I chased her halfway down the street before finally standing in front of Mi Cai, but she ignored my attempt to talk and kept walking forward stubbornly. I reached out and grabbed her, asking, “What did you just see?”
Mi Cai remained silent, her gaze fixed on the willow branches by the riverside being blown wildly by the wind, despite my holding her hand.
“It’s actually very simple. She suddenly bit me out of nowhere, and I couldn’t help but struggle from the pain, which is exactly what you saw just now.”
“If you could learn to think from others’ perspectives, this situation wouldn’t have occurred.”
I immediately tried to put myself in her shoes, imagining Mi Cai biting some man or being bitten by a man. Instantly, I felt a surge of discontent. It was only then that I realized how powerful perspective-taking could be. What I had previously considered trivial suddenly became earth-shattering when viewed from another angle. Therefore, I could genuinely understand Mi Cai’s current feelings.
Mi Cai pushed me away and continued walking forward. I followed silently behind her, thinking to myself that no matter what, I couldn’t let her leave in anger back to Suzhou. But things didn’t go as I had hoped. After returning to the inn, Mi Cai headed straight toward a car parked by the roadside.
I gritted my teeth once again and blocked her path, saying, “Since you’ve come all the way here, why go back now?”
“Stay here to watch you two flirt some more?”
“It’s not what you think at all. What you saw was just an illusion, a result of your own mind playing tricks on you!”
“My mind playing tricks on me? Then tell me, how should I deal with this?”
“Uh…”
Mi Cai broke free from my grip and, once again stubbornly, opened the car door and got inside. Acting quickly, I pulled open the back door of the car and got in too, saying, “You drive. Anyway, I’m staying in this car, wherever you go, I go.”
“You’re just a bastard and a bully!”
“You can curse me even worse if you want. I can take it.”
Mi Cai glanced at me through the rearview mirror, then started the car. I quickly looked around, wondering which direction she would take. If she was heading back to Suzhou, then my unintentional mistake had indeed caused her great pain. But would this really mean I must permanently cut ties with Leyao? That was too hard for me. It seemed my life had already become accustomed to the arguments and playful fights with her.
Mi Cai indeed drove in the direction of Suzhou, and my heart sank… so I said to her, “Is it really necessary to go back to Suzhou? Or do you think an incident like this can be the spark that ends our relationship?”
Mi Cai suddenly slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to an immediate stop. Without turning around, she said to me in a suppressed tone, “The more you experience and the more you invest, the harder it becomes to let go of a relationship. But Zhaoyang, you shouldn’t take advantage of this to keep challenging my limits. That’s really inconsiderate!”
“I never had that intention. When we were building this hard-won relationship together, I was fully committed to you.”
Mi Cai didn’t respond, but I couldn’t tell whether she had slightly calmed down or if she was still being pushed to her limits by my words. The atmosphere between us became even more uneasy and awkward.
“There are already too many troubling things. Please, don’t make things worse… Let’s go back to Xitang first and then talk calmly, okay?”
Mi Cai frowned, as if going through an inner struggle. Finally, she turned the car around and headed toward Xitang. I hoped this wasn’t a reluctant compromise filled with resentment, but rather a natural instinct to protect our relationship.
…
After returning to Xitang, to avoid any confrontation between Mi Cai and Leyao, I arranged for Mi Cai to stay in a single room at the inn I had taken over from Zhou Zhaokun. She sat on the edge of the bed, while I sat on the sofa. We remained silent, both unsure how to start communicating calmly.
Outside the window, A Feng had already brought a group of staff members to transport the materials needed for tomorrow’s event into the square. I gazed absentmindedly at the scene, when Mi Cai finally came to my side, took my arm, examined it, and asked with concern, “Does it hurt?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and indeed felt a dull pain. Looking at my arm, I noticed two rows of curved bite marks. I was even more puzzled about what I had done to provoke such anger from Leyao. After a while, I answered Mi Cai, “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
Mi Cai went to the front desk and got some alcohol swabs, using them to clean the wound that had started to bleed slightly. Frowning, she asked, “What exactly did you do to her to make her treat you like this?”
I replied helplessly, “I’m wondering that myself!”
Mi Cai sighed softly, said nothing more, and after throwing the used alcohol swabs into the trash bin, she told me, “I’m tired and want to rest. You should leave first.”
“Are you still angry with me?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
I didn’t insist on staying. At this moment, giving her some space was better. I should also return to talk with Leyao and ask why she had treated me this way. In fact, the so-called “out of nowhere” was just an unrealistic excuse I had made up to avoid facing Mi Cai.
…
After returning to the inn, I first asked Tongzi to confirm that Leyao had already come back. Then I took the key and went straight to her room. After opening the door, I walked past the living room directly toward the inner room, mentally preparing the words I would use to question her.
At the moment I was about to enter the room, I stopped in my tracks because I heard uncontrollable sobbing coming from inside. I naturally knew it was Leyao who was crying, but why had her emotions suddenly collapsed like this? Was it related to me in any way?
Between her sobs, she said to me, “Since you’re here, why don’t you come in?”
I sensed something was wrong, so my steps into the room became heavier. Leyao was still buried under the covers, sobbing quietly.
“Aren’t you suffocated being wrapped up like that?”
I said as I pulled the covers off her. Before me was the sight of half the pillow soaked with tears. Instantly, my heart was overwhelmed with mixed emotions, and the words of accusation I had prepared suddenly lost their meaning. I just stood there, staring blankly at her back.
After a long while, she finally sat up from the bed, wiped away her tears, and looked at me with eyes full of grievance and resentment, asking, “Zhaoyang, in your eyes, am I really such a baffling woman?”
“…Kind of!”
Leyao gave a self-mocking smile, saying, “If you could give me just a fraction—just one percent or even one thousandth—of the attention you give to Mi Cai, I would be more than satisfied. But I’ve never received something called love from you, even though I’ve always kept you in my heart, reminiscing and longing… Perhaps you think I’m not sincere, but many of the things I’ve told you have been genuine.”
“I haven’t questioned the truthfulness of some of your words.”
“Right, you just treat them as jokes, never bothering to consider whether they’re real or not.”
I remained silent because Leyao had hit the nail on the head. How could I possibly take seriously things like her saying that she would be a female celebrity and still love only me?
Zhaoyang… I love you. I loved you in the past, I love you now, and I will continue to love you in the future… I’ve never wanted to possess you because you don’t love me… But every time I see you immersed in your love for Mi Cai, always worrying, troubled, and feeling helpless, do you know how I feel?… It’s like my heart is being cut by a knife. I hate you for not being able to love me the way I love you… How wonderful it would be if I were the woman in your life. I would give up everything to make your desired life come true, but it’s just my one-sided wishful thinking. Still, I’m willing to silently bless you. But you keep getting unhappier, so I hate, hate your choices, hate that you’ve never loved me…
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