It was already 10 PM when I returned home. Ban Die was watching TV, while Mama was playing Mahjong with several friends. Seeing me back, she hurriedly asked Ban Die to take her place and pulled me into my room, closing the door before anxiously asking, “How did your conversation with Xiao Yun go tonight?”
“Not bad, I guess.”
Mama frowned in dissatisfaction, saying, “Your answer is too vague!”
“I really just had a casual chat with her.”
“Didn’t you express any desire to get back together with her?”
“This… isn’t it too soon to talk about getting back together just after returning and meeting her? Don’t you think it’s inappropriate?” I replied helplessly.
Mama finally realized the inappropriateness of her suggestion. After a pause, she said, “You’re right… but I’m just so anxious for you! By the way, did you make any plans to meet again later?”
“It’s the Lunar New Year, she definitely has relatives to visit. Let’s wait until she has time before making any plans to meet.”
“Just keep an eye on her closely, okay? I think Xiao Yun still has some feelings for you, and you absolutely mustn’t miss this chance again. Besides, her parents are truly understanding. Despite the awful thing you did before, they didn’t even come to our house to demand an explanation. if it were ordinary parents, they would have already caused a huge fight with us!”
“I know. You’d better go play Mahjong now. Ban Die’s card skills are not as good as yours. It’s the Lunar New Year, we can’t let him lose money.”
Mama ignored my urging and gave me several more reminders before finally leaving. Actually, I could really understand her feelings. However, when it comes to getting back together with Li Xiaoyun, it really needs to be handled with the utmost caution. After all, I don’t know Li Xiaoyun’s true thoughts now. Moreover, I can no longer regain the state I was in Xuzhou. If I betray Li Xiaoyun again after getting back together, I would truly be a despicable person!
After washing up, I lay on the bed idly, taking out my phone and staring at it for a long time, not knowing who to contact. Eventually, I lit a cigarette and stared at the ceiling, lost in thought.
…
It was almost 11 o’clock when my phone, which had been silent for a while, finally rang. I quickly picked it up from the cabinet, but felt somewhat disappointed because it was a call from CC, not the person I had imagined.
I answered the call, saying in a rather low mood, “Happy New Year, CC!”
“Happy New Year, Zhaoyang.”
I smiled and asked, “How are you doing in Beijing?”
“It’s fulfilling to be with Roben, of course. But what’s going on with you… First Leyao went to Lijiang, which I can understand, since Meier came back. But why didn’t she go to Xuzhou with you in the end and instead went to her uncle’s house for the New Year?”
Before I could answer, CC continued, “Don’t speak yet. What I’m most curious about now is the guitar thing. This afternoon, Jian Wei called me and asked why you sold that guitar to AJ, and even lied to her saying that I brought the guitar to Beijing for Roben to use?”
I was about to explain when CC stopped me again, saying, “Zhaoyang, don’t speak. I think I’ve already figured it out myself… You previously gave a Taylor guitar to Meicai, right? It must have been exchanged with AJ using the guitar that Jian Wei gave you, isn’t it?”
I denied it, saying, “No, the guitar I gave to Meicai was bought with the money I received for the bar’s opening.”
“Don’t pretend, most of the friends who came that day didn’t give any red envelopes. Even if you did receive some, how much could you have gotten? The market value of the Taylor guitar you gave Meicai is nearly thirty thousand. From what I know about AJ, he definitely wouldn’t give you that much credit unless you paid a significant amount. So, your guitar from Jian Wei must have been used for the exchange. Otherwise, how could it have ended up in AJ’s hands?”
I was speechless for a moment and finally said after a long pause, “CC, your logical thinking ability is already good enough to become a detective!”
“You don’t need to flatter me. Anyone who isn’t an idiot would figure this out… Now, Meicai still doesn’t know about you exchanging guitars, right?”
“Please don’t tell her about this.”
“Give me a reason not to tell her.”
“What reason do you need? You have to understand, I gave her the guitar just to make her happy, nothing else. If she finds out about this, she’ll probably feel burdened again!”
“How can you be sure it will be a burden instead of moving her?”
“CC, just stay peacefully in Beijing, okay? Please leave our matters alone.”
“That’s impossible. Since Jian Wei already called me about this, I have to get involved!”
“How are you going to handle it? Are you going to tell Jian Wei that the reason I sold the guitar was to buy one for Meicai?”
“Of course I can’t tell Jian Wei that!… But you really did the wrong thing here. If you didn’t have enough money to buy it, why didn’t you just tell Meicai or ask us to lend you some? Why did you have to exchange that guitar?”
“If I told Meicai, she would end up paying for it in the end. Then what would be the point of giving her the guitar? Besides, AJ really likes that guitar. Giving it to him was giving it to the right person. As for Jian Wei… she cares about that guitar, I’ll find a way to buy it back.”
CC fell silent for a while before sighing and saying, “Ah… I don’t know what to say to you, Zhaoyang… If it were other men, they would have used this matter to please the woman already. But you don’t want Meicai to know. With this attitude, she will hardly realize your feelings for her.”
Feeling annoyed, I lit a cigarette and took a deep drag before saying, “CC, to be honest, I’m in a difficult position now, full of contradictions and struggles…”
“Then tell CC about your contradictions and struggles.”
“We’ve already talked about this topic before, and you’ve advised me. But when I’m with her, I really feel too much pressure. Every time I think about my messy past, I feel small in front of her. Moreover, we are particularly prone to misunderstandings. For example, the other day Le Yao had a stomachache, I carried her upstairs, and she just happened to catch us. It took a lot of effort to clear up that misunderstanding, but then the next day, she misunderstood me again because of Jian Wei… I want to explain to her, but can love really be resolved through explanations alone?… Honestly, whenever I think that my actions have hurt her and made her sad, my heart feels like it’s being cut by a blunt knife!”
CC fell silent for a while before finally saying, “Actually, I can understand your contradictions and struggles, but don’t you have to work things out no matter whom you’re with?”
“It does take work, but the difference is that some relationships become more harmonious through working things out, while others only become more painful. Maybe Meicai and I just don’t have the romantic fate. I’m not worthy of her, so I’d rather be free and let both of us be free.”
“If you really think that way, I won’t try to convince you anymore. But you should call Meicai and tell her: you’re not worthy of her, you two are impossible, and let her give up on you so that both of you can move on cleanly!”
“Are you out of your mind? We haven’t even started yet, and suddenly you want me to call her and say all this? She’ll think I’m crazy!”
“I’m telling you now, she has feelings and hopes for you, Zhaoyang. If you tell her your true feelings, she won’t think you’re crazy. On the contrary, it might be a relief for her.”
“CC… please stop messing with me! Right now, I’m already like a clown in her eyes. Do you want me to keep embarrassing myself?”
“If I don’t mess with you, you won’t come to your senses… You mentioned your past mistakes, but isn’t life not just about the past?…” CC suddenly seemed to lose her patience and added more forcefully, “Alright, think it over yourself. I’m going to call Meicai now. The guitar issue has already involved Jian Wei, and I must let her know the truth!”
“Don’t call her… I can handle this…”
Before I could finish my sentence, CC had already hung up the phone. The “beep” sound that followed left me somewhat taken aback.
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