At seven in the evening, I walked through the bustling and crowded street, following the flow of people and stepping on the lights reflecting on the ground. I wanted to light a cigarette but gave up, instead buying two skewers of grilled meat to ease my craving.
After finishing the two skewers, I bought a few small sesame balls and continued walking and eating along the way. Gradually, I forgot the troubling thoughts that had been haunting me, immersing myself in a deliberately created world of relaxation.
However, as I approached the coffee shop where I had agreed to meet Li Xiaoyun, that relaxed world shattered in an instant, pulling me back into the reality that made me feel annoyed and suffocated.
I threw the plastic bag containing the food into the trash can, took a deep breath, and walked into the coffee shop. All the way, I imagined what Li Xiaoyun would look like now, subconsciously feeling that she would have changed somehow.
It was still the same corner. Li Xiaoyun was sitting there wearing a red coat, sipping coffee and reading a magazine. She appeared more composed than before.
I approached her, and she looked up, scanning me before smiling and saying, “You’re here!”
“Yeah, I walked here. Sorry I’m five minutes late.”
“No problem, take a seat.”
I nodded and sat down opposite Li Xiaoyun. To mask the awkwardness of having nothing to talk about, after ordering my drink, I picked up a magazine and started reading.
So for five minutes, neither of us said a word, making our meeting tonight seem like a mere formality.
Finally, Li Xiaoyun closed her magazine and asked me, “Zhaoyang, aren’t we going to talk about something? We’re not strangers, after all!”
I also closed the magazine, smiled, and said, “Sure, let’s chat… How have you been lately?”
Li Xiaoyun shook her head.
“What’s wrong? Did you encounter any difficulties in life?”
“I shook my head not because I’m doing well or poorly, but because I feel you’ve changed. You no longer seem as carefree and unrestrained as you were when we first met.”
“Really? Then tell me, what am I like now?”
“You seem distracted, helpless with a hint of timidity… Am I right?”
Instinctively, I looked at the glass window, seeing my reflection on it, but it was only a blurry outline. I couldn’t tell whether I looked distracted or timid.
Li Xiaoyun reached out and wiped some condensation off the glass, making my reflection suddenly clear.
“Zhaoyang, you really need to shave. And you should also take care of your hair.”
I touched my chin, feeling the rough beard, then touched my hair and found it a bit oily. A faint smell of tobacco came from my body, making me admire myself for having the audacity to show up for a date in such a disheveled state.
I smiled apologetically at Li Xiaoyun. Actually, a man showing up for a date in a sloppy manner is disrespectful to the woman, but I didn’t think much about it. Perhaps it was because we were so familiar with each other, or maybe subconsciously I never intended to impress her anymore.
Suddenly, Li Xiaoyun stood up and said to me, “Let’s go.”
I looked at her in confusion, instantly understanding that our date had come to an end. Obviously, my disheveled appearance had no appeal for Li Xiaoyun to continue chatting. After all, this was just a family-arranged meeting; why bother making it seem so serious?
I went to the counter to pay the bill and then walked downstairs with Li Xiaoyun. When I was about to say goodbye, she had already headed toward the parking lot. I could only smile bitterly and sigh inwardly, “Zhaoyang, what kind of sorry state are you in now, driving women away in droves!”
I lit a cigarette and turned to walk toward the other side of the street, but Li Xiaoyun’s car blocked my way. She rolled down the window and said, “Zhaoyang, quickly put out that cigarette. I’ll take you to a hair salon to tidy up!”
“Huh?” I was momentarily confused, looking at Li Xiaoyun in bewilderment.
“Hurry up and get in the car. A man must have vigor and spirit, especially around the New Year. You can’t look so lifeless.”
…
Li Xiaoyun drove me to a hair salon in a mall, showed her VIP card, and then I was guided by a staff member to wash my hair first, followed by a long process of haircut and shaving. Throughout this process, Li Xiaoyun sat beside me, and we started chatting casually.
This time, I took the initiative to ask Li Xiaoyun, “Xiaoyun, you haven’t told me how you’ve been lately!”
Li Xiaoyun smiled and replied, “Same as before, working and going home, living a regular life every day. But two months is enough time for someone to figure out many things.”
Of course, I knew that the two months Li Xiaoyun mentioned were the two months after our breakup. After a wave of uncomfortable silence, I asked, “What did you figure out?”
“There’s no need to tell you that. Let’s talk about how you’ve been lately. How is your friend’s bar doing?”
“Not bad, it’s almost on the right track.”
“Since your work is going well, your current slump must definitely be related to your love life, right?”
Li Xiaoyun, who works in customer relationship management, has an extremely meticulous mind. At this moment, she indeed saw through me. However, it wasn’t appropriate for me to discuss my emotional issues with her, so I smiled silently, and she didn’t press further. After saying, “I’m going to the mall to buy something,” she temporarily left.
Thanks to the efforts of the stylist, I finally got a fresh new look after a short while—at least I no longer looked so down and out. Almost at the same time, Li Xiaoyun, who had finished shopping, returned to the hair salon. She looked me over and expressed her satisfaction to the stylist.
After leaving the hair salon, we stood side by side outside the mall, with quite a distance between our bodies, yet our reflections in the window appeared so close and intimate.
Li Xiaoyun took out a box of perfume from her handbag and handed it to me, saying, “This is for you. This men’s perfume is pretty good. The scent is very light but enough to cover up the smell of tobacco on you.”
“Xiaoyun, I really feel awkward and embarrassed that you’re giving me something!”
Li Xiaoyun said seriously, “You don’t need to feel embarrassed. This box of perfume plus the cost at the hair salon today totals 562 yuan. I took 1000 yuan from you last time, so this is all your own money being spent.”
When Li Xiaoyun reminded me like this, I suddenly remembered that she had indeed taken 1000 yuan from me when we broke up, but I had never known her reason for taking it.
Li Xiaoyun put the perfume back into her handbag and then handed the bag to me, smiling and saying, “Zhaoyang, cheer up. Think about your old self who was full of confidence and vigor while working in Xuzhou. Even now, the company’s leadership still regrets your departure!… Life will definitely have its ups and downs, so the low points themselves aren’t scary. What’s truly frightening is not having the ability to get through them. So I hope you can always stay confident and become a capable and charming man!”
A long-forgotten sense of gratitude seemed to melt my heart. I looked at Li Xiaoyun for a long time before saying, “Thank you, Xiaoyun. I’m really glad I had the opportunity to be transformed by you tonight. I will always remember this night.”
“You don’t need to thank me. Actually, you’ve also helped me understand some things, which is a form of help for me. My actions today are just returning the favor.”
I felt somewhat puzzled, wondering exactly what it was that I had helped Li Xiaoyun understand. But I had already asked before, and she refused to tell me.
Li Xiaoyun then said to me, “There’s still 438 yuan left here. It can help treat your next episode of depression. Of course, I hope you won’t need to use this money.”
“I hope so too.”
Li Xiaoyun smiled, looked at her watch, and said, “It’s getting pretty late. I should go home and rest.”
“Yeah, drive safely.”
Li Xiaoyun nodded, waved at me once more, and then walked toward the underground parking lot of the mall. Watching her retreating figure, I felt a complex emotion inside, feeling even more that I didn’t deserve her kindness. Suddenly, I felt reluctant to pawn off that engagement ring.
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