I kept staring at Mi Cai, while my heart, dormant in love for years, began to beat violently. I couldn’t utter a word for a moment. I lit a cigarette on the bustling street, turned my head sideways, and looked at Mi Cai’s reflection in the shop window. I felt a bit dazed, as if I were dreaming.
I exhaled a long stream of smoke directly toward Mi Cai, but she didn’t flinch, continuing to look at me with the same expression.
I simply held the cigarette in my hand without taking another puff, smiled, and asked Mi Cai, “Do you know what I’m thinking?”
“No.”
“If time could freeze right here, and suddenly we grew old, with drooping eyelids and white temples, walking hand in hand across the street, huddled together by the fireplace for warmth, and if we still had the strength, I would play the guitar for you while you sing… But you and I are only 26, no, actually already 27. We still have a long road ahead, and I am the shorter leg, unable to match your long strides. So we’ll limp along this path together…”
Mi Cai remained silent, but she must have understood what I meant. She was that intelligent.
I flicked off the long ash that had accumulated, took a deep drag, let the smoke painfully circle through my lungs before exhaling, and smiled as I said, “I adore your beauty, your every smile and glance, but none of that feels as real as loving the wrinkles you’ll have in your old age. So…”
Mi Cai interrupted me, smiling in return: “Zhaoyang, I want to hear you sing. Right now…”
I looked at her in confusion, but the cigarette had already burned down to my fingertip, scalding me, so I quickly tossed it away.
“I want you to sing ‘Runaway’… Will you sing it for me?”
Seeing her hopeful expression, I no longer had the heart to refuse. I nodded and began singing softly on the crowded street.
“…What I long for is true love and freedom. I want to run away with you to the most distant town, I want to run away with you to be the happiest people. Year after year I exile myself in familiar foreign lands. I pass through flowers, walk through thorns, all for the land of freedom. In the city of desire, you are my final faith, pure as a joyful beam of light that illuminates my heart. Don’t be sad anymore, I see hope. Do you still have the courage to leave with me? I want to run away with you, to the most distant town, I want to run away with you, to be the happiest people…”
The lyrics seemed to tear open my most primitive desires. I lost control, shifting from a whisper to a hoarse scream. Many passersby stopped, standing under the same streetlamp, watching us…
“Zhaoyang, just like in the song, if you truly seek love and freedom, you will definitely walk through thorns and pass through flowers… Tell me, do you still have the courage to find your final faith in the city of desire, and take me with you to that most distant town?”
I looked around at the dense crowd, feeling dizzy under their various gazes. The world once again seemed hazy. In my script, there had never been a scene like this. What was wrong with Mi Cai? Even if someone had to confess first, it should have been me—the man—not you, the fairy descended into the mortal world…
I squatted on the ground, signaling Mi Cai to climb onto my back. Without hesitation, she bent down and climbed on. I held her tightly and stood up, then broke through the crowd, running toward the distance. But unexpectedly, I caught a glimpse of Li Xiaoyun standing among the crowd. Her figure gradually blurred with the murmurs until she disappeared.
…
Escaping the city’s noise, I carried Mi Cai to the ancient moat by the city wall. Unlike Suzhou’s moat, this one in Xuzhou looked more weathered and aged, yet much quieter.
I stopped running, and Mi Cai got off my back. I bent over, panting heavily. This run had not only released my madness and joy, but also imposed a heavy burden on my body.
I lay on the already withered grass, while Mi Cai sat beside me, handing me a tissue.
“Thanks.” I took the tissue from her hand and wiped the sweat from my face.
A breeze blew past, bringing the sound of firecrackers and lifting the distant fireworks into the sky, plunging us into silence again.
Mi Cai seemed tired too, and she lay down beside me.
I reached into my pocket for a cigarette, only to find that the pack had been lost during the intense running. I grew anxious, but followed my heart and said to Mi Cai beside me, “Wait… Wait a moment while I rest and then… confess to you.”
“Okay… Do you want a cigarette? I can go buy some for you.”
“Yes, but it’s quite far to the nearest store. Won’t you get tired?”
Mi Cai shook her head, “No, I can walk and rest along the way. But don’t forget to confess to me when I come back.”
“Alright, I’ll wait for you.”
“Okay, what brand do you want?”
“Zhongnanhai, 8 RMB pack.”
Mi Cai nodded and was about to leave when I called her back, “Wait…”
“What is it?”
“Are… you nervous?”
“A little… So I need to walk, and you need cigarettes.”
“You’re right. Walk slowly, but make sure to come back.”
Mi Cai smiled, “Are you more afraid of not getting cigarettes, or afraid I won’t come back?”
“I’m more afraid you won’t come back. Cigarettes can always be bought. If you don’t buy them, I can buy them myself.”
“I understand.”
“Okay then, go. Come back with cigarettes, come back with yourself, come back with my faith. I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”
…
Mi Cai left, and I was left alone in my world. I sat up from the grass, filled with melancholy and a sense of loss, staring blankly at the rippling river.
I could imagine what might happen in half an hour, maybe even an hour.
Last year, she was 26 when I met her—my landlord, or perhaps my tenant. This year, she turned 27 and became my girlfriend, helping me regain the faith I had lost long ago.
But how did I feel now? It was hard to explain. Yet I knew one thing: I must strive. I didn’t want to be the shorter leg, nor did I want her to make compromises and support me all the way.
But what level must I reach to walk smoothly alongside her? I felt lost because right now, I had no career plan at all. My thinking still lingered on seeking a stable job, which obviously was no longer enough for me.
Caught between joy and confusion, I received a message from Jian Wei: “Zhaoyang, I’ve already retrieved the guitar from AJ. You need to pay him back for the money I didn’t give.”
I knew that once Jian Wei met AJ, she probably already knew I had exchanged that guitar for another one to give to Mi Cai. That’s why she didn’t pay AJ directly. It made sense—if she had paid, that Taylor guitar would have become indirectly a gift from her to Mi Cai. Isn’t that a kind of dark humor?
I reread the message over and over again, feeling as if fate’s gears had begun to turn between us. When that guitar returned to Jian Wei’s hands, it meant that at least materially, we had completely severed ties, erasing those unforgettable marks. On the same day, I had fallen for Mi Cai and was now with her. Was this a coincidence or destiny?
I hoped it was destiny, for at least with destiny there would be a trace to follow. If it was just a coincidence, we could only uneasily drift in the waves of chance!
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage