Chapter 29: Elopement

In Yan Yan’s puzzled gaze, I said, “Don’t look at me with those questioning eyes. Haven’t you ever teased Fang Yuan before? For young couples, some playful teasing benefits the healthy development of their relationship. Who here doesn’t know my character is solid, Zhaoyang?”

Then I turned to Mi Cai and complained, “Don’t act up. If you want to tease me, let’s do it at home in private. These guys are all masters of sarcasm. Don’t join forces with them.”

“Zhaoyang, you really have lost your conscience! For your own image, you’ve dragged down an entire group of us!” Xiang Chen said.

“I’ve always been good at that!”

Mi Cai unexpectedly responded, “Then when I say your character is bad, I’m not wrong, right?”

“Exactly right!” everyone echoed. Then they laughed heartily, raised their glasses, and clinked them together. The atmosphere finally became livelier.

I downed the remaining half bottle of beer, feeling slightly relieved. However, my eyes glanced toward Jian Wei from the corner of my eyes. Since entering the bar, she had been even quieter than Mi Cai, speaking only occasionally to Xiang Chen.

As the others continued chatting, although I sat right beside Mi Cai, I dared not have any physical contact with her, fearing she might turn hostile. Right now, I just hoped to end this gathering peacefully and never attend another one again, no matter what. At this moment, only I knew the pain in my heart. I only wanted to stand quietly behind Jian Wei and Xiang Chen, silently wishing them happiness, rather than being here like this.

Pretending to laugh and joke with everyone caused me great inner pain, yet I couldn’t escape.

Ah, people! Wearing a mask that doesn’t fit causes pain not only to the face but also to the heart!

Luoben finally finished singing in the distance. Holding the microphone, he looked toward me and said, “Zhaoyang, come up and sing a couple of songs to entertain your friends.”

As soon as Luoben finished speaking, Jian Wei was the first to applaud. Soon after, Fang Yuan, Xiang Chen, and others also began clapping and whistling. The entire bar’s atmosphere became lively.

I scanned the crowd with my eyes, nodded at Luoben, and then walked toward the stage.

Luoben handed me the guitar and took a bass from Xiao Wu, a band member, to accompany me. I took a deep breath and requested Zheng Jun’s song “Elope.”

“I’ll dedicate this song ‘Elope’ to you… all,” I said, strumming the guitar strings. Closing my eyes, some fragmented memories floated in my mind.

“We devoted our youth to the magnificent city behind us, paying the price for this dream. I reserved my love for the most sincere girl by my side. You sang with me, wandered with me, and endured hardship with me. Only now do I suddenly realize that what I’ve longed for is true love and freedom. I want to elope with you, rushing to the most distant town. I want to elope with you to become the happiest people… Elope, elope, elope…”

With a tearing voice, I improvised, singing “elope” three times in a row. At that moment, my emotions were completely released. Before Jian Wei went abroad, we were cornered and had to flee from Shanghai back to Suzhou, and then planned to elope to Tibet from Suzhou. At that time, we naively thought that with the courage from this song, we could elope to the ends of the earth. We believed that a guitar, two people, and a wild dash could make us the happiest people. We even thought that eloping could help us escape reality and steal a lifetime together…

The heavy metal music tore through our longing, drowning all worldly noise in this song “Elope.” I had never been so overwhelmed and hysterical, wishing I could tear apart the world and break through the illusions!

As the music gradually faded, thunderous applause began. I still looked up for a long time before finally returning the guitar to Luoben beside me, then turned my head and walked toward the restroom without looking back.

In the restroom mirror, my face was full of water stains, but I was relieved that I had successfully hidden all the pain and suppressed tears with this false pretense.

Once, she was my faith in this city of desires; now, that faith has mercilessly collapsed. Thus, all the wounds, pain, and longing were suppressed deep in my heart, finally becoming unbearable and mutating during the time of a song, twisting the nerves in my body.

