After I told Fang Yuan about my breakup with Mi Cai, he was silent for a full minute before saying, “I can hardly believe it… What exactly caused you two to break up?”
I responded to Fang Yuan with silence. I always felt our breakup was too superficial. The love we had painstakingly nurtured had died merely in a baseless suspicion. Mi Cai would probably never understand that everything I did for Leyao was purely based on friendship, and our past was merely the result of a foolish mistake. All the mistakes were ultimately my fault for giving up the crystal-clear castle in my heart recklessly years ago after breaking up with Jian Wei. Now, I finally paid a painful price for my immaturity, because deep inside, I had never truly let her go.
Fang Yuan was still patiently waiting for my answer. Finally, I told him, “Maybe it’s just because I am not pure enough… Let’s not talk about it anymore. It’s raining. I need to find a place to shelter from the rain!”
I didn’t give Fang Yuan a chance to ask further questions. I hung up the phone decisively, but I didn’t go anywhere. I just blankly stared at the torn T-shirt that had been ripped by Jian Wei. After a long while, I looked up at the overcast sky, hoping in my heart that if someone had ever passed by that Sky City, they would come back and tell me whether it had already become a ruin, and where that long-haired woman had gone.
Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, and large raindrops fell heavily. I held the torn T-shirt over my head and looked toward the approaching vehicles in the distance. The cold rain soaked me, making me feel uncomfortable, and I could only hope that Jian Wei would return soon.
After standing in the rain for nearly fifteen minutes, Jian Wei finally returned. She rolled down the car window and shouted at me through the heavy rain, “Are you out of your mind? There’s a gas station right behind you. Why didn’t you go in and take shelter… Hurry up and get in the car.”
I finally opened the car door and got inside. The water dripping from my body quickly formed a puddle on the floor mat. Jian Wei took out some tissues, wiped the rainwater off my face, and scolded me, asking, “There’s such a big gas station behind you. Why didn’t you think to go in and take shelter? Now you’re soaked like a drowned chicken!”
“Who pays attention to what’s behind them!”
Jian Wei’s hands stopped moving. She looked at me and asked, “What are you trying to imply?”
“I didn’t mean anything. Seriously, I just didn’t notice there was a gas station behind me. I think you’re being a bit too sensitive!”
Jian Wei seemed unwilling to argue further. After saying that, she handed me a newly bought shirt, started the car, and the scenery outside the window quickly became a memory in my mind.
Still, I couldn’t help but look back, as if I really hadn’t noticed the gas station behind me.
…
After having dinner with Jian Wei, I sent her back to the hotel and returned home myself. I took a hot shower, then avoided the inquiries from Bandy and Mom, and went into my room.
I couldn’t describe my current mood, but all my thoughts were truly focused on Mi Cai. I was worried about her. Every time I thought of her lying in the hospital bed, my heart ached uncontrollably. This pain gradually consumed my rationality and determination.
Finally, I took out my phone from my pocket and waited. If she sent me a message right now saying she missed me and needed me by her side, I would definitely return to her, abandoning all my stubbornness and pride, taking care of her daily life and never letting such things happen again.
Through many experiences, I had come to deeply understand that dignity has no place in love. Although I cared about my dignity, I loved her more. Even after suffering so many times, I still couldn’t become rational. Now, the only thing missing was her response, a reply proving that she still cared about me!
My phone remained silent, and this silence seemed to mock my self-importance. I felt deeply defeated, then lit a cigarette, forcing myself not to think about her…
Suddenly, the door opened and Bandy walked in. He didn’t complain about the smoky air in the room. Instead, as usual, he opened the window for me and brought a stool to sit by my bed. I put out the cigarette in my hand and instinctively took another one from the pack, preparing to light it.
Bandy pressed my hand and said, “Smoke less. If you have something on your mind, talk to me. Don’t keep it all inside.”
I put down the cigarette, smiled, and said, “What could I possibly have on my mind! I’m just bored being alone in the room!”
Bandy sighed, “That’s exactly your problem. Normally, you say whatever shouldn’t be said, but when it’s time to really communicate, you hide everything inside and don’t say a word… This isn’t good; it easily causes misunderstandings!”
What Bandy said was true. However, I was really not used to bringing the pain and helplessness I experienced onto those around me. I smiled again and said, “Bandy, you’re really thinking too much. What kind of trouble could I possibly have!… By the way, today I went to the 4S store and placed an order for a car. I paid in full. It should arrive in about two weeks. You can go pick it up then. Here are the receipt and the pickup voucher.” I said, taking the receipt and voucher from my handbag and handing them to Bandy.
“With this money, you should save it for buying a house. What do I need such a good car for? After I retire and stop working, I won’t need a car anymore. You should go return it!”
“Bandy, this is your son’s way of showing filial piety. Whether you use it or not, you should keep it… I promise you, son will definitely change his bad habits in the future and let you and Mom live a good life. So you must accept the car to let your son fulfill this promise!”
Bandy looked at me and finally nodded…
After a moment of silence, Bandy reminded me, “Don’t forget that I’m catching a ride with you to Suzhou the day after tomorrow.”
“I’ll just drop you off directly in Shanghai.”
Bandy shook his head and said, “I’m going to see Xiaomi. I want to ask her in person why she broke up with you. If she truly looks down on you and thinks our family is too poor, I won’t say a word…”
I immediately interrupted excitedly and said, “Dad, there’s no way a parent should act like this, nor should they dig so deeply!”
Bandy’s expression turned serious, and he replied firmly, “There’s no way to treat love so lightly either. I’m your father, and I can’t stand by watching you make one mistake after another…”
“Dad, there are countless good girls in the world. Why must you insist on her? Let me clearly tell you now, she’s just as confused as I am. Can two confused people really be good together?”
“It’s not your father who insists on her; it’s whether you yourself have truly made up your mind in your heart… Son, the path I took wrongly, I can’t let you walk it again. Love is not a game, not a tantrum, and certainly not an exchange!”
I was a bit taken aback, staring at Bandy for a long time before finally asking, “Dad, what exactly do you mean by that?”
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