The cars stuck ahead began to move slowly. Mi Cai was completely unaware, her shoulders trembling slightly, while the car behind had already honked impatiently.
I finally gently patted Mi Cai’s shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Mi Cai raised her hand to wipe away tears but didn’t look at me. She simply said, “Nothing,” shifted gears, and drove off with the traffic flow, while the song “The Proverbs of Love” had finally ended, and the car gradually returned to calm.
I didn’t plan to let Mi Cai know that I worked at Poly, so I asked her to drop me off at a bus stop. Before parting, I asked her, “Hey, can you help me move tonight? It would be easier with your car.”
“If I don’t work overtime today, I can.” Mi Cai didn’t refuse.
I smiled and said, “Okay, then we’ll coordinate by phone after work.”
Mi Cai nodded, closed the window, and drove off. In an instant, she disappeared into the endless stream of cars. Yet I stood there for a long time, thinking about how she had just cried with her head on the steering wheel because of a song, and I felt a sense of confusion and helplessness again.
I didn’t want to explore what the song “The Proverbs of Love” had made her recall, but I still felt sympathy for her. This sympathy once again deepened my sense of guilt.
…
Upon arriving at the company, I barely had time to catch my breath when Fang Yuan gathered members of our planning and copywriting team for a “brainstorming” session.
During the meeting, people’s initial exchange of opinions gradually turned into heated debate, creating waves of mental activity. I, however, sat slouched in a corner, absentminded and silent throughout, and this silence continued until the meeting ended.
After the brainstorming session, everyone quickly left with their folders, but I remained seated, my thoughts drifting aimlessly.
Fang Yuan took out a cigarette and waved it under my nose. The smell of tobacco finally brought me back to reality, and I asked him in a daze, “Is the storm over?”
“I just want to know where this storm has blown you to?” Fang Yuan’s tone was somewhat displeased, as he always took work seriously.
I didn’t respond, pulling the cigarette from between Fang Yuan’s fingers, lighting it, and taking a deep puff, only for him to snatch it back, stub it out, and throw it into the trash bin.
Frowning, I said, “What the hell are you getting on my case for? I’m already stressed out!”
Fang Yuan paused for a moment, then realized what was making me upset. He dragged a chair and sat beside me. Before he even spoke, his expression had already vividly conveyed the bitter advice that was about to follow.
“Are you still bothered by the matter between Zhuo Mei and Mi Cai?”
“That’s exactly what’s bugging me… From yesterday until now, I’ve felt like a criminal who committed a crime and won’t confess. Do you understand this feeling? It’s like a fish bone stuck in my throat!” I spoke each word heavier than the last, venting my inner pressure.
Sighing, Fang Yuan softened his tone and said to me, “Zhaoyang, I already explained the seriousness of the matter clearly yesterday. No matter how guilty you feel, this remains an internal matter of Zhuo Mei. We must stay out of it.”
I fell silent again. It was pointless to discuss this further with Fang Yuan; he couldn’t possibly view the situation from my perspective. But he wasn’t wrong either. Although Fang Yuan and I had been close friends for nearly a decade, we weren’t the same kind of people, and thus our lives had diverged. At this moment, I finally understood why, despite graduating from the same university, we had lived such different lives after graduation.
After a while, I told Fang Yuan, “I’ll sit here a bit longer. I’ll figure this out on my own.”
Fang Yuan nodded and added, “By the way, I still don’t know your thoughts on this promotional plan. Let’s discuss it separately later.”
“Alright.” I responded.
Fang Yuan took another cigarette from the pack and handed it to me, saying, “Go to the smoking room to smoke. Mind the impression you give in the company.”
I numbly took the cigarette from Fang Yuan and looked at him…
Fang Yuan patted my shoulder and then turned to leave. I quickly rolled the cigarette between my fingers, feeling even more numb.
…
At noon, Fang Yuan and I had lunch at the company cafeteria, choosing a relatively quiet corner to sit down. We didn’t immediately discuss the promotional plan being prepared.
Fang Yuan said to me, “Yanyan is free tonight. Let her cook a few dishes, come to my place, and we’ll have a few drinks.”
“Tonight forget it, I have to move.”
“You haven’t finished moving yet?” Fang Yuan asked in surprise.
“Not yet, I just found a suitable house. I’ve been busy these past few weeks!”
Fang Yuan nodded, and after a brief silence, he said, “Zhaoyang, I’m not trying to criticize you, but you’re at the age now where you should settle down and establish yourself. If you can stabilize your life, then do so as soon as possible.”
I asked Fang Yuan seriously, “You know, we’ve been out of school for so many years now. Our classmates and friends have either stabilized their lives or are desperately trying to do so. Why do I feel like I’m living in an illusion?”
Fang Yuan answered almost without hesitation, “It’s because you’ve lived too much for yourself these years. But your self-centeredness is mixed with strong idealism. Zhaoyang, you need to understand that even the most delicate castle built from sand on the beach will collapse the moment a wave hits it. Your pain and instability come from this!”
Fang Yuan’s words left me feeling confused. I knew the wave he referred to was the heavy reality, and my pain stemmed from my unwillingness to accept it. That’s why I would imagine that city in the sky and the long-haired woman waiting in that city.
Fang Yuan continued, “You really shouldn’t think about the power struggle within Zhuo Mei anymore. People always live in reality. Of course, you should have a conscience, but this matter has already gone beyond the scope of simple conscience. If you use conscience or humanity to measure this matter and finally inform Mi Cai, reality will immediately slap you hard in the face. Zhaoyang, learn to respect reality and never put yourself at risk!”
“Why do you keep bringing this up again?” I said to Fang Yuan with a hint of dissatisfaction.
After a brief silence, Fang Yuan sighed softly and said, “Because I know you, I’m worried…”
I didn’t speak. Although Fang Yuan and I were not the same kind of person, as close friends for nearly a decade, he indeed understood me better than many others. If I didn’t measure this matter with humanity and conscience, why would I feel so tormented?
Continuing to speak to the silent me, Fang Yuan said, “If this time Chen Jingming seizes the opportunity of the internal struggle at Zhuo Mei to bring two first-tier brands to our Poly Department Store, with such a significant contribution, he will almost certainly be promoted to the position of deputy general manager. As his trusted subordinates, you and I will finally establish a solid foothold in this company. Especially you, Zhaoyang, this will be a significant turning point in your life, and your life will undergo a qualitative change because of this.”
I lit a cigarette, took a heavy puff, tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and exhaled all the smoke in my mouth in a gesture of release. For the first time, I felt my beliefs, held for decades, beginning to waver. Perhaps I really should respect reality. I was at the age where I should settle down and build a career. Now that I had finally caught a glimpse of hope in life, if I extinguished it with my own hands, my life would struggle in darkness and despair forever.
“Let’s talk about your thoughts on this promotional plan.”
Fang Yuan’s words temporarily pulled me out of my inner struggle. I finally nodded, ready to discuss my thoughts on this promotional plan with Fang Yuan.
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