Chapter 162: The Woman Who Cannot Be Hurt Anymore

I kept staring at CC, my heart pounding faster, while CC, not caring about my reaction, was about to tell me about Mi Cai’s feelings toward me.

I quickly gestured for her to stop.

CC looked surprised and asked, “What? Don’t you want to hear it?”

I lit a cigarette before saying to CC, “Go ahead, say it.”

CC smiled and said, “You seem to care a lot about her feelings toward you!”

“I’ve never denied that I like her,” I replied, exhaling smoke heavily.

CC nodded and said, “Actually, she herself is also confused about her feelings toward you.”

I looked at CC, emotions surging inside me, and remained silent for a long time before finally saying, “I know. That’s why she’s always been so distant yet close to me.”

“You’re right. She told me: she misses you when she doesn’t see you, but gets annoyed when she does.”

Half sweet, half discouraged, I finally laughed helplessly and said, “Go on.”

“She said: you take her go-karting, let her be a biker girl, ride electric horses… although these things are clearly childish, she can’t resist them…”

“She told you all of this!”

“Of course! What do you think a best friend is? From the style of underwear to emotional issues, even current events—we can talk about everything!”

I blurted out, “So, what style of underwear does she wear?”

CC gave me a disapproving look and said, “Be serious! Otherwise, we can’t continue this conversation.”

I adjusted my attitude and nodded.

“You all treat her like a goddess, but in fact, she’s just a woman. She has all the normal needs of a woman, longing to be loved and cared for by a man. To be precise, she longs for it even more than most women.”

I nodded in agreement. Usually, people from broken families lack a sense of security more.

CC continued, “But you? I bet you haven’t completely forgotten Jian Wei in your heart yet. And your temper is bad—you must have often taken it out on her, right?”

Hearing this, I felt even more ashamed and said after a while, “I know I don’t deserve her. I have a bad temper and no money…”

“Do you really think she’s a woman who cares about money?”

“It’s hard to say. After all, material conditions have almost become the only standard for women to judge men!”

“You’re talking nonsense! Am I not a woman? As long as Luoben is willing to be with me, I would be happy to wander with him. If he has no money, I can support him for the rest of my life!”

“You’re an exception. How many women do you see who smoke and drink like you?”

CC shook her head and said, “Zhaoyang, if you really think like this, you’ll really disappoint me. You’re just a pseudo-idealist. Let me tell you: if Mi Cai really cared about those so-called material conditions, she could have rich guys and playboys queuing up to pursue her anytime!”

I felt my logical thinking was lacking at this moment and chose to stay silent.

CC also remained silent for a long time before saying, “Think about how to change yourself. Anyway, it’s really hard to see the word ‘warmth’ on you, Zhaoyang. You’ve always been a lost wolf wandering in the dark night without direction. Women might be fascinated by your rebelliousness and individuality, but they’re also afraid to get close to you because of the lack of security!”

I looked at CC again, as if I finally understood Mi Cai’s feelings when facing me. I recalled the first time we met in that old house, and how miserable an image I had shown her then.

“So, how should I change?”

CC thought for a moment and said, “Didn’t you have a woman in Xuzhou who almost became your fiancée? Think about how you acted when you were with her.”

I recalled my mindset and details when I was with Li Xiaoyun and said after a while, “I wanted to work hard, buy a house, buy a car, and then marry her and have children.”

“Exactly! Just replace Li Xiaoyun with Mi Cai, and maintain that mindset—that’s the change you need to make!”

I murmured to myself, “I will work hard for Mi Cai. I will buy a house and a car for Mi Cai. I will marry Mi Cai and have her bear my children…”

Suddenly, I couldn’t continue anymore and helplessly turned to CC and said, “CC, why does this feel so awkward to me? Like I’m lying in bed drunk, having a daydream.”

“Awkward? You’ve always felt inferior in front of her, right? Then work hard and build your career! Once you reach a certain level, will you still feel awkward? Besides, what’s wrong with Mi Cai being your wife and bearing your children? Aren’t these things what women should do?”

I stared at CC, who looked serious, for a long time before saying, “Let me digest this for a while.”

“Don’t digest it. It’s a very simple thing. Throw away your bad habits, keep the good parts, become a reliable and capable man, give Mi Cai a home. Otherwise, I really should advise Mi Cai seriously to accept Weiran instead. He’s clearly better than you!”

“CC, don’t say that. Deep down, I’m still a good person!”

CC gave me a disdainful look and said, “I really don’t understand how those women could like you? You’re just an in-between person. When it comes to ideals, you’re not as thorough as Luoben; when it comes to reality, you can’t compare with Fangyuan and Xiangchen. But it’s really not easy for you to survive in this gap!”

Once again, CC’s words left me feeling ashamed. But when I thought about building a family with Mi Cai, I still felt it was not very real. After all, those deeply rooted perceptions couldn’t be changed by just a few words.

So CC asked me in frustration, “Zhaoyang, tell me, what exactly are you thinking now?”

This time, I didn’t stay silent. Almost instinctively, I replied, “Actually, I want to know what she’s thinking now.”

“She’s just as insecure as you. She’s afraid you can’t love her wholeheartedly, afraid to see you, yet afraid not to see you… She’s different from you. She’s completely new to love. In theory, she should go all out, but she’s smarter and more rational than most women, which is why she gives you that distant-yet-close feeling. But you should understand her—she’s a woman who can’t afford to get hurt anymore…”

“So… does she have romantic feelings for me?”

CC nodded approvingly and said, “Finally, you’re asking the right question. She was at my restaurant all this afternoon, and we talked a lot. Actually, she went to America to take some time away from you, trying to figure out her feelings toward you. She’s also afraid that what she feels for you is just a habit and dependence, not real romantic love.”

“And if she does like me? And if she doesn’t?”

“We’ll talk about it after she comes back from the U.S. I think even she probably doesn’t have the answer yet!”

I fell silent again. After finishing another cigarette, I asked CC, “One last question, what’s her feeling toward Weiran? And why did she refuse his confession before? She must have told you about that.”

CC nodded and replied, “She wants to see Weiran, but she’s not afraid to see him—that’s the difference between him and you. But you need to understand, even though she’s afraid to see you, she still finds various excuses to meet you. What kind of feeling is that if not love? Did you really think she just wanted to leave her clothes in that old house? She just needed an excuse to find you! Sigh! She’s so foolishly cute and foolishly heartbreaking!”

I remained silent, but a strong impulse surged in my heart—I wanted to find Mi Cai…

“Zhaoyang,” CC continued, “if Mi Cai really likes you, it’s not accidental. After all, you’re not without your virtues. First of all, you have a sense of justice—you even sacrificed your career to help her. Secondly, although you’re not very reliable, you still have your own sense of responsibility and accountability, making you an upright and honest man… I really hope…”

I gradually couldn’t hear clearly what CC was saying anymore. Finally, I grabbed the car key from the table and ran outside.

CC shouted behind me, “Zhaoyang, where are you going?”

“I’m going to find her… right now!”