The wind outside the window picked up again, blowing me into deeper silence. Perhaps over these years, I only knew that Leyao was somewhat dependent on me, but I never dared to regard it as eternal love. Hearing such heart-wrenching words from her mouth now, I felt my previous understanding instantly collapse. I even tried to convince myself that this was just another joke Leyao was playing on me with her brilliant acting skills.
My silence seemed to provoke Leyao further, and she burst into uncontrollable sobs again: “Zhaoyang, say something! Or are you still treating this as another joke I’m playing on you?”
After a long pause, I finally replied, “What can I say?”
Leyao lunged at me, pinning me onto the bed. Sobbing, she cried, “You beast… you took my body, yet your heart always belonged to Jian Wei and Mi Cai… Why am I so cheap in front of you? Why? Huhu…”
Instinctively, I turned my head away, but she bit me again. A searing pain shot through my shoulder, even more intense than before. This time, however, I didn’t cry out in pain or push her away. I merely moved my throat repeatedly, trying to ease the physical agony. Compared to the pain in Leyao’s heart, what was my suffering worth?
Leyao finally released me. She lay on top of me, tears welling in her eyes. After a long while, she asked, “Does it hurt?”
I nodded…
Leyao moved off me. Only then did I look at the bite mark on my shoulder. Comparing it to the old scar, I found that although the two wounds were somewhat apart, together they formed a smiling face, mocking my current turmoil.
Leyao somehow found some alcohol cotton and sat at the edge of the bed silently cleaning the wounds she had inflicted on me. Her brows remained knitted until she finished treating the wounds, when she finally said, “Zhaoyang, how much hatred must I have for you to bite your shoulder into this mess?”
“Actually, you probably meant to say I’m a scumbag, right?”
“Did I really need to repeat that you’re a scumbag?”
Once again, I fell silent, perhaps out of guilt, or simply not knowing how to face the situation.
Leyao threw the used alcohol cotton into the trash can, applied some ointment to my wounds, and then lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I instinctively took out a cigarette, lit it, and tried to think about what I should say to make things a bit easier for both of us.
“Zhaoyang, do you think over these years who has owed whom?”
“Who knows?”
“It must have been me who owed you. That’s why I love you, but you don’t love me…”
“Your logic is flawed.”
Leyao ignored my rebuttal and, with a nostalgic expression, said, “Do you remember a few years ago when you introduced me to your company, Baoli Department Store, to shoot promotional posters?”
“I remember. When the posters came out, you amazed many people!”
Leyao shook her head, “I mean, that was an opportunity you fought hard for me, but I almost stood you up, causing you to be scolded by Chen Jingming!”
“That’s why I always say you’re unreliable!”
“Actually, on the day of the shoot, I went to meet my ex-boyfriend… We officially broke up that day… Ugh! Why am I telling you all this? What I meant to say was that I hurried to the shoot site that day and saw you being scolded by Chen Jingming without uttering a word, like a submissive grandson. I was actually quite moved, although I hadn’t fallen for you yet!”
“If it weren’t for my own fault, would Chen Jingming dare to scold me like a grandson?!”
Finally, Leyao smiled slightly and said, “But even though he scolded you like that, you didn’t shift the blame onto me. You just said you had given the wrong time. In fact, I knew you were afraid that Chen Jingming would retaliate against me and not give me any more shooting opportunities…”
When others are pouring out their emotions, I always find myself at a loss for words, so I fell silent for the third time. Only after finishing the entire cigarette in my hand did I change the subject and ask, “What exactly happened between you and your previous boyfriend? He seemed to have treated you pretty badly!”
Leyao looked at me and calmly said, “He was my university alumnus. After graduation, we both stayed in Shanghai, chasing our dreams of becoming stars. Later… he got involved with a female producer to land the male lead role in a certain drama… Haha, he has gained some minor fame over the years, but he’s just a second-rate celebrity!… If it weren’t for the contrast between him and you, I think I wouldn’t have fallen for you so quickly and so completely!”
After a brief silence, Leyao continued, “From him, I saw the harshness and ruthlessness of society, but from you, I saw another kind of purity and beauty. It was you who didn’t let me give up on myself, who made me feel there was still a reason to live. Everything I have now is thanks to you, so no matter what I have to give up for you, I do it willingly!”
