I nervously dialed Mi Cai’s phone, only to fall into despair instantly because the voice message told me that her phone was already turned off. What did that mean?
Mi Cai must have already fallen asleep. A sense of indescribable despair filled my heart, as if I had been torn apart and thrown into this cold rainy night devoid of feelings.
My trembling fingers pulled out a cigarette from my pocket. My frozen hands struggled to ignite the lighter several times before finally producing a gentle flame, which was immediately extinguished by a sudden gust of wind.
Feeling restless inside, I threw the cigarette to the ground and let out a helpless laugh. Why was it that the more I missed her, the further away she seemed?
In this cold, rainy night, I curled up in a corner, still being cut by the chill of the wind. I shivered, wanting another cigarette, only to find my pack already empty.
I bent down to pick up the discarded cigarette, blew off the dust, and after several attempts, finally smelled the comforting tobacco smoke again.
I seemed to lose myself, mechanically inhaling and exhaling smoke, yet unwilling to leave. At least I had made a promise to Mi Cai before—I said I would wait for her until she was willing to come out. I just hadn’t considered that she might have turned off her phone even before receiving my message.
Time passed. I clasped my hands together in front of me and kept pacing to keep warm. In my memory, Suzhou hadn’t had such cold weather in a long time.
The door to the guardhouse opened, and a middle-aged security guard walked out. He asked me, “Young man, I’ve seen you standing here a long time. Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yes, Brother!”
The guard kindly said, “Come inside and wait. There’s heating in the room.”
I smiled and replied, “It’s okay, Brother… I’m afraid she won’t see me if I’m inside.”
“Come in quickly. The damp cold of the south is no joke. At minus five degrees, it could freeze someone to death.”
“Brother, thank you, but I’m fine. I’m young and can handle the cold.”
The security guard was truly a kind man. He walked over and tried to pull me inside, saying, “It’s alright. There’s a camera inside. You’ll be able to see her when she comes out.”
The piercing cold made me hesitate briefly, but my hesitation quickly passed. I shook my head firmly and said, “Brother, just give me a cup of hot water, and I’ll wait for her out here.”
Finally, the guard let go of my hand and, somewhat puzzled, asked, “You’re waiting for your girlfriend, right?”
I didn’t make up a story for this warm-hearted, courteous guard. Instead, I honestly replied, “She’s not my girlfriend… You don’t know, but in her eyes, I’ve always been unreliable. I’ve never done anything serious for her before. So today I wanted to do something responsible. Cold or not, as long as I can see her the moment she appears, my heart will warm up. It’s easy to miss seeing her on the monitor inside.”
My words didn’t convince the guard. He tried to reason with me again, saying, “Young man, the girls living in this community either come from wealthy families or are high-level executives. They’re all very high-maintenance. You might not get any results by waiting here foolishly… Just a few days ago, another young man tried even harder than you. He turned the entrance into a garden with balloons everywhere, but ended up getting scolded and left in embarrassment!”
Listening to the guard’s logical explanation, I could almost visualize that scene. Thinking about it, nowadays even a woman with decent looks and material security can make it hard for a man to maintain his dignity.
Instinctively, I glanced into the residential compound and, after a while, smiled and said, “Brother, she’s different from those women. She probably hasn’t seen my message yet. If she had, she definitely would have come out… Please let me wait a bit longer!”
Finally, the guard stopped trying to persuade me. Sighing, he said, “Sigh, you’re really stubborn, young man! Well then, I won’t try to convince you anymore. I’ll go make you a cup of hot tea.”
“Thank you, Brother.”
Watching the guard walk away, I couldn’t help but wonder why I was so persistent at this moment. Was it really what Old Ban had said that had awakened me? Or was it just a sudden change within myself, suddenly wanting to stick to my principles?
I couldn’t answer myself for a while. Perhaps I was overthinking it. Maybe it was actually very simple—I just missed her, and I missed her recklessly.
…
The guard brought me a cup of hot water and helped me light a cigarette. Once again, I was gazing into the cold rainy night, increasingly burdened by loneliness. If she could appear before me right now, I would be the happiest person in the world, because having experienced both hell and heaven, I would understand even more the happiness that comes at a price.
The originally scalding cup had now cooled down to the same temperature as my hands. The temperature seemed to drop even more with the deepening night, and I began shivering again.
The guard came back to me and sighed, saying, “Young man, I really hate to see you standing here like this, but without the owner’s permission, I can’t make an exception to let you in…”
“Brother, don’t feel awkward. Even if you let me in, I wouldn’t know which building she lives in.”
The guard took off his security cap, scratched his head, and suddenly patted my shoulder excitedly, saying, “Young man, look! Isn’t that the girl…”
Under the dim lights, I couldn’t see clearly, but I noticed a figure in pajamas approaching. She seemed to be running…
Time ticked by. Finally, I recognized her and stammered excitedly, “It’s her… It’s really her…”
Overcome with joy, I waved frantically at Mi Cai, shouting, “Hurry… Comrade Xiao Mi, run faster…”
Mi Cai finally reached me, panting. I felt as if I were dreaming, and smiled at her.
“Can you still stand there smiling foolishly?” Mi Cai’s tone was gentle but carried a hint of scolding.
“You’re so beautifully pleasing to the eyes, so why wouldn’t I smile?”
Mi Cai looked at me, her eyes gradually filling with tears. She became slightly choked up, saying, “…It’s so cold outside. Aren’t you being silly? What if you catch a chill?”
I didn’t respond, wanting only to hug her, but my hands were too stiff from the cold.
The security guard pulled both Mi Cai and me and said, “This girl ran out in her pajamas. Don’t let her catch a chill outside. Go inside and talk.”
With stiff steps, I walked toward the room but looked at Mi Cai somewhat confusedly. After all, she had come out in such a hurry wearing warm pajamas—what had she been doing before?
…
Inside the guardhouse, the guard made hot tea for both me and Mi Cai. Mi Cai grabbed my hands, passing her warmth to me, and asked with a hint of reprimand, “Did you come here right after sending me that message?”
“Just waited a little while.”
The guard interjected, “You’ve been standing out there almost an hour! Still trying to deny it! I told you to come inside, but you wouldn’t!”
Mi Cai tightened her grip on my hands. “I’m sorry… For making you wait so long. My phone was off earlier, and I only turned it back on after I had trouble sleeping… But why would you be so foolish? If I hadn’t had insomnia and had fallen asleep… Would you really have waited until tomorrow?”
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