Chapter 161: Her Feelings Toward You

Mi Cai put down her suitcase and looked at the instant noodles on the table, asking, “Is this all you’re having for lunch?”

“It’s easier to just eat instant noodles.” He glanced at her suitcase and asked, “Are you here to pick up your luggage?”

“Yeah, I’m picking up a few clothes. My flight is tomorrow afternoon.”

His already bad mood worsened after Mi Cai’s response, so much that he didn’t want to speak anymore. He picked up the noodles, already soggy, and began eating.

Mi Cai looked at me, didn’t say anything further, and dragged her suitcase toward her room.

Watching her disappear from my sight, I suddenly didn’t feel like eating instant noodles anymore. I grabbed a coat and put it on, deciding to go downstairs for a walk and buy a pack of cigarettes.

…

Outside, the sun generously poured warm light onto the ground. Although the wind was a bit cold, it pushed the clouds across the blue sky, making everything seem beautiful, as if soothing my disordered soul.

After buying a pack of cigarettes, I sat on an electric rocking horse outside the convenience store and lit one up. I didn’t want to think about anything, yet again feeling that familiar sense of aimless decay.

I was annoyed with myself, so I fumbled in my pocket for some coins, inserted them into the rocking horse, and began swaying along with it.

A few minutes later, the horse stopped, so I inserted another coin, continuing this cycle repeatedly, indifferent to the passersby’s mocking or confused glances.

While swaying, I lit another cigarette, then habitually peeled off the plastic wrapper from the pack, holding it up to gaze at the sky.

Once again, I seemed to see the outline of that city, my heart filled with excitement. I desperately wanted to see the woman inside the city more clearly, but aside from her long hair reaching her shoulders, I still couldn’t make out her face. My heart grew more anxious, fearing that if I missed this fleeting opportunity, I would never see the city or the woman within it again.

I wanted to stand up from the rocking horse, but suddenly a voice broke the illusion.

The city in the sky gradually faded away, yet Mi Cai’s face became clearer. She waved her hand in front of me again and asked, “Zhaoyang, what are you doing?”

“Riding the rocking horse!” I said, inserting another coin into the slot, causing the horse to start rocking again while playing a children’s song.

“Isn’t it overloaded?”

“No, I often play on it!”

“Oh… can I play on it for a while?”

I pointed to the other rocking horse beside me and said, “Go sit on that one. I still have a few coins left!”

Mi Cai put down her suitcase and climbed onto the other rocking horse. I tossed her a coin and said, “Insert it into the coin slot.”

Mi Cai nodded, then put the coin in, and the rocking horse started swaying and singing.

I didn’t pay attention to Mi Cai anymore, continuing to smoke while swaying rhythmically, lost in my own thoughts.

“Zhaoyang… Zhaoyang, can you give me another coin?” Mi Cai asked me after a while.

I nodded and tossed her another coin. I intended to put one into my own rocking horse, but gave up, knowing Mi Cai would ask for more, and I only had two coins left. Seeing her having so much fun, I decided to give her the rest…

Sure enough, after a few minutes, Mi Cai asked me for another coin. This time I threw both coins to her. After she said “Thank you,” she continued playing.

At that moment, something unusual happened. Those glances that had previously been mocking now turned into kind smiles. I didn’t understand this shift at first, but when I looked at Mi Cai beside me, I realized: a man playing on such a rocking horse was considered crazy, but a beautiful woman doing the same was considered childishly charming.

See? There was so much inequality between us. Why should I, with my lowly soul, crave her indulgence? So if she wanted to go to America, let her go. There was no need for me to feel down.

“Zhaoyang, what are you thinking about?” Mi Cai asked me.

“Go play. Don’t bother me.”

Mi Cai got off the rocking horse, walked up to me, and said, “Let me treat you to dinner. You didn’t even finish your instant noodles.”

“I just came down to buy cigarettes. I’ll eat when I go back.”

“Isn’t having dinner with me better? Your noodles were already completely soggy!”

“Really, no need. You’re flying to America tomorrow, right? Go back and rest well!”

Mi Cai finally stopped insisting. Instead, she took out her phone and took a photo of me sitting on the rocking horse smoking. Then, she picked up her suitcase and said, “Then I’m off!”

“Delete that photo you just took!” I said unhappily.

“Who’s going to listen to you… You even stole my photos!”

I tried to jump off the rocking horse but stumbled, while Mi Cai had already dragged her suitcase to her car and disappeared into the traffic flow…

I couldn’t even bring myself to curse, just staring blankly in the direction she had gone.

I felt melancholy: It would be a long time before I saw her again, wouldn’t it?

I felt desolate: Perhaps the life she was about to start in America would make her fall for Weiran’s advances. In this fast-paced era, so much could change in a month… so much…

Back at home, I finished the soggy noodles and then lay back on the bed to sleep.

I had a nightmare. In the dream, Mi Cai had already returned from America, but she invited me to her wedding with Weiran, wearing a wedding ring.

I woke up startled from the dream, wiping the cold sweat off my forehead. I realized I had been tormented by this dream to the point of feeling weak and exhausted. I quickly poured a glass of plain water, drinking it while trying to ease the oppressive emotions that had almost suffocated me.

After finishing the glass of water, I looked out the window. The sky had already darkened. In the distance, the line of streetlights emitted their usual flirtatious glow, teasing the dull earth as they had for years. Yet the warm glow of countless distant lights made people overlook the teasing of the streetlights. Thus, the streetlights became even more brazen, and the earth gradually learned to accept it passively. But who understood the helplessness and pain hidden beneath that passivity?

I patted my face to wake myself up and quickly put on my clothes because it was time for me to go to the bar.

Driving through the congested streets, I felt how empty this city was about to become without Mi Cai. It was as if her laughter, her tears, her happiness, and her pain were what gave this city its charm…

At this moment, I began to understand: it wasn’t that this city lacked charm, but rather that she had become my entire world within this city.

…

Inside the bar, I found a corner with CC, smoking and chatting.

CC glanced around the bar and said to me, “Zhaoyang, the occupancy rate in the bar is nearly 70% tonight, much better than I expected!”

I nodded. Indeed, the bar’s business was much better than we had initially anticipated, but we still needed to continue promoting it. A 70% occupancy rate was only a foundation for operations.

CC flicked the ash off her cigarette and said, “Mi Cai is leaving for America tomorrow. Did you know?”

“Yeah, she came by my place today to pick up some clothes.”

CC smiled and said, “You must be feeling really reluctant, right?”

I stubbornly replied, “Not really.”

“I heard someone wanted to invite Mi Cai back to Xuzhou for the New Year!”

“CC… you bastard! Can you stop being so sarcastic? Who else could that ‘someone’ be? Who else is connected to Xuzhou besides me!”

After I complained, CC said with a tone of schadenfreude, “But Mi Cai is going to America with Weiran…”

“Want me to strangle you!” I said, glaring at CC.

Unexpectedly, my reaction made CC shake her head and sigh, “Zhaoyang, do you know how Mi Cai feels about you?”

My heart suddenly raced. I stared straight at CC. I believed that CC had asked me this because Mi Cai must have told her about her feelings for me.

I desperately wanted to know the truth, yet I also dreaded uncovering it, because the truth might very well mean pain.