At half past eight in the morning, Jianwei and I arrived at the event venue. Although the celebration had not officially begun, the event organizers had already created a bustling atmosphere, with staff standing by seriously and emotionless machines everywhere.
Ten minutes later, guests began to arrive one after another. I followed Jianwei around, greeting everyone as the host, but none of them were familiar to me. They spoke more with Jianwei, while I mostly remained silent. In fact, I understood: I wasn’t really part of their circle, and it was difficult for me to engage in conversations about the tastes and qualities of high society.
At this time, a group of reporters arrived. I didn’t pay much attention at first, but they rushed toward me, asking in a cacophony of voices: “President Zhao, there’s a report claiming you were the leading man in Leyao’s withdrawal from the entertainment industry. Neither you nor Leyao have ever publicly addressed this. Would you like to comment on it now?”
“President Zhao, after Leyao terminated her contract with the film company, she faced a huge compensation payment. Who paid this compensation for her? Also, now that she’s been nominated for Best Actress at the Film Festival, will she attend the ceremony to accept the award and thus make a comeback in the entertainment industry?”
“President Zhao, we heard you came from a poor background, and yet you suddenly rose to establish Lukou Travel and Culture Company. Is this related to Leyao? Did you receive her help?”
My expression immediately darkened. I turned to Jianwei and asked, “Are these entertainment reporters the media you invited?”
Jianwei looked even more upset than I was. She immediately signaled to the security personnel at the event, but the reporters had no intention of leaving. Amid shoving, they continued hurling those extremely annoying questions at me.
I tried to control myself from losing my temper, retreated to a corner, and silently smoked a cigarette. Yet, the glances piercing toward me from the crowd hurt me deeply. I couldn’t help but ask myself: what exactly had I personally done for the establishment of this company? It seemed that I had always been supported by someone else. Although this person wasn’t Leyao, who the reporters were referring to, such a presence indeed existed… and this presence was genuinely eroding my passion for this project. That’s why, even on the day the company was founded, I could still lie in bed chasing the pleasure of a few minutes of sleep. Although I had never acknowledged it, the subconscious feelings couldn’t lie. Was this “cultural path” still the one I had initially pursued?
At this moment, after losing my way in love, my career was also filled with confusion and uncertainty.
The smoke continuously exhaled from my mouth seemed to isolate me from the crowd, but through a small gap, I saw Mi Cai and the woman in red standing in another corner. They had actually both come.
The venue gradually regained calm, and so did I. At this moment, I suddenly understood Mi Cai, understood her decision to break up with me… My life had been so chaotic, yet I had longed for her to give me a crystal-clear city. Was that realistic?
…
The opening ceremony officially began. The host introduced the important guests present one by one. Soon it was time for the general manager’s speech. Jianwei handed me the speech she had revised. I glanced at it and shook my head, indicating I wouldn’t use it.
Jianwei looked very puzzled. I smiled and said, “We are a company full of personality. If the general manager’s speech still has to be constrained by a script, wouldn’t that be a joke?”
With that, I walked onto the stage. The staff moved a stand-up microphone to me. I immersed myself in my emotions, remaining silent for a long time, making the audience increasingly nervous until they finally gave me a round of encouraging applause.
After taking a deep breath, I finally spoke: “Thank you to all our friends here today for attending the opening ceremony of Lukou Travel and Culture Company. I’m very happy, but I don’t plan to say much. I used to be an unpopular bar singer at the bottom of society, so let me sing a song for everyone. It’s one I wrote during the lowest point of my life. It might not fit the celebratory atmosphere, but it’s what I most want to express, and it’s also some of the ideas I most want to convey through this cultural project.”
The venue was completely silent. Perhaps no one had ever replaced the formal and official opening remarks in the way I was doing now.
The staff found me a guitar. I took off my suit jacket, unbuttoned my shirt, gently strummed the strings, and continued: “This song has no title. I dedicate it to myself, to this world, and to you!”
“Cold winds, winter snow, cold rain… O world, you gave me everything, so why do I weep when I look at you? Sadness, joy, memories… O lover, you gave me everything, so why did you tear my body apart? So I’m like a fish wasted in the forest, swimming here and there. So I’m like a wolf drowned in the sea, struggling, dying… O life, tear off your hypocritical mask! O lover, kill my humble soul! Hey! Let a cold wind blow, let cold rain pour, and in a solitary life, think of you… Damn it! Damn it! Damn this damn life, damn this damn love, how amazing they are! Tear me apart! Don’t misunderstand anymore, don’t betray anymore, don’t think of you anymore…”
My voice, accompanied by the heavy guitar chords, was torn apart, then turned into a sob, continuing to sob… My emotions ran wild with the lyrics I had composed. I had never sung this song since I wrote it because it would cause me to lose control, to scream, to recall countless nights when I smoked, held my guitar, and was torn apart in the rain!
The heavy guitar sound gradually faded. The venue was caught between two extremes: some were immersed in my singing, while others looked at me as if I were a monster. I gradually calmed down, scanning the crowd, and then I saw Jianwei. I had written this song after our breakup. But did she understand? Did she understand my pain?
Perhaps she did, because she was crying.
Then I saw Mi Cai. She was lost in the crowd, and I couldn’t see her expression. However, the woman in red beside her shrugged her shoulders and gave me a thumbs-up. I couldn’t tell whether she meant to mock me or show appreciation.
I took the microphone from the stand and, with an unprecedented calmness, said, “My performance is over. Once, I was just a tragic figure torn apart by life and love. There are too many similar tragedies and similar people in life. Therefore, we all need such a cultural path, or more accurately, a healing path. I will walk this path together with all of you and be the first patient to recover. Please believe in the charm of this path! Thank you!”
Finally, applause broke out from the audience, but the host seemed unsure how to bring the event back on track. She looked somewhat bewildered.
…
The event continued. I lit a cigarette and sat in a corner. Once again, I couldn’t manage my own life. That’s why I felt panicked, why I went to the dating website, why I sang so emotionally.
The woman in red approached me, smiled, and said, “After today’s opening ceremony, I’m afraid everyone in the industry will know about you, the crazy general manager!”
“So what?”
“But I think it was great. I believe this path will be born in your hands with a healing presence.”
I inhaled deeply on my cigarette, smiled, and asked, “What about your generous gift?”
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