That night, after saying goodbye to Fangyuan, I went to the bank to check my account balance. Leyao had efficiently transferred ten thousand yuan to me, providing temporary financial security for my life.
I withdrew two thousand yuan from my card and checked into a small roadside hotel with my luggage.
In that shabby room, my life seemed to be cut by a dividing line: the days before yesterday were filled with false splendor, while today was marked by solitude and destitution.
But I gradually stopped feeling much pain, because I had experienced too many similar days, and had become numb. At this point, I no longer believed there was any pain worse than the days after my breakup with Jianwei.
There was no SIM card in my phone anymore. This strongly self-imposed act of isolation didn’t make me feel lonely; on the contrary, it gave me a sense of security, as I wouldn’t be disturbed by those empty moments of hope anymore.
…
The next morning, I went to the southern bus station and bought a ticket to Xitang. It only took a little over an hour to arrive at this ancient town. In fact, I had been here many times before, though it had been several years ago. This place held a fleeting period of time with Jianwei. I clearly remembered that it was here that she gave me her virginity.
Thinking about it, not only Jianwei and I, but many couples have slept with each other here, then broken up, and come back here to heal their heart-wrenching wounds. Therefore, in my eyes, this small ancient town is the most contradictory place in the world. On one hand, it carries the innocence of youth; on the other, it exposes the sorrow after the tearing pain.
If I had a choice, I would rather have never come to this contradictory place, because I already live a life full of contradictions. To me, every street and shop here seems like a teasing bamboo pole, ready to lift the last veil covering my shame.
Therefore, during these years after my breakup with Jianwei, I had never chosen to come here to heal my wounds. Now, however, I revisited this place because I no longer have any shame to hide. I might as well face these heart-wrenching sorrows nakedly, and then find the strength to break free from the cocoon in the opposite extreme.
…
At this time, it was not the peak tourist season in Xitang, but there were still some tourists lingering around. Forgetting all my troubles, I walked along the winding alleyways paved with bluestone slabs with the crowd, until dusk.
I finally began to look for a place to rest. However, the riverside inn I had stayed with Jianwei had been turned into a bar, which made me feel somewhat disappointed, and I stood alone in the sunset for a long time.
As it got darker, I rejected numerous touts and walked alone on the street, looking for an inn that suited my taste. After a while, I finally stopped at the end of the street, because in front of me was a very strange inn. I examined it. The signboard above the shop had only the word “Inn,” so this was an inn without a name. Below the signboard hung a guitar with no strings as a decoration.
I smiled. Just these two points were enough for me to decide to stay here. I then walked in with my backpack.
The reception area of the inn was very small, and the bar was just a shabby desk. The innkeeper was a man in his thirties wearing a military-style overcoat and smoking, who showed no sign of youthful vitality and looked somewhat cold.
I approached him and asked, “Boss, do you have any rooms available?”
“Yes.”
“How much for a single standard room per night?”
“150.”
“150 is a bit expensive since it’s the low season.”
He didn’t look at me, extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray, and still spoke coldly, “150, no haggling!”
I felt somewhat unhappy, but since I usually made choices based on my gut feeling and really liked this place, I patiently said, “What if I stay for a month? No discount?”
He finally looked at me and said, “If you’re staying long-term, you can share a room with someone else and split the cost.”
I was a bit surprised. He actually suggested sharing a room, which would make him earn less money. It seemed he wasn’t a greedy merchant, just somewhat individualistic. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have hung a guitar with no strings on the door.
“Is there anyone to share with now?”
He nodded and then walked to the back room, leading out a young man around twenty-three or twenty-four years old with glasses and a face full of pimples to stand beside me.
He asked the pimpled guy, “He also wants to stay long-term. Are you willing to share a room with him?”
The pimpled guy looked me up and down and asked, “You’re not a bad guy, right?”
This pimpled guy must be a naive youngster who hadn’t seen much of the world, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked such a direct question. I smiled and said, “Yes, I’m a bad guy. So, do you want to share a room or not?”
The pimpled guy grinned and said, “Sure, it’ll save me a lot on rent. I can stay in Xitang a bit longer.”
The innkeeper gestured for me to hand him my ID for registration. I took my ID from my wallet and gave it to him, then asked the pimpled guy, “Are you here for a romantic encounter or to heal your wounds?”
The pimpled guy smiled awkwardly and said, “I’m still a virgin!”
“So you’re here waiting for a romantic encounter, right?”
“Just not being a virgin anymore is enough.”
I couldn’t help but laugh inside. Meeting such a strange roommate right after arriving in Xitang was actually a good thing, because it’s not tiring to get along with someone who is honest and a bit innocent.
After the innkeeper finished registering my personal information and returned my ID, he said, “You just need to give Tong Haizhou (the pimpled guy) 1500 yuan later.”
I immediately counted 1500 yuan from my wallet and handed it to Tong Haizhou, saying, “Nice to meet you. My name is Zhaoyang.”