At this moment, I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. Out of instinct, I reached into my pocket for another cigarette, but Leyao stopped me. This time, she gazed at me for a long time before saying, “Zhaoyang, there are some things I eventually need to figure out, and your mark on my life also needs to be eventually erased… So, from the moment you leave this room, we will no longer have any relationship, even if there is still a sense of owing something to each other…”
When Leyao proactively proposed ending all ties with me, I didn’t feel as relieved as I had imagined. Instead, I felt an indescribable sense of loss. But thinking of Mi Cai, the woman who needed my full attention and care, I finally nodded at Leyao…
With tears in her eyes, Leyao looked at me and laughed bitterly, “Fine then, really fine… I won’t come to you again, this beast, and I won’t humiliate myself by seeking trouble anymore… But Zhaoyang, can you say the words ‘break up’ to me? That way, I can feel like, before Mi Cai came along… we were actually in a relationship!”
After a long hesitation, I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to say it…”
Leyao nodded painfully, her expression showing her understanding, and finally said to me, “Okay, I won’t force you… But remember this, it was me, Leyao, who took advantage of you that night, not the other way around, got it?”
I really didn’t understand what she meant by that, so I didn’t respond.
It seemed Leyao wasn’t really expecting an answer. She pointed her finger toward the door, her face resolute as she said to me, “You leave now. From this moment on, we’ll erase each other from our lives, as if we had never met.”
My heart was filled with an indescribable sadness, but I still got up from Leyao’s bed, took one last look at her, and saw tears already streaming down her face, her finger pointing toward the door trembling slightly!
…
I couldn’t describe the feelings I carried as I left Leyao’s house, but I felt completely empty inside. I knew I was about to face another sleepless night, so I wandered alone along the Xitang River, which still flowed despite the darkness of the night.
As I was almost reaching the end of the river, I saw the woman in red on the opposite bank once again. She had indeed kept her promise, even arriving in Xitang ahead of schedule to participate in tomorrow’s charity event. This time, unusually, she greeted me first: “You’re still hanging around the riverside at this hour. You seem pretty free!”
“If I were really free, that would be great!”
“Something on your mind?”
I nodded and asked, “Got a cigarette?”
“Women’s cigarettes, will you take one?”
“Not picky, as long as there’s one to smoke.”
“Then come over here.”
I found a stone bridge not far away and crossed over to where the woman in red was, then sat down with her by the now somewhat desolate Xitang River. She pulled out a cigarette from her pack, handed it to me, and lit one for herself as well.
“I’ve heard that women who smoke usually have a tragic story hidden in their hearts.”
She looked at me and said, “I’ve never claimed my life was like a comedy either.”
“Yeah, otherwise why would you keep coming back to Xitang again and again!”
She glared at me and said, “Are you trying to find a sense of superiority at my expense because you’re feeling down?”
I didn’t deny it at all and replied, “Exactly, otherwise why would I be sitting here chatting with you so late at night?”
“You can pour your heart out to me, and I can offer you some comfort and advice, but if you start by hitting my sore spots, isn’t that a bit too harsh?”
“Come on, someone who’s even more tragic than me, what good advice could you possibly give?”
“The Xitang River is right in front of you, why don’t you just go and die?”
“Sigh! Death is not that easy. Life still has so many things and feelings that are hard to let go of.”
She seemed touched by my words, gazing blankly at the flowing river for a long time without speaking again. Suddenly, I remembered something and nudged her, asking, “Hey! Did you seriously consider the investment in Zhuomei that I told you about last time?”
She came back to her senses and no longer spoke in a joking tone. She answered seriously, “Of course I have considered it seriously, but would the current investors withdraw peacefully? If they don’t withdraw peacefully, it would be very troublesome for us as new investors.”
“A peaceful withdrawal is impossible, and at this stage, Mi Cai still seems to have some expectations for the previous investors. The situation is still unclear!”
She smiled and said, “It seems many things are indeed just your wishful thinking!”
She didn’t deny it and looked at the time on her wrist before saying to me, “It’s getting late, I’ll go back to rest first, see you tomorrow at the event.”
I nodded, then watched her leave. As her figure completely disappeared from my sight, I suddenly thought of Leyao again, of how we would deliberately avoid meeting in the future, and my heart sank. Were some people destined to become passersby in my life because of the obsession and selfishness of love?
If so, then this passerby had left too deep a mark in my life, so heavy that it was hard for me to erase it calmly…
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