In the car, Fangyuan sat in the passenger seat while I was in the back. The three of us barely exchanged a word throughout the entire journey. After a long silence, Yan Yan finally said to me, “Zhaoyang, Fangyuan told me about your resignation. He misunderstood you a bit. There isn’t any deal between you and Mi Cai, right? You told her about the power struggle within Zhuo Mei because you couldn’t live with your conscience—am I right?”
I remained silent for a long time. I never expected Yan Yan, an outsider to this situation, would offer me understanding at the moment I was about to leave. She was right. I had also hoped to support Chen Jingming while keeping my job and career prospects, but I just couldn’t live with myself. This inner conflict had tormented me for several days.
Seeing my silence, Yan Yan softly continued, “It was indeed wrong for Fangyuan to speak to you that way, but I also hope you can understand him. Please don’t let this issue create any unpleasantness between you two brothers, because neither of you is wrong—it’s just a matter of differing perspectives.”
Before Yan Yan could finish speaking, I interrupted, “Of course I understand Fangyuan. I just hope he doesn’t see me as someone who forgets his principles for personal gain. Perhaps I did make a mistake in this matter, but I genuinely don’t regret it. Subconsciously, I felt I had to do what I did, regardless of whether the person involved was Mi Cai or someone else.”
Yan Yan sighed and said, “Ah, I don’t know what else to say. It’s just a pity to lose this job… Oh, by the way, Fangyuan has already received the official notice—he’s now the deputy manager of the planning department at Baoli, and Zhao Li has become the leader of the planning copywriting team. So you don’t need to worry about Fangyuan anymore.”
This news made me both happy and sad. I was happy for Fangyuan but felt a sense of loss for myself. However, I didn’t dwell on this feeling of sadness and quickly turned to Fangyuan to ask, “What about Chen Jingming? Has he joined the company’s upper management?”
Fangyuan shook his head and said, “No, and he probably won’t have the opportunity to become part of the company’s core leadership anymore.”
I could hear the dissatisfaction and disappointment in Fangyuan’s tone. I knew I had ruined the hard-earned opportunity for Chen Jingming. I also understood that after missing this chance, with his age, it would be nearly impossible for him to ever become part of the company’s core leadership.
We fell silent again, until Yan Yan finally spoke up. She asked me, “Zhaoyang, did you tell Mi Cai about this in person?”
I shook my head and said, “No, I just wrote her an anonymous letter.”
“You really are too naive. At the very least, you should have let Mi Cai know it was you so she’d owe you a big favor. Given her standing in the business world, she’d certainly repay it generously.” Yan Yan sighed as she finished speaking.
I just smiled and said, “If I had that kind of mindset, wouldn’t I become exactly the kind of person Fangyuan accused me of being?”
Unexpectedly, Fangyuan responded to me this time. In a low voice, he said, “I’d rather you were that kind of person than see you return to Xuzhou like this, defeated and dispirited. Do you have any idea how upset I am? I was really pissed off that you ruined Chen Jingming’s opportunity, but what I hate even more is seeing you leave like this, feeling so choked up inside. Do you understand?”
Fangyuan’s words made my eyes well up. At that moment, I finally realized that no matter how much we had argued and misunderstood each other, deep down in our hearts, we were brothers—true brothers who had struggled together in this city for a long time.
At that moment, I didn’t know how to express myself anymore. I just tilted my head back, not wanting the tears welling up in my eyes to fall. Yan Yan, who was driving, had already pulled out a tissue and wiped away the tears on her cheeks.
As I looked back at this city one last time, I realized that I hadn’t been able to leave all the pain behind in this city as I had imagined. What I was taking away were only gray feelings of grievance and resentment.
Fangyuan sighed heavily, then took a box from his bag and threw it to me, saying, “This is a lung-cleansing capsule sent by a friend from abroad. It’s been effective for me. You can try it too. And try to smoke less. When you run out, give me a call, and I’ll have my friend send it directly to you.”
I just nodded, putting the lung-cleansing capsules into my bag. Finally, in silence, we arrived at the train station, which meant it was time to part ways.
I took my luggage from Fangyuan and Yan Yan, waved goodbye to them, and said, “I’m off. Feel free to visit Xuzhou sometime.”
Yan Yan nodded and said to me, “Yes, we’ll definitely miss you. Have a safe journey.”
I smiled and asked Fangyuan, who had been silent all along, “What, aren’t you going to wish your buddy a safe journey?”
But Fangyuan suddenly hugged me, his voice choked up, and he heavily patted my back, saying, “Give my regards to Ban Da… and also, you’d better not just drift through life anymore. Get your life together quickly, don’t make Yan Yan and me worry, understand?”
At that moment, I was deeply moved. I gritted my teeth, swallowing my tears, and recalled how, at graduation, we had sworn with such passion to put down roots in this city. A few years have passed, and Fangyuan, after striving, really did put down roots here and married the woman he loved. As for me, after struggling painfully for more than two years, I could only leave this city with nothing but my body and soul.
I tilted my head back and took a deep breath, finally smiling at Fangyuan and saying, “Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll be fine. Maybe before long, you and Yan Yan will receive my wedding invitation.”
“Work hard. When you get married, Yan Yan and I will definitely give you a big gift,” Fangyuan said as he hugged me tighter.
Yan Yan came to my side, pushed Fangyuan aside, hugged me, and said tearfully, “Come on, Zhaoyang, keep fighting. We’ll visit you in Xuzhou when we have time! And remember, if you start dating someone, you must let us meet her first—we’ll help you vet her.”
I was deeply moved but pushed Yan Yan away, forcing a smile, and said, “…You two don’t gang up on me with all this emotional stuff anymore. I’m a grown man and can’t take it anymore! Don’t make me cry. I really don’t want to cry—I want to leave with a smile.”
Yan Yan, now smiling through her tears, lightly hit me and said, “Fine then, I’ll let you leave with a smile. We’ll come visit you in Xuzhou after we have some vacation time.”
“Come on, that’s already the third time you’ve said you’ll come see me! …But when you do come, I’ll definitely roll out the red carpet to welcome you.”
Yan Yan nodded and helped me tidy up my disheveled clothes after the hug, saying, “Give us a call when you get home.”
“Got it. If you keep talking like this, I’m going to start calling you ‘Mom’… ” I paused and then added, “You two should also live a good life and continue being the loving couple that makes me jealous… Well, time’s about up. I’m off. You two should go back now too.”
Fangyuan wrapped his arms around Yan Yan, and the two waved goodbye to me. I looked back at the city one last time, slung my guitar over my back, grabbed my suitcase, and walked into the station without looking back. Yet I felt the guitar on my back growing heavier and heavier.
…
An hour later, I boarded the train bound for Xuzhou. As I watched the increasingly unfamiliar scenery outside the window, I finally felt that I had truly left. But what kind of life awaited me?
I hoped that Ban Da could arrange a stable job for me at his state-owned enterprise, that my mother would introduce me to a beautiful girl for matchmaking, and that I would do my best to perform well in the job arranged by Ban Da and fall in love with the beautiful girl introduced by my mother… Then my life would start anew, and all those old past memories would just be blown away by the wind!
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