Chapter 20: Sky City 2

I stood on the guardrail against the wind, widening my eyes in an attempt to find the reflection of that “Castle in the Sky” on the rippling river surface, but all I could see was the city’s superficial glamour under the flashing neon lights.

After sobering up, I realized how afraid of death I actually was—afraid of drowning in the bottomless moat.

I turned to look at Mi Cai, who appeared so indifferent.

“Aren’t you going to try to talk me out of this?” I asked her, frowning.

“Why would I try to talk you out of it?”

“But if I jump, I really will die!”

“If you die, it’s you, not me.” Mi Cai replied, still showing no surprise or concern.

I jumped down from the guardrail angrily and said, “I didn’t misjudge you at all—you’re truly a heartless woman, willing to let others die just to achieve your own ends.”

“I don’t have any ulterior motives. You’re the one who said you wanted to jump into the river.” Mi Cai continued calmly.

I grew even angrier and pointed at Mi Cai, saying, “Can you please stop being so calm while trying to send me to my death? I remember calling you because I wanted you to talk me out of jumping, right? According to the script I had planned, you shouldn’t be acting like this!”

“When I arrived, you were lying there like a dead man—you weren’t really going to jump anyway. Why did you bother calling me? Do you think it’s fun to play with me?” Finally, Mi Cai showed some anger in her tone.

I felt somewhat wronged. At that moment, I really would have jumped out of impulse. Who knew I was simply not destined to die—suddenly, the alcohol kicked in and I fell asleep.

Not knowing how to explain myself to Mi Cai, I blurted out nonsense: “I really did intend to jump into the moat. Right before I was about to jump, I remembered that I still owed you more than ten thousand yuan. It wouldn’t matter much if I died, but then no one would repay you the debt. So, for the sake of conscience and moral integrity, I couldn’t do something so despicable as to leave unpaid debts behind, so I steeled myself and didn’t jump.”

“You really made it sound tragic!” Mi Cai said, half-smiling as she looked at me.

“It was genuinely tragic, you know! You have no idea how torn I was—on one side was the relief of death, and on the other was the guilt of dying with unpaid debts. It was hard to choose! Of course, in the end, I painfully chose to stick to my moral standards, which is why I’m still alive.” I exaggerated with dramatic expressions.

Mi Cai seemed unwilling to listen to my rambling anymore and stood up, preparing to leave.

“Wait,” I called out to stop her.

“What now?” Her tone was already showing great impatience as she put on the coat she had previously covered me with.

“Were you sitting here waiting for me all afternoon?”

“I came to collect your corpse, not to talk you out of jumping. That’s why I came in the evening.” Mi Cai replied in her characteristic calmness.

“Who are you trying to fool? If you were here to collect my corpse, why did you cover me with your coat?” I smiled knowingly, exposing Mi Cai’s lie.

Mi Cai turned around and coldly replied, “They always cover the corpse with something to hide the face. Don’t you know that?”

I was left speechless by her words, just sitting there dumbfounded, my attention diverted from our verbal sparring. Then the alcohol I hadn’t fully metabolized surged back through my body, causing dizziness and an intense urge to vomit.

Leaning on the guardrail, I emptied my stomach into the moat below. I had really drunk too much at lunchtime.

After vomiting, I felt weak and slumped against the guardrail, sitting down and closing my eyes. My mind became increasingly clear, and the scenes from the wedding of Fang Yuan and Yan Yan at noon reappeared in my mind, followed by a sharp, tearing pain that filled my body.

At that moment, when Xiang Chen placed the diamond crystal necklace—a token of affection—around Jian Wei’s neck, I longed to tell her, regardless of everything else: I wanted to return to the past, to that silent, joyful past, to that loving and affectionate past…

But there is never a way back to the past. I had lost Jian Wei forever and could only watch helplessly as she found happiness in someone else’s world!

Amidst the tearing pain, warmth came to the corners of my eyes—I seemed to be crying!

It surely wasn’t me crying; it must have been the Castle in the Sky weeping. She was using her tears to dissolve my inner sorrow.

“You’re crying. Wipe your tears.”

I opened my eyes and saw that Mi Cai had not yet left. She handed me a tissue.

I didn’t reach out to take it. Letting the wind dry my tears was probably better, leaving no trace at all.

Mi Cai squatted down to look at me, her tone finally softening a little as she asked, “Did I say something too harsh just now? I shouldn’t have mocked you as a corpse.”

I remained silent for a long time before softly replying, “Actually, it’s not your fault. Even if it were really a corpse, the pain only lasts until death. But the pain of being alive is tearing me apart… Do you understand what I mean?”

Mi Cai shook her head and said, “I don’t understand. All I’m thinking about now is when you’ll finally move out of my house.”

“Are you really that annoyed with me?” I smiled slightly, asking, as my tears seemed to have dried in the wind.

“Yes, your behavior really doesn’t leave me with any good impression. You’re an outright jerk!” Mi Cai said bluntly.

“Is that so? But you don’t know that the jerk you see in me once had a clean, pure city in his heart.”

“I don’t really understand what you’re saying.”

“You don’t need to understand… Because today, this city has already detached itself from me, becoming a Castle in the Sky that I can never touch again!”

I lowered my head and searched my pockets, but there wasn’t even a cigarette left to burn away my sorrow and mend my shattered soul.

Mi Cai didn’t speak further. She sat down beside me, leaning against the guardrail behind us in the same posture. Around us, the silence grew deeper, as if we had been isolated from the city’s noise by the nightfall. A night breeze blew through, leveling all beings and extinguishing the lights of the world.

I noticed a cigarette on the ground—one I had only half-smoked and then stubbed out. I picked it up, blew off the dust, lit it again, and the smell of tobacco once more spread into the air before disappearing under the hazy lights…

Finally, I said to Mi Cai, “I know you want me to leave. I will move out, starting tomorrow.”

“Are you serious this time?”

“I am serious… When I’ve already lost an entire city, would I still care about a single room?”

Mi Cai seemed somewhat curious about my constant mention of that city. She asked me, “What exactly does this Castle in the Sky look like?”

I thought for a moment and replied, “It’s a city that is crystal clear yet always silent. It has a kind of magic that makes people forget their worries, their pain, and the superficiality of life. When you live inside it, nothing else matters anymore, because you transform into a crystal-clear bird, breaking through all constraints and soaring freely in the wind…”

“But eventually, the bird must land. After landing, will it still remain crystal clear?” Mi Cai looked at me and asked.

“I don’t know… because I haven’t even thought about what happens after it lands.”

…

Perhaps my pitiful appearance stirred Mi Cai’s sympathy. That night, she didn’t abandon me alone by the river. I rode with her in her car, heading toward that prosperous yet somewhat illusory city. I had already made up my mind: after this night, I would move out of that old house. After all, my life couldn’t possibly get any worse, so I might as well fulfill Mi Cai’s wish and give her the peace she desired.

Throughout the journey, we remained silent, each lost in our own thoughts. I understood this silence as Mi Cai’s lingering dissatisfaction with my repeated deception today. My current pitiful state couldn’t completely extinguish her anger, yet bringing me back from the suburbs already showed considerable compassion on her part.

When we returned to our residential complex, Mi Cai parked the car. I followed her toward the stairwell entrance but unexpectedly found Ban Die sitting on the steps outside, with his decades-old black briefcase placed beside him.