Tong Haizhou took the money from my hand without counting it and put it into his pocket, grinning at me and saying, “Hello, Brother Yang.”
I responded with a smile and then patted his shoulder, saying, “Take me to the room to have a look.”
“Welcome Brother Yang to guide us.”
I straightened my back and followed Tong Haizhou to the room he was staying in.
…
The room was a standard double room, containing an old desktop computer, an air conditioner, two beds, a few cabinets, and nothing else. Compared to the carefully decorated rooms in other inns, the conditions here were much worse, but it didn’t matter. For me, what I needed was just the mood.
I threw my backpack into the cabinet and lay down on my bed, while Tong Haizhou was watching a TV drama with his laptop.
Bored, I started chatting with him: “Haizhou, are you still in school?”
“Yes, but I’ll graduate this June, so I’m taking the time to play around now.”
I nodded. Unable to think of a topic to continue the conversation, I fell into silence.
Tong Haizhou suddenly put down the laptop he was holding and asked me with a serious expression, “Brother Yang… have you ever slept with a woman? What does it feel like?”
Are you some kind of pervert?
Brother Yang, don’t get me wrong, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I’m a virgin, so I’m really curious!
Upon reflection, it seems that even when I was in high school, I was quite curious about matters between men and women, often discussing such topics with classmates. I suppose this is just the nature of men—no wonder women often scold us as “disgusting men.”
I gave Tong Haizhou an understanding smile and said, “Why don’t you go try it yourself and find out?”
“I’m still a virgin. Sure, I could pay for it and get it over with, but I’d feel guilty deep down! I’d rather wait for a chance encounter.”
Principled… but then again, I’ve never slept with a woman either.
“Damn, so you’re still a virgin!”
Sigh… indeed!
Tong Haizhou looked at me with deep sympathy and after a long pause, said, “Brother Yang, I think you’re quite handsome. How could you still be a virgin? That just doesn’t make sense!”
Am I handsome?
Tong Haizhou nodded vigorously.
“You think I’m handsome because you’re too ugly, but actually, I’m not that good-looking.”
“That’s true, I’m just too ugly, so most women aren’t interested in me!” he said with a sigh, pulling out a cigarette case from beside him. He tossed one to me and lit one for himself.
I lit a cigarette and comforted him, “Don’t be upset. At least you still have me to stay a virgin with you.”
Tong Haizhou nodded repeatedly and said, “You’re right. Thinking about it that way makes me feel much better. No wonder I felt a connection with you the moment we met. So we’re both virgins—how pitiful and lamentable!”
After a moment of self-pity, he turned to me and asked, “Brother Yang, what kind of women do you like?”
Since I was bored anyway, I continued to joke with him, saying, “Big breasts and a round butt, what about you?”
Recently, I’ve been fantasizing about a woman and I like her a lot.
Who?
Yaoyao!
I was immediately choked by the smoke I had inhaled and took a moment to recover before asking, “Do you know her?”
I don’t know her personally, but isn’t she a celebrity? That period drama she recently starred in is so popular… I even followed her on Weibo. I refresh her page every day waiting for updates. Honestly, the photos she posts on Weibo are absolutely stunning! And I’ve noticed that she looks even better in modern clothing than in ancient costumes!
I finally realized: Leyao is truly not the same person she used to be! I immediately said to Tong Haizhou with a cold expression, “Stop fantasizing about her from now on, you hear me?”
“Bro, have you ever fantasized about her too?… But you can’t control fantasies, and I’m definitely not the only guy fantasizing about her. Even if you wanted to stop it, you couldn’t manage it all!”
Tong Haizhou made such a well-reasoned argument that I had nothing to say in response.
After a long pause, he sighed with emotion and said, “Ah! If only I had the chance to speak a single word to her, I would gladly give up ten years of my life!”
Keep dreaming, I’m going out to grab some food.
Brother Yang, wait up, I’ll go with you.
“Do you even need to eat? Your fantasies alone could keep you fed!”
Tong Haizhou grinned again, placing his hand on my shoulder and said, “Brother Yang, you really love to joke around, but there are perks to having a meal with me.”
I was a bit curious and asked with a smile, “What kind of benefits?”
“After dinner, I’ll take you to the Xitang River to see a stunning beauty… She goes to sit by the river for a while around 8 o’clock almost every night. It’s been going on for over a week now!” After saying this, he added with admiration, “So beautiful! Truly breathtaking!”
I was a bit skeptical of his taste, so I asked, “Compared to Leyao, who is more beautiful?”
Tong Haizhou thought for a moment and replied, “They’re not the same type. If I really had to compare them… uh… there’s just no comparison. In short, they’re both goddesses!”
Watching his conflicted expression, I genuinely became intrigued. After all, men always enjoy admiring beautiful women, especially in Xitang—a place brimming with serendipitous encounters. This only deepened my desire to see a true beauty. I couldn’t help but wonder: perhaps there really is a woman in this world even more stunning than Mi Cai and Le Yao! After all, my social circle is limited, and so are the women I’ve had the chance to meet.
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