I took the resignation letter that Chen Jingming had already signed to the HR Department and then to the Finance Department. After completing all the procedures, I returned to the office.
I approached Fangyuan and said, “I’ve already applied for resignation to Chen Jingming, and he agreed. Please arrange someone to take over my work.”
After I spoke, the office fell silent. Even the sound of keyboard typing ceased. All eyes turned toward me. Like Chen Jingming, none of them expected me to suddenly resign.
Fangyuan, however, showed no surprise and said to me, “I know your work well. No need for a handover. I’ll arrange someone to take over.”
I nodded without saying much, then walked toward my desk and began packing my belongings. Besides sadness, I felt a sense of relief after long suppression. Perhaps I never belonged to this city, and eventually I would leave. This was just a little earlier than expected.
Zhaoli came to my side, tugged at my clothes, and quietly asked, “Zhaoyang, why did you suddenly resign?”
I smiled and said, “Now that I’ve resigned, aren’t you happy? There’s no one left in this company to suppress your effeminate self anymore.”
Though I joked with Zhaoli, he seriously replied, “Zhaoyang, don’t say that. We’ve worked together for a long time. We’re colleagues, but also friends.”
“Do you consider me a friend?”
Zhaoli nodded and said, “Although you’re sarcastic and sometimes play dirty tricks, you’re not a bad person. Every time I took a leave, you always willingly took care of my work. Others may not understand you, but I do.”
I smiled, feeling a complex emotion inside, then patted Zhaoli’s shoulder without saying more. I lowered my head again and continued packing my office supplies while Zhaoli helped me.
After a while, I finally finished packing. I carried the cardboard box and said goodbye to my colleagues with whom I had worked for more than two years. They all stood up to bid me farewell. Perhaps during these years, I had suppressed them in various ways, but in their hearts, they didn’t hold grudges against me. As Zhaoli put it: although I was sarcastic and tricky, I was upright in the planning department. I never excluded or slandered anyone at work.
I nodded at my colleagues in acknowledgment, and finally came to the only seated Fangyuan. I patted his shoulder and said, “Buddy, I’m off.”
Fangyuan neither looked up nor responded to me. His reaction surprised everyone. They were all puzzled why, although we usually got along like brothers, Fangyuan was so cold towards me at this moment.
Eventually, without getting any response, I bitterly smiled, waved my hand at everyone for the last time, and carried the cardboard box toward the company’s exit.
Thus, my world became free, but only at this moment! The future, however, transformed into a trap lying on the road I must take, waiting for me to fall. Perhaps it would cripple me, or perhaps in the desire to survive, I would become stronger, struggle to escape the trap, and become a master of life. But the outcome remains unknown, and only time can give me the answer. Therefore, I need not speculate, but simply look forward with the desire to survive, walking on thin ice!
…
After leaving the company, I went directly back to my newly rented apartment. The first thing I did after closing the door was to take off my shoes, lie on the bed, and cover myself with the quilt, hoping to fall into a sound sleep, free from all burdens.
Unfortunately, throughout the afternoon lying on the bed, I didn’t feel the slightest sleepiness. Most of the time, I just stared at the ceiling, then lit a cigarette in panic, repeating the cycle until the sky outside gradually darkened. Thus, the city was once again covered by light and shadows. But I was isolated in a dark space by four walls, unable to feel the warmth of light and shadow. It seemed my winter had already arrived before winter itself!
Looking at the city-lit red sky outside the window, I felt somewhat dazed. In my daze, I lit another cigarette. I took only one puff, but felt a sharp pain in my lungs. It was then I realized that during this sleepless afternoon, I had smoked too many cigarettes. But what of it? At least the dense smoke saved me from loneliness and helplessness. So I took another heavy puff, dispelling helplessness and scattering loneliness, but it came at the cost of a heavy cough. Sigh, life is indeed hard to have both!
The night grew deeper. I seemed to be still wandering, still dazed, forgotten in this cold corner by the whole world, until the phone rang and woke me.
I turned over and painfully reached for the phone on the nightstand beside the bed. Looking at the number, I was surprised to find it was Yan Yan calling.
I hesitated for a long time before answering the call. I didn’t speak first, waiting for Yan Yan’s interrogation. At this time, probably Fangyuan had already told her everything that had happened today.
“Zhaoyang, where are you?” Yan Yan’s voice wasn’t as stern as I had imagined.
I was surprised by her tone and hesitated for a moment before replying, “At my place.”
“Have you had dinner?”
“Not really.” I absentmindedly answered.
“Not really?… Are you out of your mind? How can you give me such a vague answer about whether you’ve eaten or not!” Yan Yan said with a mix of laughter and exasperation.
So I immediately gave her a definite answer, “I have.”
“What did you eat?”
I finally impatiently said, “Do I have to report how many times I went to the bathroom today too?”
Yan Yan replied with a huff, “You’re such a show-off. Don’t pretend. Come to my house for dinner.”
“I won’t go. Your husband doesn’t like me!” I firmly refused, actually afraid of facing Fangyuan. No matter how noble my reasons were, I had ultimately ruined his and Chen Jingming’s career prospects.
“Then let’s go out to eat alone. Today, I heard from Fangyuan that you resigned. When I asked him why, he wouldn’t say. He’s been so gloomy…” Yan Yan didn’t finish her sentence, but her meaning was clear. She wanted to know why I resigned, why Fangyuan was gloomy, and why I said her husband didn’t like me.
I weighed it for a moment and agreed to Yan Yan’s request to go out for dinner alone. Before leaving this city, I at least needed to explain some things clearly to her, and hoped that Fangyuan could eventually understand and forgive me.
…
I waited outside the restaurant where I had agreed to meet Yan Yan for her arrival. Since Yan Yan drove a Mazda6, I paid extra attention to whether any passing cars were Mazda6s. But finally, what stopped in front of me was a red Cadillac CTS. Upon closer inspection, I found it was Jian Wei’s car, and then I saw Jian Wei and Yan Yan sitting inside.
Yan Yan, that big坑 woman, said she would go out to eat with me alone, but she brought Jian Wei along… A flash of displeasure passed, then I felt deeply puzzled. Why did Jian Wei come? Had she stayed in Suzhou all these days without leaving? And had Yan Yan already told her: Mi Cai was only a fake girlfriend I had dragged into this?
These uncertainties surprised me, made me uneasy, and somewhat embarrassed, because from what I knew of Yan Yan, after finding out that Mi Cai wasn’t really my girlfriend, she would definitely tell Jian Wei.
I sighed again inwardly. It seemed like another night that would only make a bad situation worse!
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