When Luo Ben once again asked me to persuade Leyao, who was about to emigrate overseas, I still only shook my head. Deep down, I believed that going abroad was currently the best choice for Leyao, while staying in China would mean she lived every day in the torment of fearful gossip.
Seeing my firm stance, Luo Ben finally shook his head helplessly. He couldn’t understand me, just as I sometimes couldn’t comprehend why he had once chosen to give up CC. But come to think of it, who could truly make decisions for another person based solely on their own judgment of what is right? Otherwise, there wouldn’t be such a thing as individuality in this world. And that’s precisely why we live so stubbornly—and so painfully!
…
At 9 o’clock, we ended this simple gathering. CC asked Luo Ben to send Leyao back to the hotel, and then she and I wandered the streets of Suzhou at night. I knew she must have something to say to me, but after walking two streets, she still hadn’t spoken. Finally, with some unease, I asked her, “You didn’t tell Leyao that Mi Cai and I have broken up, right?”
CC smiled and said, “I knew you’d ask me this.”
“So you didn’t say anything?”
CC lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, and then shook her head at me, saying, “No… I think if I told her, she wouldn’t be able to make up her mind to emigrate, and then there would be another entanglement!”
“You also think I shouldn’t be with Leyao, right?”
“Exactly. If you immediately start a relationship with Leyao right after breaking up with Mi Cai, then you’re being too flippant, or rather, you never really loved Mi Cai at all, so you couldn’t wait to break up with her and choose someone else!”
“But how could I not love her!”
CC exhaled smoke heavily, then stopped walking, her expression full of confusion as she asked me, “Zhaoyang, can you tell me what love really is, or what the difference between love and liking is?”
I sighed deeply and after a while replied, “Liking someone means you feel happy when you’re with them. Loving someone means you still want to be with them even though you know it will bring pain!”
“Insightful… So you really love Mi Cai?”
“Of course I do!”
CC nodded, then continued thoughtfully, “If we use this as a standard, then Mi Cai also loves you… Honestly speaking, as Mi Cai’s only best friend, I think she has suffered more than she has been happy being with you—for example, when you left without saying goodbye and went to Xitang, she was really hurt, but she still chose to be with you afterwards.”
I gave a wry smile and said, “Are you trying to imply that two people who love each other don’t necessarily end up together?”
“Exactly. Isn’t life like this? Even if two people love each other, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re compatible. After all, Mi Cai is not an ordinary woman who can freely control her life and express her love, and as for you, you’re somewhat too sentimental to give her that pure love she truly wants. So breaking up became an inevitable event… I’ve accepted it now. It’s fine to break up—it might even be the right decision for both of you. You just have to endure the pain of this recent breakup!”
I nodded, deeply inhaling my cigarette. Without realizing it, I had walked another street with CC, and ahead of us was a small outdoor garden. At CC’s suggestion, we entered the garden and sat down on a bench.
CC looked tired. She took off her shoes and sat back-to-back with me. After a long silence, she finally said, “Why do we live such painful lives? I love Luo Ben, I give my all to him, but in the end, he still doesn’t love me. You and Mi Cai truly love each other, but you still couldn’t stay together forever. Love! Is it a form of fulfillment or a karmic hindrance?”
“It’s a kind of spiritual cultivation!”
“I don’t understand it, nor can I guess it. Just like me—I know that the man who donated 100,000 yuan to the restaurant back then might actually be more suitable for me, but if I had a choice, I would still choose Luo Ben without hesitation!”
“Actually, I’ve always wanted to ask you—why are you so sure that the person who left the money in the empty city back then must be a man rather than a woman?”
“I’m not sure, but I can imagine!… I think he is the only man I could marry besides Luo Ben. He has qualities I like!”
I smiled and said, “What if it turns out she really is a woman? What will you do then?”
“Then I will still marry her…”
“You really have a unique taste!”
CC smiled, and our moods finally became a little lighter with this small joke, so we each lit another cigarette in this rare moment of relaxation.
“Zhaoyang, do you wish Mi Cai would marry Weiran?”
A sudden pain pierced my heart, and it took me a while before I replied, “No, I don’t. This man is too unscrupulous!”
“Yes, but you and I both know that after your breakup, the only person Mi Cai will marry is him, because she no longer has room for love in her world. She needs Weiran’s business support!”
“I don’t want it to be like what you said. No woman’s life can be limited to loving only one man!”
