Fortunately, Mi Cai took a long enough time to wash up, so after I finished my cigarette, I opened the window, and soon the smoke smell disappeared, restoring everything to normal. However, my distress did not dissipate along with the smoke. My mind was filled with the image of Jian Wei leaving.
Mi Cai finally walked out of the bathroom. Although she wore no makeup, beauty seemed etched onto her face. In the deep stillness of night, she appeared so unreal to me. I thought: women really shouldn’t be this beautiful; she should be more ordinary.
“Zhaoyang, who won the race between you and Wei Xiao today?”
“I did.”
“Oh, the ten-thousand RPM engine really is amazing!”
“Not bad.”
Mi Cai didn’t notice that I was reluctant to speak, and she continued curiously, “Then did he treat you to KFC?”
“No, I treated him.”
“You won, right?…With your character, would you really let the little fatty off the hook easily?”
Mi Cai’s words reminded me of Wei Xiao’s tragic background, pulling my thoughts back. I patted the sofa, indicating her to sit down.
Mi Cai sat beside me, clearly very interested in why I had treated the little guy.
In my low spirits, I told Mi Cai about Wei Xiao’s background. After speaking, I looked at her and found that she was crying—unable to control her tears.
Only then did I realize that Wei Xiao’s background was very similar to hers. The difference was: she had sufficient material comforts to fill her life, while Wei Xiao had nothing except his grandfather.
I pulled a tissue from the box and handed it to her. She wiped her tears but continued to cry bitterly. Perhaps this was the pain of empathy. I felt a bit guilty for having told her about Wei Xiao’s background.
At night, with a woman crying softly beside me, my heart was filled with torment, yet I didn’t know how to comfort her. I could only blame the night for making people too emotional…
At a loss, I said to Mi Cai, “If you don’t mind, I can lend you my shoulder to cry on for a while.”
Mi Cai really leaned onto my shoulder, sobbing, as if having found support, crying even harder.
Actually, I understood her psychology at this moment. She was tired. She really missed her father, Mi Zhongxin. If Mi Zhongxin were still alive, he wouldn’t have allowed Mi Zhongde to manipulate Zhuo Mei as he pleased, and she wouldn’t have to face the cruel business battles alone, still being the sheltered young lady protected by her father.
After a long while, Mi Cai finally lifted her head from my shoulder, but she had left a tear-stained patch on my coat. She took out a tissue to wipe away her tears and apologized, saying, “I’ll dry-clean your coat when I have time.”
“No need, I don’t mind your tears.”
Mi Cai had calmed down a bit. Looking at me, she said, “Haven’t you heard that crying leaves one teary and snotty?”
“So you’re saying you wiped your snot on my coat too?”
“Who cares about such things when they’re sad? So really, I’m sorry for dirtying your cool jacket.”
I looked at my jacket and sighed, “Hmm… Now that you mention it, it really does seem pretty cool!”
Then we both burst into laughter. At that moment, we could only relieve our emotional pressure in this way.
After the laughter, we fell silent again. Because all the attempts to find joy in sorrow are temporary, while the pain has already been carved into our bones. After a long while, I finally asked Mi Cai, “If I’m not mistaken, that Weiran must have been with you and given you much help during the most painful time of your life, right?”
Mi Cai nodded, saying, “Yes, he’s the one who taught me to play guitar. Without him, I can’t imagine how I would have survived that period!”
I fell silent, feeling somewhat envious of Weiran. If I had met Mi Cai back then, I think I would have taught her to play guitar too…
Mi Cai smiled again and said, “Actually, I’m quite lucky. I had him as a friend in America, and after returning to China, I met you. Because of you, I got to know CC and Luoben. You’ve all been so good to me!”
I felt a bit disappointed. Perhaps Mi Cai didn’t have any special feelings for me. I was just one of all her friends.
I concealed my disappointment and smiled, saying, “Don’t forget your wounds once they’ve healed! Am I really that good to you?…I still remember throwing away your quilt and sheets.”
“But you wouldn’t do that now, right?”
“Don’t be so sure!”
“People’s relationships are gradually built upon understanding. Back then, I wished I could send you to the police station, but now I don’t have such thoughts at all. Although you’re still the same you, I now understand you better.”
I strongly agreed with Mi Cai’s words and felt her thoughtfulness. Although she seemed indifferent on the surface, her inner world was as rich as mine. While I was sensing and speculating about her, she was sensing and speculating about me too.
But what exactly had changed us into who we are now? I didn’t hope it was because I once helped her; I preferred to believe that it was the accumulation of small, detailed moments in everyday life that changed us.
The night grew deeper, and Mi Cai became quieter. Looking at her, a sudden stir of emotion surged through my tired heart. At that moment, I no longer wanted to recall those painful memories. I wanted to confess to her… But I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I thought she had no reason to become my girlfriend, Zhaoyang’s. Even if she really needed a boyfriend, it should be someone rich like Weiran, who had comforted and cared for her during her darkest times… So my expression became increasingly strained.
Mi Cai looked at me, puzzled, and asked, “Zhaoyang, is there something you want to tell me?”
“Uh…”
Mi Cai looked at me, patiently waiting. Her breathing seemed somewhat hurried, or maybe not. Anyway, in that moment, I felt extremely nervous, too preoccupied to read her expression clearly.
“Uh… You can go ahead and dry-clean my jacket,” I said, taking it off and tossing it to Mi Cai.
Mi Cai took my jacket and, after a while, said to me, “Do you have to be so hesitant about such a small thing?”
“How else should I talk to you about it?”
Mi Cai didn’t respond further, folding the jacket and placing it on the coffee table. After a long while, she said again, “It’s getting late. I’m going to rest.”
“Oh, okay.”
“You should rest early too… By the way, when I come back from Shanghai, let’s go find Wei Xiao together. I want to help him.”
“Sure, no problem.” I quickly agreed.
Mi Cai looked at me again but said nothing else, then got up from the sofa and walked toward her room, leaving me alone once again in the empty living room.
I hurried to the balcony, lit a cigarette, and felt a wave of fear. Just now, I was lucky to have controlled myself. I clearly knew that at night, people are extremely emotional, and any confession based on such emotion is just being a rogue. I really didn’t want to leave a mark of being a rogue in Mi Cai’s life.
Actually, I was even more afraid of the pain of being rejected!
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