…

Outside the bar, everyone was saying goodbye. We three men were somewhat drunk. Fang Yuan put his arm on Yan Yan’s shoulder and walked toward their car first. Jian Wei supported the dazed Xiang Chen, while only Mi Cai and I maintained an imperceptible distance.

Jian Wei helped Xiang Chen into the car. Thinking she was about to leave, she unexpectedly turned back and walked toward Mi Cai and me.

Standing in front of Mi Cai and me, she didn’t look at me but said to Mi Cai, “When you get home, give him a glass of milk with honey. His stomach isn’t very good.”

Mi Cai nodded. Jian Wei then looked at me, who was somewhat unsteady on my feet, nodded at Mi Cai without saying anything further, and turned to walk toward the car.

I stared at her back, unable to recover from the sight for a long time.

“She’s already gone…” Mi Cai said beside me.

“Uh.” I responded numbly.

“Where do you live? I’ll drive you back.”

“No, I can take a taxi myself.”

Mi Cai smiled and said, “I promised your ex-girlfriend that I’d make you a glass of honey milk. I don’t like breaking my promises.”

“Then let’s go.”

…

Mi Cai drove while I sat in the front passenger seat, watching the car speed through the city lights among the towering buildings. I felt dizzy. I knew the alcohol was kicking in.

After a long silence, Mi Cai finally asked me, “Was that song you sang just now for your ex-girlfriend?”

“She… her name is Jian Wei.”

“What? Don’t you like it when others call her your ex-girlfriend?”

I replied somewhat slurred, “Two people who’ve clearly moved on, isn’t it better to just call each other by our names cleanly?”

Mi Cai smiled and said, “I’m afraid your heart isn’t as clean as your words suggest.”

I didn’t respond, staring at Mi Cai for a long time before suddenly saying, “Drive faster. I feel like throwing up.”

“Then get out and throw up.”

“Throw up at home. Drive faster.” I urged again, my speech becoming more fluent.

Mi Cai suddenly slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to an immediate stop. “Get out and throw up. Don’t you feel uncomfortable holding it in? There’s a river over there.”

Although I was dizzy, I wasn’t that nauseous. The reason I mentioned throwing up was just to avoid talking about Jian Wei with her. But the sudden braking and inertia almost caused the various drinks accumulated in my stomach to spew out. This woman seemed to always see through my lies and then punish me accordingly.

I opened the car door and stumbled toward the riverbank, then threw up violently.

I felt somewhat weak, lying flat on the ground in a spread-eagle position, looking at the twinkling stars again, feeling another wave of dizziness.

Mi Cai came to my side and handed me a tissue, scolding me, “Told you not to drink so much again!”

“If you hadn’t just slammed on the brakes so suddenly, I wouldn’t have thrown up at all,” I replied, still somewhat slurred.

“Is that so? Then were you just playing games with me just now?”

Only then did I realize I had confessed without meaning to. I decided to play dead, lying still on the ground without moving.

“Keep pretending. I’m leaving first.”

I remembered the night when Mi Cai had left me in the wilderness. I grabbed her hand tightly and said, “Don’t go…”

I held Mi Cai’s hand tightly, afraid to let go, fearing being left alone in this rarely trafficked area.

Mi Cai became somewhat flustered, struggling while telling me to let go. I tightly hugged her legs, as if finding support, comfort, and my lost past.

“Zhaoyang, let go quickly. You’re drunk. Don’t act like this,” Mi Cai’s voice became more tense. This kind of physical contact was too intimate for us.

“Let me hold on for a while. Don’t leave…” My voice had already become choked.

“I’m not Jian Wei. Zhaoyang, wake up!” Mi Cai pushed my shoulders hard, struggling fiercely until she finally pushed me to the ground and hurriedly ran toward her car.

Lying there again, my world was dark. The autumn cold wind gradually sobered me up. After lying for a while, I got up and walked toward Mi Cai’s car. Mi Cai, still shaken, firmly refused to let me sit in the front passenger seat and pushed me to the back.

The car started again, carrying my gradually sobered-up disappointment toward the bright lights ahead.