“You’re wrong. Perhaps other women may fall in love with different men at different stages of their lives, but Mi Cai doesn’t have that luxury, that time, or that mood anymore. For her, love has become a luxury, and now she’s already indulged in it!”
“Did she say that herself, or is this just your subjective assumption?”
“She said it to me not long ago… Although back then, I thought you two wouldn’t break up, since you truly loved each other. But now, it seems that life’s hardships are stronger than love!”
I remained silent, mechanically smoking my cigarette.
CC continued, “What would you feel if one day you heard that Mi Cai and Weiran got married? Would you regret your decision to break up?”
“CC, can’t you be a little kinder to me? I don’t want to imagine such a scene!”
“But such a scene might soon become reality!”
CC’s words guided my thoughts, and finally, the image of Mi Cai in a wedding dress, holding flowers and standing beside Weiran, kept circling in my mind, refusing to leave. Thus, an endless wave of pain surged toward me, unstoppable and overwhelming…
CC, however, ignored my pain and continued, “Maybe in a year, Mi Cai will be pregnant with his child. In three years, you might meet by chance, and her child with Weiran will already be able to call you ‘Uncle’…”
I held my head in my hands, desperately trying to avoid the thought, and said, “… I can already see all this pain. But before it actually happens, please don’t make me feel it in advance. I’m begging you, okay?”
“Alright, I won’t say anything more. Talking too much makes it seem like I’m trying to push you two back together. Actually, I’ve genuinely accepted the fact that you two broke up, and I won’t play the role of a mediator between you anymore!”
“That’s best!”
…
After saying goodbye to CC, I found a small hotel by the roadside and checked in alone. But from the moment I lay down on the bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about the image of Mi Cai in a wedding dress, becoming someone else’s wife. I was tortured to the point of near death… Yet even so, I didn’t feel any regret. I clearly remembered the words I had said at the moment of our breakup. In truth, our love had no soul. Rather than continuing in such an empty way, it was better to end it cleanly and start a new life decisively.
I was completely sleepless that night, and in my insomnia, I kept recalling the past over and over again. But for me at that moment, such recollection was so deadly that I became increasingly tormented… I wanted to find someone to talk to about this pain, but the night had already gone so deep that even the city had fallen into sleep.
Time passed slowly, as if I had lived through an entire long century. Finally, the morning sunlight pierced through the gaps in the curtains and shone into my room. But my mind was still so hazy—because I hadn’t slept even a single minute all night. Right now, I felt as if I were living in a chaotic world, neither clear-headed nor desiring any rest.
I just lay there, watching the sunlight change angles through the gaps and shine onto my bed, until the phone rang, finally snapping me out of my daze.
The call was from Jian Wei. She invited me to pick up the reworked promotional materials for the inn at her advertising company. I didn’t dare to delay. After washing up, I headed to her company with a tired and dispirited mood.
…
Twenty minutes later, I arrived at Jian Wei’s advertising company. I first went to the production department, but the department head told me that the promotional materials had already been delivered to Jian Wei’s office for her personal inspection.
When I arrived at Jian Wei’s office, as usual, she first poured me a cup of tea. She didn’t immediately hand me the promotional materials but instead reminded me, “Zhaoyang, once your Luku Tourism and Culture Company is officially established, you need to start working on fundraising. It would be best to complete the deployment of inns, bars, and restaurants in the southern and central regions of Jiangsu Province this year.”
“Must we rush so much?”
Jian Wei frowned and replied, “Can’t you take your business seriously? Or at least take the initiative to communicate with Uncle Yang Congrong?… Don’t you know that his initial advertising strategy is intensive? If you don’t raise funds quickly to expand your business scale, how can you fully utilize this advertising resource?”
“Uh… I’ll make time to go to Beijing and discuss things in detail with Director Yang soon!”
“Forget it. Uncle Yang is already preparing to bring his planning team to Suzhou to talk to you. Relying on you… this project is likely to fail!”
“Sorry, I’ve had a lot going on recently…”
Jian Wei interrupted me unhappily, “Save these excuses for Uncle Yang to hear. I’m not even involved in this project, but I have to remind you—if you still maintain this passive attitude, our partners will definitely reassess the value of the cooperation…”
Before Jian Wei could finish speaking, my phone beeped with a message. My weary spirit suddenly stirred—I knew this message was likely from Mi Cai because she hadn’t yet replied to the message I had sent her yesterday about going to the old house to retrieve the money and keys…
I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket. Sure enough, it was from Mi Cai. She wrote: “You can leave the keys and money with CC. I won’t go to the old house.”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage