It seemed as if no one cared about the brief incident just now. The banquet maintained a great atmosphere throughout, and no one drank sparingly. After all, it was the weekend, and everyone was using this party to relax themselves.
I, however, didn’t indulge in drinking, because I hadn’t completed the decoration plan for the bar yet. I needed a clear head to work hard for the bar’s future.
Glancing at the time, it was already nearly half past twelve. I really had no mood to stay any longer, so I took my leave from the group early.
After stepping out of the hotel and breathing the outdoor air, my mood finally became less stifling. I wasn’t sure when Zhao Li followed me out of the hotel as well.
I lit a cigarette for myself before asking him, “Why did you come out too?”
“I have to go to the company to organize a merchant management meeting,” Zhao Li explained.
“Even on weekends you have to work overtime!” I instinctively sighed.
Zhao Li smiled and said to me, “By the way, do you want my little Alto?”
“What price?”
“Forget it, just take it. Anyway, the car won’t fetch much on the market, although I’ve maintained it well.”
Without hesitation, I replied, “Alright then, once you finish your work, bring it to where I live.”
As Zhao Li and I were talking, two men and a woman walked out of the hotel. I couldn’t help but look at the woman more closely, as she exuded a very intellectual beauty.
Zhao Li, with an envious tone, said to me, “Zhaoyang, do you know who those two men are?”
I shook my head, indicating I didn’t know, but I was certain they must be successful people, because the cars each of them got into were luxurious.
“They are quite famous in the catering industry. One is Zhang Yixi, the owner of Seaview Café, and the other has an even bigger reputation, Han Feng, the young master of Huali Group… Both are young entrepreneurs who have risen in the past couple of years! They must be here in Suzhou for a business meeting.”
I didn’t respond, feeling a huge sense of disparity in my heart, but I wasn’t envious of them, because everyone has their own fate and circumstances. After a while, I asked Zhao Li, “Who is that woman?”
“Chen Qingyi, Zhang Yixi’s wife. She is a well-known female TV host.” He added with a sigh, “This is the upper class society! People like us can only look up to them with admiration.”
I smiled and said, “How do you know people from the upper class necessarily live better lives? Perhaps Zhang Yixi’s marriage to that TV host might not even be a happy one!”
“That’s impossible. If I could marry a wife like that, I would be satisfied for life and die without regrets!”
“You might not think that way once you reach that level. People are changeable, right, Zhao Li?”
Zhao Li thought for a moment and said, “Maybe. Who can truly understand another person’s world… I have to go to the company now. I’ll bring the car to you later.”
I nodded, watching as the two men drove their luxury cars past me. I couldn’t help but wonder, were they really living such a good life? At least Miyao, who is equally brilliant, is so lonely.
So, what should one pursue in life? And how valuable are material wealth and success?
I don’t know! Perhaps I will never understand! Because life itself is an unsolvable riddle.
…
Back at my place, I immersed myself in work again until nearly evening, when I finally completed the renovation plan. Then I started collecting information about various decoration companies in Suzhou online, in order to improve the efficiency of negotiations the next day.
The sky outside had already darkened. I closed my laptop, leaned back in my office chair, lit another cigarette, and my thoughts drifted aimlessly.
The smoke from my cigarette filled the unlit room, and I felt the oppression and heaviness again. Today’s events at the banquet made me realize how much of a failure I had become over the years. I had even sunk to the point where my ex-girlfriend had to help me maintain my dignity. What had happened to me?
Jianwei’s departure must have been because she was disappointed in me. I remember it was not long after she went to the United States. We hadn’t officially broken up yet. That day, we were chatting through voice call on video, and Jianwei asked me if I had been working hard for our future. I took out a bag of lottery tickets from the cabinet and told her that was the result of my efforts.
That day, Jianwei was very angry with me, thinking I was unreliable… Although we continued to stay in touch afterward, the frequency became less and less, until we finally broke up.
On the day we broke up, I held that pile of lottery tickets and cried bitterly, because Jianwei didn’t understand me… Buying lottery tickets wasn’t being unreliable. It was because I loved her too much, cared for her too deeply, and was afraid I couldn’t provide her with material security when she came back, and even more afraid I couldn’t afford to marry her. So foolishly, I placed my hopes on the lottery, buying ten tickets every day for several months.
Thinking about this incident again, my heart ached. In life, who could truly understand another person’s world?
That’s why Jianwei would never understand the efforts I had made for our love. Before we broke up, I even sang at a bar every day after work until the early hours of the morning, just to earn a little more money.
No matter how tired I was, as long as I thought of the word “waiting” she had written on the car window with lipstick when she left, I didn’t feel tired anymore. Remembering the happiness we had once imagined together, I felt that all the waiting was worth it.
But now I really feel tired, as if I can’t find the direction of life, and I don’t know what kind of love I want, or rather, I have already rejected love, because I don’t want to endure that kind of heart-wrenching pain again.
That’s why I wanted to marry Lixiaoyun, addicted to the sense of security she gave me. But did I really love her? I didn’t. That’s why when Lixiaoyun and I broke up, Bada didn’t feel sorry at all. Instead, he thought I had done Lixiaoyun a favor!
What a great irony, making me feel helpless and pained.
Finally, the streetlights outside the window lit up as they had the day before, and my emotions gradually calmed down in the dimness. But unintentionally, I saw the guitar leaning in the corner of the wall, engraved with Jianwei’s and my name… So I cried, a helpless cry.
While sobbing, I lit another cigarette. In the smoke-filled haze, I saw through the future. Even if I were given a pair of wings at this moment, I could no longer reach the place Jianwei and I once dreamed of!
…
The sound of car horns outside finally brought me back from my memories. Looking out the window, I saw Zhao Li had arrived in his little Alto.
I quickly wiped away the tears on my face. I could cry bitterly alone, but in front of others, I was still the same carefree and indifferent Zhaoyang as before. Just like in the past, I could instantly put on a mask of indifference and smile to face Zhao Li.
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