Chapter 359: I Don’t Love You Anymore

I followed Leyao’s gaze toward the distant horizon, curious about what that heaven-sent place might look like to her, and asked, “How long will it take to get there?”

“I don’t know. I only know the general direction. Do you see that mountain to the north? After we pass that mountain and cross another one, we should be there.”

I was startled and exclaimed, “It’s a long way to run to the mountains—you do understand that, right? It’ll take at least half a day to cross those two mountains!”

“Are you saying you don’t want to go?”

“I don’t mind, but how are we going to get back at night?”

“I brought a tent, it’s in that hiking backpack!”

“No wonder it’s so heavy…”

Leyao didn’t respond to me any further and walked ahead of me on the gravel path toward the mountain in the north. I stood there for a moment, then caught up with her, but I still wasn’t mentally prepared to spend a night deep in the mountains.

…

In the dense jungle, I walked side by side with Leyao. When we got tired, we sat on a relatively flat rock to rest. She handed me a space cup filled with clean water and said, “Drink some water if you’re thirsty.”

“I’m not really thirsty, I just wonder where exactly we are now. This place doesn’t even have cell phone signal!”

“Are you scared?”

I instinctively looked up at the sky. Even though it was a sunny afternoon, the trail was shaded by thick trees, making it dim and eerie. I had the constant feeling that something strange might suddenly jump out from some corner. But Leyao, filled with anticipation for what lay beyond the two mountains, continued to act fearless, and looked at me with a hint of disdain.

I took out a cigarette, lit it, took a puff, and then calmly told her, “In the past, I even lived under a bridge. What’s there to be scared of here?”

“The past is the past, and the present is the present. Don’t you know that you’re no longer the person you used to be?”

I didn’t take Leyao’s words seriously, replied with “Nonsense,” then put the backpack on again and continued walking along the dark forest trail.

…

As dusk approached, we finally crossed one of the mountains. When we climbed another mountain, we had to rely on the flashlight to walk along the pitch-dark trail. Fortunately, Leyao had brought professional outdoor equipment, which eased some of the burden, but we were both physically exhausted. At this point, Leyao finally felt fear, tightly holding my arm, afraid that we might get separated. I complained to her, “Now you’re scared? I told you to bring Robin along when we started, but you refused. Having another person would at least give us more courage!”

“He has his own space, and I have mine. So why should I bring him?”

“What about me? Where have you placed my personal space?”

“Your space is within my space, so today you must listen to me. Less chatter, less complaining…”

Her sudden assertiveness left me helpless, but I chose to comply with her request to be quiet. I pulled her arm and led her through a particularly steep section of the trail.

It was already eight o’clock at night, and I was completely exhausted, and Leyao wasn’t faring much better. She was panting heavily as she followed behind me. But this mountain seemed to have no end, and we were still surrounded by dense forests. Just as I was about to suggest taking a break, a faint light finally appeared in the distance…

I immediately felt a sense of relief and excitement, and told Leyao, “It should be the end of this mountain ahead. Your heaven is about to arrive!”

Leyao turned off the flashlight, and that faint light became clearer. She urged excitedly, “Hurry, let’s walk faster. It should be the place we’re looking for ahead!”

“Should be… We’ve walked for so long, can’t you be sure?”

“I only heard about it from the villagers here. I’ve never been here before, how can I be sure for you?”

I thought about it and realized that the reason I wanted a definite answer was because I was so exhausted. If the destination wasn’t ahead, I might collapse in these deep mountains.

We walked for about another mile when suddenly there was no path ahead, and we found ourselves standing at the edge of a cliff. I was shocked and said to Leyao in a very unsettled tone, “This is the heaven you were talking about?… If we take one more step forward, we’ll both go to hell tonight!”

Leyao didn’t speak but pointed the flashlight into the distance, seemingly unable to make out anything. She said to me, “You find a flat place and set up the tent first. Anyway, it’s too late to go back now. We’ll have to spend the night here.”

I responded and put down the backpack, took out the bag with the tent, and started to set it up. Thanks to my previous outdoor survival experience, I didn’t have much trouble setting it up quickly, and then I hung the flashlight inside the tent as a light source. Before I could sit into the tent with Leyao, it suddenly started to rain heavily…

I entered the tent first and then called Leyao to come in quickly to avoid the rain, but she stood in the rain, her voice full of complex emotions, “Why is it raining again!”

