fangyuan about the various incidents that had happened between Mi Cai and me because of that house.
After listening, Fangyuan looked at me somewhat doubtfully. After a short pause, he asked, “Are you sure she drives a luxury car worth hundreds of thousands and moved into your shabby house?”
“Of course I’m sure. Help me analyze it, okay? Let’s see what her real intentions are,” I said earnestly to Fangyuan.
“Whatever it is, it’s not about robbing you of your money or life,” Fangyuan said dismissively, giving me a sidelong glance.
“I know I don’t have any money and only a rotten life, but I’m really serious about this. Can you be serious too?”
“Zhaoyang, we live in a very realistic world. Don’t expect her to be someone who owed you something in a past life and has come to repay you in this one.”
I stroked my chin and said solemnly, “You never know, maybe that’s exactly what it is. Think about it, maybe she really is here because I did too many good deeds in my past life. I must have been a complete bastard in this life because of all the good things I did before. Perhaps my female landlady was someone I helped in my past life and has come to serve me now.”
“Serving you? Didn’t you say she tricked you into going to the Suzhou-Wuxi section of the Shanghai-Nanjing Expressway late at night, leaving you frozen with a runny nose? Is that how she’s serving you?”
I pointed at Fangyuan, speechless for a moment before saying, “You’re such a bad friend!”
Fangyuan smiled, stood up, patted my shoulder, and said, “Zhaoyang, the fact that a woman has appeared and diverted your attention from Jian Wei might not be a bad thing…”
Before I could respond, he added, “It’s almost 7:30. I have a meeting with a wedding planner at 8. Let’s call it a night for today.”
Watching Fangyuan’s back as he left, I lit another cigarette in confusion, still struggling to understand what he had said. Why would Mi Cai’s appearance divert my attention from Jian Wei?
…
After leaving the restaurant, I bought another can of beer, drinking it while walking with the crowd, listening to their laughter and chatter, and thinking about my own troubles on the way home.
When I got home, I opened the door to a dark room. I turned on the living room light and looked around. The place was cold and empty. My female landlady, Mi Cai, didn’t seem to be back yet.
Bored, I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. Without the usual drunken escapades at nightclubs, the night seemed unbearably long. I couldn’t remember when I last stayed home like this, acting like a domestic man in front of the TV for entertainment in the early evening… and feeling extremely bored.
It was only 8:30, but I was already so bored I felt like dying. I smoked a cigarette and spaced out for a while. Ten minutes passed, and I felt like I might go mad. It turned out that a night alone was so hard to endure!
I went to my room and got out my guitar and some sheet music, starting to practice some songs. If there was one thing I liked doing other than getting drunk and partying every night, it was probably just playing the guitar to pass the time.
After finishing one song and preparing to play the next, I finally heard some noise outside. The door opened, and then I saw Mi Cai, carrying her handbag, stunningly beautiful.
Although we had a bit of a conflict, I wasn’t a narrow-minded person, so I didn’t go out of my way to downplay her beauty. This woman truly seemed like a masterpiece created in a moment of divine inspiration.
I put down my guitar and greeted her with a smile, “Back already?”
“Mm,” she responded and walked toward her room.
“Stop right there,” I called out, putting on a stern face. I was just feeling bored and didn’t want to be alone, so I wanted to tease her.
Mi Cai turned around and looked at me, “What is it?”
I looked at Mi Cai, more and more puzzled about how this woman could be so beautiful. Then I couldn’t help but ask bluntly, “How come you’re so pretty? Are you some kind of monster in disguise?”
Mi Cai slightly frowned and coldly replied, “Please don’t make me feel like I’ve invited a wolf into my house.”
I immediately stood up and pretended to be excited as I said, “Miss, you’re not mistaken, right? This house was mine first. Don’t you think your ‘inviting a wolf’ comment is a bit inappropriate?”
Mi Cai didn’t respond to my point about who came first, and her tone remained cold, “If you think I’m a monster, you can move out anytime. I won’t mind.”
“Why should I move out? This house was mine to begin with. You’re just a new tenant at most. Besides, you already agreed to let me stay here. I’ve kept my promise and stayed home like a big Buddha after work, not going anywhere. So don’t even mention moving out again,” I said, standing up from the sofa to show my excitement.
“A new tenant?” Mi Cai’s tone was clearly displeased.
I didn’t care about her displeasure and said, “Yes, from today on, you should see yourself as a new tenant in front of me. In this house, whoever has been here longer is the landlord.”
“Don’t you think you’re being really childish? Also, I need to remind you that there’s no need to twist the meaning and force the term ‘new tenant’ on me, because I only agreed to let you stay here for a month. Soon enough, you’ll leave here forever with the status of a tenant,” Mi Cai looked at me with a fearless expression.
“What’s wrong with a month? Even if I’m the landlord for just a month, I’ll still enjoy it!” I stubbornly replied, but my mood sank because of Mi Cai’s words about me leaving forever.
Mi Cai didn’t want to argue with me anymore. She said, “Who cares about you,” and then turned to go to her room.
…
In the lonely living room, I took out a cigarette and lit it. As I inhaled and exhaled the smoke, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for being so stubborn in claiming the landlord status.
The smoke drifted out the window under the light, and I watched it intently. A sudden breeze, coming from who knows where, blew through and made me feel a bit clearer. In this wind, as if borrowed, I suddenly saw a vague outline of Jian Wei, and I was abruptly reminded: In three days, we would meet again at Fangyuan and Yanyan’s wedding. I had a premonition that the next three days might be even harder to endure than the three years we had been apart…
To this day, I still can’t figure it out. We spent four years of the best time in our lives building a love that didn’t end well. At least give me a reason for the breakup, but…
I closed my eyes, and the smoke continuously drifting from my fingertips made me feel like crying!
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