CC chased me outside and grabbed my arm, saying, “She went directly to Shanghai after leaving my restaurant this afternoon. Do you think you can find her in Suzhou?”
I was momentarily stunned but still asked stubbornly, “Wasn’t her flight tomorrow afternoon?”
“Yeah, so she arrived in Shanghai tonight to avoid rushing tomorrow!”
It felt as if a bucket of icy cold water had been poured over my head on this freezing winter day. However, the desire to see Mi Cai in my heart didn’t fade. After a while, I spoke in a low voice, “I’ll go to Shanghai to find her.”
“You need to contact her first and find out which hotel she’s staying at,” CC said, taking out her phone and dialing Mi Cai’s number.
After a while, she shrugged helplessly and told me, “Her phone is off. She’s probably already asleep.”
I lit a cigarette absentmindedly, took a few heavy drags, and gradually calmed down. I asked myself: If I found her now, what would I even say?
Most likely, there wouldn’t be much to say, and we’d just fall into an awkward silence. After all, it was a stretch to say Mi Cai liked me now. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have gone to America with Weiran.
A mature love doesn’t come from impulsiveness. Perhaps it’s better to wait patiently for that gentle breeze to arrive…
CC dragged me back to the bar, so I finally extinguished my impulsive urge, but my desire to drink burned stronger.
I didn’t stop myself from drinking an entire bottle of beer before asking CC, “Actually, you don’t want me to go find her now, right?”
CC nodded and said, “You’ll only make her feel uncomfortable because she’s definitely going to America.”
“I didn’t mean to stop her. I just suddenly wanted to see her.”
“Exactly, you know it’s just a sudden impulse… I hope your relationship is based on rationality, not impulsiveness. Of course, impulsiveness isn’t what Mi Cai wants either!”
I drank half a bottle of beer in one go before saying, “Maybe you’re right, CC.”
CC patted my shoulder and said, “But don’t worry either. If Mi’er wanted to develop a romantic relationship with Weiran, they would’ve already been a couple during their years as classmates in America. Besides wanting some time away, her main purpose for going to America this time is to meet her old friends there!”
I didn’t respond to CC further, but leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling blankly, as Mi Cai’s face kept appearing in my mind.
…
When I got home, it was already late at night. Not wanting to get too worked up, I turned on the TV after washing up, hoping to distract myself.
Flipping randomly through channels, I finally settled on a talk show. I saw Leyao on the program, though she wasn’t the main guest. She mostly acted as a supporting presence, occasionally speaking a few words. The topic surrounding her was the recent scandal that had been exposed. Leyao handled it gracefully, stating that the male actor was merely a respected senior she admired. This made me think she was gradually adapting to that world.
I thought about myself again, recalling my conversation with CC at the bar earlier. Reflecting on this time since returning to Suzhou, I realized I hadn’t adapted to real life at all; in fact, I’d strayed far from it. During this period, I’d never truly taken time to think about how to survive in Suzhou.
Counting the wasted days since graduation, I’ve already been living in this city for nearly four years. According to normal expectations, I should be like Fangyuan, having a stable job, a house of my own, and a woman to keep me company at night.
But I still had nothing. No wonder every time I felt impulsive toward Mi Cai, I held myself back, because I lacked the confidence. With what I currently have, how could I dare to imagine marrying Mi Cai and having her bear my children?
At that moment, I was actually relieved I hadn’t seen Mi Cai tonight. Compared to impulsively meeting her, I should really think about how to plan my future. After all, a responsible man must understand: Before asking a woman for love, he should first consider what he can offer her.
Some ignorant impulses and empty promises just aren’t enough… My previous relationship with Jian Wei had already died after failed promises and fading passion.
So I started planning my life, though I didn’t dare to plan too far ahead. Once the bar business became stable, I would face a choice: Should I continue staying in Suzhou, or return to Xuzhou?
Actually, at this point, I didn’t have a strong preference for either city. Staying in Suzhou was fine, but returning to Xuzhou to be with my parents seemed even better.
However, no matter which city I eventually chose, I should start preparing for a down payment on a house and building a career. If I stayed in Suzhou, I’d continue expanding the bar. If I went back to Xuzhou, I’d find a stable job.
In the quiet of the night, I set some immediate goals for myself. As for which city I would ultimately choose to live in, it would depend on her. If there was no possibility of love between us, I had no reason to stay in Suzhou. But if we did fall in love, I would still be willing to accommodate her, staying in Suzhou to accompany her and build a life together.
With this thought, my heart was no longer restless. Having set these short-term goals, I felt a renewed sense of expectation and motivation toward life.
…
The next day, I woke up close to noon. I turned on my phone to check the exact time when I unexpectedly received a WeChat message from Mi Cai. It was simple: a smug emoji and the words, “I’m at the airport!”
I couldn’t quite understand: going to the airport was normal, but why add a smug emoji? What was there to be smug about? Was she mocking me for never having been abroad?
I smiled and replied, “Have a good trip… By the way, how long are you planning to stay in America?”
After sending the message, I checked the time. It wasn’t yet 12 o’clock. If her flight was in the afternoon, she should still be at the airport now, so her phone was probably still on. I fell into a waiting state, even forgetting to wash up.
Finally, my phone rang. I quickly picked it up from the coffee table, slightly disappointed to find it wasn’t a reply from Mi Cai, but a call from Yan Yan.
I answered the call, asking dispiritedly, “What’s up?”
“Be a little more polite when talking to your big sister…” Yan Yan complained.
“Okay, big sister, what’s up?”
Hearing this, Yan Yan finally laughed on the other end of the line and said, “Come over for lunch today. Manager Chen and Zhao Li are also coming. You can have a few drinks together. It’s been a while since we last got together!”
“Sure!” I immediately agreed. Actually, besides having lunch and catching up, I really wanted to talk with them and learn about their work at Zhuo Mei recently, because I hoped they could share some of the pressure Mi Cai was carrying.
“What kind of alcohol do you want? Tell me, and I’ll go buy it for you.”
Just as I was about to answer, another WeChat notification came through on my phone. I immediately said to Yan Yan, “Beer, I’ll hang up now.”
Without giving Yan Yan a chance to speak again, I really did hang up and eagerly opened Mi Cai’s WeChat message.
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