After finishing a cigarette, CC sent me another WeChat message: “Zhaoyang, be honest with me, do you really like Mi’er?”
Her question stirred my heart, and it took a while before I could calm down enough to reply: “Yes, I do. But just like when you once liked Roben, after you confessed your feelings to him, he distanced himself from you for a long time, and you nearly lost your friendship. So please, don’t make me repeat your mistakes, okay?”
It seemed I had inadvertently touched a nerve of CC’s, as she didn’t reply until quite some time later: “I understand your concerns, because I’ve experienced them myself… Alright then, I’ll find a chance to ask her how she feels about you.”
“Please don’t! You don’t know how clever and perceptive she is, do you? The moment you give the slightest hint, she’ll figure out your intentions. I’d rather let things take their natural course, so please don’t meddle anymore… Okay, CC?”
After a long pause, CC replied with a simple sigh. Our conversation ended there. I sat motionlessly on the bed for a long while before turning off the light, allowing myself to be swallowed by the heavy night, once again trapped in the anxiety of insomnia.
I began to indulge in daydreams again, even imagining that one day I might lie in bed with Mi’er as her boyfriend or husband, chatting about life’s frustrations and dreaming about a beautiful future. Then, the night would feel as soft as clouds, and with her by my side, I could cast aside all my anxieties and sleep peacefully. But… how utterly unrealistic this fantasy was. All I could do was bury it deep inside my heart and avoid touching it, so it wouldn’t transform into a tormenting desire.
…
After a long bout of insomnia, I didn’t get up until nearly noon the next day. I had a quick lunch and then started working on the marketing plan for the themed music bar “The Fifth Season.” However, my mind remained blank, and despite racking my brain all afternoon, I still hadn’t come up with any good ideas.
As I leaned back in my chair, watching the sunset through the window, I finally took out my phone and dialed Mi’er’s number. I wanted to arrange a meeting with Fangyuan and Chen Jingming the next day. This matter couldn’t be postponed too long—it was better to determine the outcome sooner so Fangyuan and Chen Jingming could settle down earlier.
Mi’er answered the call shortly after I dialed. I got straight to the point: “Are you free tomorrow?”
“Why?”
“If you’re free, I’d like to arrange a meeting between you, Fangyuan, and Chen Jingming, so we can settle this matter as soon as possible.”
“Just wait a bit longer…”
“Wait? Is it because you’re busy, or is there another reason?”
“I have my own reasons. Let’s schedule the meeting for a week from now, okay?”
Although I thought a week was rather long, since this was a favor Mi’er was doing for me, I didn’t want to push too hard. After a moment of silence, I finally said: “Alright, I’ll go with your arrangement.”
“Okay.”
“Well then, you go ahead and take care of your things.”
“Wait…”
Confused, I asked: “Is there anything else?”
“Um… I’m about to finish work. Can I come over to your place for dinner?”
Her request puzzled me a bit, so I asked: “Sure, you can come over for dinner, but won’t you be keeping the little sea turtle company? He flew all the way from the US just to see you!”
Mi’er replied earnestly: “First of all, he didn’t come back from the US specifically to see me. Secondly, if I go to be with him and he confesses to me again, what should I do? I don’t want to be as embarrassed as I was yesterday!”
At that moment, I really wanted to record Mi’er’s words and play them for CC to hear, to see if she would still encourage me to confess my feelings to Mi’er. Right then, I was truly grateful for my own rationality. Otherwise, today’s Wei Ran would be tomorrow’s me. I became even more convinced that any impulsive confession would inevitably lead to consequences.
After a brief silence, I joked with Mi’er: “So you’re treating my place as a refuge now!”
“That’s not quite right. The house is technically mine anyway… Oh, by the way, did you buy the potted plants I asked you to get?”
Embarrassed by her reminder, I replied: “No, I haven’t bought them yet.”
“Because you bought the racing car?”
“Yeah. But one thing at a time—once I’m in a better financial position, I’ll definitely buy those potted plants. I won’t renege on my promise just because I gave you the racing car.”
Suddenly, Mi’er’s tone turned more appreciative: “Zhaoyang, I’m really glad to see that even someone as incorrigibly irresponsible as you can change for the better. Forget about the potted plants.”
I ignored Mi’er’s thinly veiled sarcasm and shot back: “You’re just feeling guilty because you keep mooching meals off me, aren’t you?”
Caught off guard, Mi’er quickly changed the subject: “Um… After dinner, let’s go to the plaza and play with the racing car you gave me. I haven’t really played with it properly since you gave it to me!”
I didn’t feel like arguing with her and thought the idea was actually quite good—it would at least help me relax and relieve the fatigue of this exhausting day—so I agreed. But after ending the call, I suddenly realized that our roles had switched. She had become increasingly mischievous, while I had learned to enjoy her mischief. I just couldn’t tell whether she had enjoyed my mischievousness back then or found it tormenting. I suspected it was more likely the latter.
…
As evening fell, I busied myself in the kitchen while Mi’er, who had already returned, was in her room grading papers. This made me feel somewhat awkward, since I was a man and she was a woman. If we had switched roles at that moment, it would have seemed more appropriate. I thought to myself: this might be precisely why I was reluctant to confess my feelings to her, because not many men would willingly accept a situation in a relationship where the woman is stronger and the man is weaker.
Finally, dinner was ready. I took off my apron and placed all the dishes neatly on the table. As I was about to call Mi’er to eat, my phone unexpectedly rang.
It was a message, from Jian Wei. The content was simple: “I’m by the moat. I feel a bit down. If you have time, can you come keep me company?”
I was immediately caught in a dilemma. This was supposed to be a moment to enjoy dinner under the city lights. Yet, the thought of Jian Wei sitting alone by the moat in the cold wind made me feel uneasy.
What had been going on with her lately? In my subconscious, I had always believed she was happy being with Xiangchen. Why did she keep going to the riverbank to seek solace after feeling lost?
As I was lost in confusion, Mi’er stepped out of her room. Looking at the table full of delicious food, she exclaimed: “Wow, dinner looks really great today!… I’m in a good mood. I can have a little rice wine with you.”
I remained silent for a moment before finally saying to Mi’er: “You eat first. I need to go out for a while.”
Mi’er immediately looked disappointed: “Can’t you go after dinner?”
I shook my head, then went back to my room to change into warmer clothes. When I came out again, Mi’er wasn’t sitting at the table eating. She had returned to her room.
I hesitated for a moment but ultimately didn’t ask why she wasn’t eating. Then I opened the door and went downstairs, driving into the night toward the moat that carried so many of my emotions. My heart grew increasingly anxious, and I was afraid that Jian Wei might not be happy right now…
After all, we had once deeply loved each other! That was what Jian Wei had told me not long ago, and now I was overwhelmed by that very feeling once again.
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