The woman in red fell silent after revealing that Jian Wei was one of the people behind the photos. Compared to her calmness, my heart was in turmoil. After a while, I asked her, “You say it’s her. Do you have any evidence? I don’t really believe it!”
“It’s not a criminal case. What kind of evidence do you need?… I believe if you confront Jian Wei directly about this, she will admit it. At least I think she’s a woman who dares to take responsibility for her actions.”
I lost the desire to continue the conversation. I grabbed my wallet, paid the bill, and left the cafe before the woman in red. I needed to find Jian Wei. I wanted to know whether it was truly her who did it. If so, why? And back then, when she was in the United States, who had given her those photos? Moreover, my private life had become unbearable only after we broke up. What was the point of sending her those photos?
With a series of questions in my mind, I finally dialed Jian Wei’s number. I told her I was waiting for her by the moat and that she must come, no matter how long it took!
…
At the moat, I stood by the railing, smoking as I waited for Jian Wei. Although the rain that had poured for several days had stopped, my mood was even heavier. If my past was a scar, now it had been torn open again, along with flesh and blood. I felt anxious.
The river still flowed northward with the autumn wind, and the starlight reflected on its surface shimmered. I felt dazed, unable to imagine this river as one of happiness, even though once, with Jian Wei, I had fearlessly jumped into it for a guitar…
I flicked the ash off my cigarette and tucked my collar tighter. The wind was chilly. She arrived amidst this chill, and my heart, which had grown cold, began to stir again, becoming restless, even agitated. I inhaled deeply, finishing half the cigarette in one go, unsure how to confront her.
The cool wind blew her clothes as she tucked her hair behind her ear and asked me under the vast night sky, “Why did you call me here so late?”
Looking at her, I noticed her lips were painted with lipstick. She had clearly made an effort to dress up before coming. Otherwise, why would she live closer to the moat than me, yet arrive after me?
I took out another cigarette and lit it, still unable to find a way to ask without causing harm or suspicion. Finally, I asked bluntly, “Were you the one who provided those photos to Weiran that were exposed by the media?”
Jian Wei looked at me, her expression unchanged, as if she had been expecting this moment all along. Finally, she nodded and said, “Yes, I gave them to him.”
“Why did you have those photos, and why did you do it?”
Jian Wei turned her back to the river and, after a long pause, spoke in a low voice, “I just wanted to prove something. As for those photos, someone kept sending them to me anonymously while I was in the U.S. I didn’t know who it was, but I kept them all. Now it seems like it was the right decision.”
My scalp tingled. It turned out that the most decadent period of my life had been under someone else’s watchful eyes all along, and I had no idea who that person was. Taking another deep puff of my cigarette, I asked, “What exactly were you trying to prove?”
After a long silence, Jian Wei finally said, “After we broke up, I couldn’t forget you. I even considered returning to China to find you. But on the night I packed my suitcase, I received the first of those photos… That night, I cried the whole night, tore up my plane ticket, and chose to stay in the U.S. From then on, every month I received another photo. I gradually lost hope and finally accepted the fact that we were truly over… But now two years have passed. I still question whether my decision to stay in the U.S. was right. Was I too narrow-minded? So I wanted your current girlfriend to see those photos too. As a result, you two also broke up. This proves that no woman can accept the fact that the man she loves has hidden secrets in his heart. I couldn’t accept it, and Mi Cai couldn’t either either. Although the reasons and the nature of what we couldn’t accept were different, the one who was wrong wasn’t us, it was you, Zhaoyang… You were the one who ruined love!”
I was silent at first, then a surge of uncontrollable anger rose within me. I asked, “Before the love was ruined, why did you break up with me in the first place?… It’s been three years since we broke up. Why did you do something like this? You not only destroyed my relationship with Mi Cai, but also ruined Leyao’s career path. Do you know that? Do you know that I’m asking you this?”
Jian Wei refused to answer all my questions with silence.
“Jian Wei, is this your revenge on me?… If it is revenge, you’ve succeeded! I’m living without any dignity or privacy now!”
Jian Wei burst into tears… “Zhaoyang… Do you really know me? Do you really understand Jian Wei?… I followed you when I was 19, and at 20, I gave you the most precious thing a woman can give—a man I didn’t even know what to pursue before that… My father was one of the earliest advertising designers in the country, the vice president of the advertising association, and was well-known throughout the advertising industry. My mother is a government official. I grew up living a life where I was adored by everyone. I had no desire for material things because I always got whatever I wanted… Until I met you. You always told me that there must be a pure city in this world, but it needed the two of us to build it together. I believed you… I thought this was the pursuit of my life, the soul inside my body. But in my parents’ eyes, you were just a lazy, aimless hooligan. My family couldn’t accept you… But that didn’t matter. For that city you imagined, I was willing to elope with you and cut off all ties with my family… But people grow up, right? The more we grow up, the more illusory that city becomes. So… I went to America!… After arriving in America, because of the distance, misunderstandings, and indulgence, I really lost that city. But precisely because I lost it, it became real again… Since then, I’ve lived in hell. I didn’t know what else I could pursue in life. I was in so much pain… so much pain!”
These words threw me violently into the river of memories. So I cried too… I cried for the past, for that city that could never be reclaimed. She was right. The older we became, the more that city seemed like a lie. I had built this city for this woman with my youthful ignorance, and then personally defiled it. It turned out that all the lies were not lies at all, and I was the biggest lie in life!
For the first time after our breakup, I hugged her tightly, holding her close in my arms. We wept, reminiscing, yet hating, hating because of the lie of that city. Jian Wei hated that city, while I hated myself!
Her hatred was so illusory, and mine was so real…
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