Five days passed in the blink of an eye, and I finally completed the handover of my work. This was my last night in Xuzhou. I wanted to go home and say goodbye to Banda and Mom, but I couldn’t find the courage or reason to do so. Right now, they were still furious. Going back would only add to their troubles and accomplish nothing. So, I remained alone in a small hotel, drinking beer and tasting emptiness and loneliness.
As I drank, my mind became hazy. In my daze, I saw the guitar standing in the corner again. But this guitar had clearly been given to me by Jian Wei. Yet the first image that emerged in my mind was: not long ago, I had used this guitar to sing “The Proverb of Love” for Mi Cai, who had burst into tears. I held her tightly in my arms.
Thinking of Mi Cai, recalling the many arguments we had because of that house, I finally smiled faintly. I wondered what kind of intersection there would be between us after I returned to Suzhou. I remembered she had told me: if I came back, she would let me stay in that old house. I hoped she still remembered her promise and would keep it.
I lay flat on the bed, emptying my mind. I didn’t know how long I had been like that when my phone rang. I thought it was a call, but it was just a text message. The sender was none other than Li Xiaoyun. She said: she was waiting for me at the café where we first met, and she emphasized that I didn’t have to come.
I felt guilty toward Li Xiaoyun, so without hesitation, I put on my coat and headed to that café where we had first met.
…
When I arrived at the café, everything was just like the day we first met. I looked around, and Li Xiaoyun was still sitting in the same spot. But this time, I couldn’t smile. I walked toward her, carrying only the weight of guilt.
I sat across from Li Xiaoyun and looked at her. I found her face was so haggard.
I remained silent, at a loss for words. Finally, Li Xiaoyun spoke, saying, “I heard from Director Zhou that you’ve completed all your work handover today.”
“Yeah.”
Pain flickered across Li Xiaoyun’s face. After a long silence, she asked, “You’re leaving Xuzhou tomorrow, right?”
I nodded and said, “The train departs tomorrow at 2 p.m.”
Li Xiaoyun no longer looked at me, her gaze drifting out the window at the dry leaves being swept up by the cold wind…
Not sure how long had passed, Li Xiaoyun finally said softly, “I heard that every farewell causes a star to fall. But… even if it falls, it will shine brilliantly as a meteor for a brief moment, right?”
I knew Li Xiaoyun was comparing herself to that falling star, but I didn’t know how she wanted to shine brilliantly at this moment of parting.
Li Xiaoyun finally looked at me, her expression complex as she asked, “Zhaoyang, tell me honestly, what kind of woman is worth you abandoning our relationship that was heading toward marriage? I want to know clearly, so I can live the rest of my life peacefully.”
It was hard for me to define my relationship with Leyao, so I finally just said, “A friend, a friend who shared hardships.”
“Just that? Didn’t anything ever happen between you two?” Li Xiaoyun questioned.
Under her questioning, I finally admitted, “Yes, once, during the most decadent period of my life, I slept with her. But we didn’t have romantic love between a man and a woman.”
“I can’t understand. But our relationship is over, and I don’t want to investigate anymore. I just needed an answer, and now you’ve given it to me!” Li Xiaoyun said, dazed.
“I’m sorry, Xiaoyun…”
“There’s no such thing as being sorry in love. Being together or breaking up is always our own choice. The only person you truly wronged is our parents. We disappointed their expectations.”
Li Xiaoyun was right, but I ultimately couldn’t make up for anything, so I remained silent…
In my silence, Li Xiaoyun unexpectedly asked me, “Zhaoyang, do you remember when we first met, you borrowed money from me?”
“Yeah.”
“Now you’re about to leave, shouldn’t two people about to part ways settle all debts between us?”
“Right.”
“Okay, now I’ll borrow a thousand yuan from you.”
Without hesitation, I said, “No problem.” I took out 1000 yuan from my wallet and handed it to Li Xiaoyun.
Li Xiaoyun took the money from me, smiled, and said, “But I won’t pay this back to you.”
I thought about why Li Xiaoyun would do this. Wasn’t it supposed to be settling all debts? Why didn’t she plan to repay me?
But sometimes a woman’s heart is deep as the sea, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure out her intentions.
Li Xiaoyun didn’t intend to explain, just put the money into her wallet, then stood up to leave.
“Xiaoyun, you just said that even a falling meteor shines brilliantly for a moment. How brilliantly do you want to shine? I’m willing to give it to you.” Finally, I asked her retreating back.
“Zhaoyang, I don’t want anything else from you… You must understand, not every brilliant moment of a falling meteor is seen by someone… As long as I know that I once shone brilliantly, that’s enough… Take care!” Li Xiaoyun said, her voice choked, and then she left without hesitation. Through the large glass window, I saw her walking into the crowd on the street, soon swallowed by the neon lights. I could no longer see her, and a relationship that had once eagerly pursued marriage quietly ended in the glow of the neon lights…
With a heavy sigh, I felt reluctant, but even more painful!
…
The next day, I boarded the train heading to Suzhou at 2 p.m. No one saw me off, and I didn’t say goodbye to anyone. This seemingly simple departure made my time in Xuzhou seem like just a brief trip. I had only paused momentarily, yet I had thrown a stone into a river, creating a beautiful mistake that followed with a beautiful splash. I think I will remember this beautiful mistake for a very long time!
Finally, I arrived in Suzhou at 8:30 p.m. As my feet left the train and stepped onto this familiar land, I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. Perhaps my destiny had already taken root in this city of wounds. After a dream, I had eventually returned. What the future holds for me, I do not know. I can only hope that in this city that has left me scarred, I can still find traces of happiness.
I took a taxi directly to CC’s Empty City Restaurant because here were the people I missed and the music I longed for. Don’t misunderstand, the person I missed was only CC.
Pushing open the restaurant door, CC was still in her usual pose, holding a cigarette in one hand and a beer beside her, quietly singing her favorite songs.
I put down my luggage and instinctively gave her a thumbs-up. For the first time, CC didn’t finish her song but handed the microphone to the band behind her and came toward me.
“Hi, Zhaoyang, long time no see!”
“Yeah, about two months, right?”
CC opened her arms, and I hugged her. She whispered in my ear, “It’s almost three months… Oh, you came a bit late. Mi Cai just left after having dinner here.”
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