Jian Wei looked at me and asked, “You haven’t said a word, what are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking about when I can finally stand at the pinnacle of the business world that you mentioned.”
“The road ahead is long and arduous, and you must strive persistently.”
I nodded solemnly at Jian Wei’s encouragement. Since I had already set a goal for myself, I needed to continuously explore and strive through hard work.
That evening, Jian Wei seemed to have a particularly good appetite, eating two small bowls of rice, while I had only finished one.
Jian Wei scooped a bowl of vegetable soup for me and asked, “Zhaoyang, are you not feeling hungry?”
“It’s just that your appetite is too good.”
“With the recent heavy workload, a good appetite means a healthy body.”
Jian Wei’s positive attitude made me smile. I then asked, “Besides the business from Jinding Properties, have you received any other large advertising orders recently?”
“I’ve used the 50% deposit from Jinding Properties to establish advertising channels, mainly focusing on large outdoor billboards. Therefore, I’ve received quite a few advertising orders from real estate agencies and 4S stores recently.”
“Congratulations then.”
“It’s still too early for congratulations.”
“I think it’s quite timely!”
Jian Wei put down her chopsticks and bowl, and said to me, “Wait until my Simi Advertising becomes more renowned in the industry than my father’s company, then you can congratulate me.”
I chuckled and replied, “You address your father by his name so casually!”
“What’s so surprising about that! Haven’t I been calling him that for years? Of course, when I’m in a good mood, I still call him Dad.”
Jian Wei’s independent nature didn’t bother me at all; on the contrary, it made me feel a bit pained, because I knew she had once caused a huge conflict with her parents over me because of this very personality.
…
After dinner, Jian Wei and I mingled with the crowd on the street, walking to help digest our meal. In reality, it had been many years since we last walked side by side like this on the street with the sole purpose of taking a stroll. This half-cold, half-warm spring season seemed to blend into our surroundings, yet the two of us could no longer recapture the feelings we once had when we were together. I was no longer willing to be complacent, and she was no longer willing to seek unrestrained joy within my easygoing attitude.
After walking for a while, we sat down on the curb by the roadside. As usual, I took out a cigarette from my pack and lit it, while Jian Wei gently massaged her legs to relieve her fatigue.
After a while, she asked me, “Tomorrow you’re meeting with Jian Boyu and Uncle Yang Congrong. Are you nervous?”
I smiled and replied, “It sounds like I’m going to fight to the death or something.”
“Tomorrow, you really need to go all out. Those two old sly birds won’t be impressed unless you show them some serious determination.”
“Can I call you Big Sister Bossy?”
Jian Wei looked at me seriously and said, “Zhaoyang, I’m not kidding around with you. As a man, you must have the awareness that you should fear being ordinary more than you fear giving your all.”
“Alright then, even if I can’t be a hero tomorrow, I’ll at least be a good man!”
Jian Wei patted my shoulder and praised me, “That’s the spirit. I admire you for it!”
“Big Sister?”
Jian Wei paused for a moment and said, “Didn’t you just want to call me Bossy Sister? What’s wrong with me calling myself Big Sister now?”
“There’s something wrong with that, considering I’m older than you by a few months.”
“Big Sister status is determined by one’s standing, not by age! Let’s not use age as a criterion here!”
While bantering with me, she instinctively reached her hand toward my head and messed up my hair, until my neat short professional hairstyle was completely ruined.
Jian Wei looked up at me angrily, and I felt a bit alarmed… realizing that my actions might have gone too far. But indeed, we used to play around like this back in the day.
I also realized: when I spend too much time alone with Jian Wei, it’s easy for me to confuse the past with the present, because those memories of the past have been flowing in my blood all along.
After a long silence, I finally said to Jian Wei, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have messed up your hair like that.”
“Just don’t do it again.”
“I know.”
Jian Wei looked at me, her eyes slightly wet, yet she smiled and said, “Actually, it’s not a big deal if my hair gets messed up. It’s just that you can no longer comb it back into place for me like you used to.”
I understood that this was Jian Wei’s way of reminding me to face our current relationship honestly, but it still made me feel a bit sad, though I couldn’t quite pinpoint the source of my sadness. Sometimes, people’s thoughts are so subtle and beyond their own control.
…
That night, I didn’t stay with Jian Wei for too long, because I didn’t want to get stuck in a whirlpool of memories, nor did I want my promise to Mi Cai to become a careless lie.
Back at the old house, after a simple wash-up, I lay on the bed, recalling the conversation I had just had with Jian Wei.
She told me: what a man should fear is not giving his all, but rather, mediocrity.
Hearing these words from a woman’s mouth was indeed quite bold and powerful, and not without reason. In fact, this was exactly what I had been lacking over the past few years. Years ago, I had never made any promises to Jian Wei’s father with such determination, so right from the start, I had failed to leave a good impression on him, this powerful figure in the business world.
Back then, I always thought that living an easygoing life was good enough. Why should I exhaust and burden myself in the short span of life?
Although later on, pressured by circumstances, I did try hard after Jian Wei went to the United States, when she broke up with me, all the motivation for striving collapsed in an instant, and from then on, I embarked on a passive and irreversible path.
I understood more profoundly: deep in my bones, I had always lacked this kind of determination, which made my former self so easily collapse.
And now?
Now, I truly fear this kind of mediocrity, because I can never forget the arrogant manner in which Mi Lan flaunted his wealth in front of me, nor can I forget the embarrassment of being ignored and forced to hide alone in a corner when I went to celebrate Mi Zhongde’s birthday. I also remember the expectations of Bada, Mama, Mi Cai, Leyao, and even Jian Wei for me.
Thinking and thinking, I turned off the light and lit another cigarette in the darkness, hoping that after finishing this cigarette, I could rise from the ashes, reborn in desire, and enjoy the sense of control in strategic planning.
…
As I was reflecting on my past and present, I received another text message from Mi Cai, who was also concerned about the outcome of my meeting with Yang Congrong.
I quickly replied, “We’ve scheduled the meeting for lunch and will have a meal together then.”
“Okay, although the special promotion is tempting, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Face it with a calm mind regardless of success or failure.”
“A calm mind? Are you kidding! Today I’m going in with the determination to give it my all. No matter what, I have to get this done.”
“This doesn’t sound like you. What’s gotten into you?”
“Don’t fear giving your all, fear mediocrity!”
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