“There’s often rain in Guizhou Province, so a little rain isn’t unusual!… Hurry into the tent and don’t catch a chill from the rain!”

Leyao sighed softly and then sat into the tent, but she seemed distracted, staring at the large open area at the foot of the mountain…

I didn’t have time to figure out what she was thinking, and started rummaging through her backpack, finding some compressed biscuits and beef jerky snacks, tearing them open and handing them to her, saying, “Stop daydreaming, eat something quickly…”

Leyao looked at them but didn’t take them, hugging her legs, still distractedly staring into the distant darkness. Her unusual behavior made me even more confused, so I put down the snacks and looked in the same direction she was staring…

Suddenly, a clear whistle came from afar, followed by a sharp beam of light that pierced through the thick darkness of the night, and a train roared toward us from the distance… At this moment, I finally understood the meaning behind Leyao’s words, “Why is it raining again!” It turned out this was another night when she had me accompany her to watch the train!… But an unexpected rain had also come along, as if foreshadowing a kind of helpless destiny!

The rain fell on the tent, making a pitter-patter sound, but it did not affect the sound of the train roaring past and leaving its mark on the tracks. Thus, the sounds of wind, rain, and the train tracks seemed to form a moving symphony in our ears.

After a while, the train finally broke through the cover of night and disappeared from our sight, but the sound it left behind from the friction with the tracks continued to echo in the valley. Our emotions drifted with the sound, and it took a long time before they settled down under the rain’s embrace.

“Zhaoyang, did you know how many carriages that train had just now?”

“It was too fast, I couldn’t see clearly!”

“Eighteen carriages in total.”

I looked at her incredulously and asked, “How could you tell?”

“If you also regarded this as an indispensable pastime in your life, you could tell too.”

“I don’t like living too seriously. Even as a pastime, I wouldn’t care about the number of carriages.”

“Hehe…”

I didn’t pay much attention to Leyao’s slightly sarcastic laughter, but instead lit a cigarette with the sound of rain, waiting for the next train to come. At this moment, deep in the mountains, I could only regard this as my only pastime, and I had already decided in my heart that when the next train came, I would try to count how many carriages it had.

After a long silence, Leyao finally spoke softly to me again, “Zhaoyang, I don’t love you anymore… You’ve really changed too much!”

I held the cigarette and looked at her, listening to the sound of the rain outside the tent…

Leyao’s face was somewhat hazy under the dim light, but I could see her relieved smile: “I don’t love you anymore, really don’t… The current you is full of oppression and restraint, full of compromises after being tormented by life… The current you no longer wears a studded leather jacket, plays the guitar, and roars with anger… I’m increasingly annoyed by your current hesitation, helplessness, depression, and fatigue… The reason I thought I still loved you was just out of habit, but just like that train, no matter how fast it chases the end of the tracks, it will eventually stop… Therefore, now I’m stepping on the brakes, looking for a station to stop at, then recognizing the illusion, and saying goodbye to this track that will never end!”

The rain was too loud, I seemed to hear what she was saying, yet also seemed not to, which made me look at her in a daze and ask, “What did you say? Say it again!”

Leyao leaned close to my ear and shouted, “Zhaoyang, I don’t love you anymore… After tonight, whether you are good or bad, happy or sad, rich or poor, it has nothing to do with me, Leyao. I will never care about you again… Did you hear clearly? Did you understand?”

I looked at her for a long time before slowly nodding in a dull manner.

“So… you don’t have to care about me anymore. After tonight, we will take this small village as our endpoint and go our separate ways!”

The sound of the rain seemed to suddenly disappear from my ears, but her words turned into endless echoes swirling around me. Thus, I truly saw her disgust toward me and her determination to say goodbye… In fact, we had already said goodbye a few days ago, but I found her again… This made me believe that it was fate’s arrangement, that fate had brought me here, to this hill where one can see trains and tracks, to say these words, and then bid farewell to the past with a decisive attitude… From now on, she will sail across the sea to find that lonely island, while I will search for a pair of wings to fly toward that crystal city, completely erasing each other from our memories in our different paths!

Finally, another train passed before our eyes. I seemed to see it taking away all of Leyao’s loneliness and pain… Well, that truly was a happy event for us both!