Le Yao’s series of questions once again left me speechless. Although at one time I firmly believed that Le Yao was the most indecisive woman I knew, after experiencing many things, I’ve changed my view. She is independent, even resolute. Perhaps this is a form of growth, a growth that happened during a period I didn’t participate in.
After the silence, I finally said to her, “If you really don’t plan to return to China, then live well in Singapore. If you have any financial burdens, let me know. I can still offer some help.”
Le Yao’s tone was somewhat mocking, “Oh, Zhao Yang, are you trying to be someone’s mistress?”
“I can’t even afford to support you!”
“Then what’s your motivation?”
I thought for a moment and replied, “Helping each other between friends.”
“Hehe, that’s a good way to put it, really good… I think I should accept your financial aid someday. After all, you’re practically a nearly successful person now, while I’m just a struggling little artist who can’t make it in the entertainment industry.”
Le Yao’s sarcastic words made me feel somewhat disheartened. It seemed we could no longer get along like we used to. After a while, I said to her, “I think you should consider returning to the entertainment industry again. Of course…”
“Of course what?”
“If you can manage your current life and feel this is what you want, then pretend I never made this call. I will definitely respect your choice!”
The sadness in my voice perhaps touched Le Yao a little. Finally, she softened her tone and said to me, “I’ve tried to find a long-term job here, but… I don’t have any job skills, not even the most basic office software. I couldn’t find a suitable job, but I’m unwilling to do jobs that require being in the spotlight. However, I still have some money left. When I run out of it, I might return to China, but I really don’t plan to go back to the entertainment industry. Even though I once longed to become a shining star, after experiencing it, I realized that these shining moments didn’t make me any happier; on the contrary, they brought me nothing but burdens…”
At this moment, I could feel Le Yao’s weariness and said to her, “Yes, you actually understand what you want and have the determination to pursue it…”
“What about you?”
“I’ve always lived like a gust of wind, without shape, so I just drift along.”
“You carry too much negative energy. I really hope one day you can become someone who has a positive influence on others, unlike now!”
I smiled and asked, “Is this your expectation for me?”
“Yes, you should strive to change your current state. In fact, we are all watched by many eyes while we live. Some of these eyes are immature and inexperienced, so you should set a correct example.”
I finally laughed, “Haha… This must be your occupational disease as a public figure. I’m different from you. I will definitely live a lonely life. In my world, there are no eyes. I can run wild and even die in my own world.”
Le Yao seemed to regard my innate loneliness as a kind of stubbornness, so she remained silent for a long time without finding words to respond. Thus, in her silence, I spoke again, “I don’t know whether many eyes are watching me, but I have always been growing. We once made a promise that we would both become masters of life. So, based on this promise, I will definitely grow into a big tree, sheltering people around me from wind and rain.”
“Do you still remember our promise?”
“Never forgotten.”
Finally, Le Yao smiled and said, “Zhao Yang, if one day I return to China with nothing, will you support me?”
“Definitely… but let’s put it differently, it’s a kind of support between comrades-in-arms.”
“Whatever way you put it, at least I feel that no matter how bad my life gets, there’s still someone I can rely on. Actually, we’re both very lonely because those eyes watching us will never understand ourselves better than we do! Therefore, we always live alone in our own world.”
After ending the conversation with Le Yao, I once again took out a cigarette from the cigarette box on the cabinet and lit it. I was daydreaming, but one thing I was certain of was that Le Yao would return to China, maybe soon, maybe after some time. I hoped her loneliness would be spent along with her money, because I had an intuition that she belonged to the entertainment industry, so her loneliness was destined to be illusory, while mine was real. For example, on this night when only a cigarette company me, I truly saw that long-standing loneliness burning out from my fingertips.
…
The next day, I went to the company early. I had arranged a lot of work for myself today because the conversation with Le Yao last night made me realize that I must change my state of stagnation, because not growing meant withering.
Around noon, I received a call from an unknown number. After answering, the other party introduced herself, saying she was Mi Cai’s assistant, and asked if I was available in the afternoon. If so, she hoped I could come to Zhuo Mei to sign the tourism agency contract for our company, because only Mi Cai had the authority to sign the contract, and Mi Cai’s schedule was tight, so she hoped I could come in person to sign the contract face-to-face.
In some sense, Zhuo Mei was now the client, and my company was the service provider, so we had the obligation to accommodate the client’s request. I agreed to this request, and we arranged to meet at 3:15 PM.
After having lunch and taking a one-hour nap, I woke up at 2:30 PM. I washed my face to wake myself up a bit and then drove to Zhuo Mei.
Upon arrival, I parked my car in the underground parking lot. When I got out of the car, I happened to see Fang Yuan’s car. I stopped and waited for a while. He also parked his car, grabbed his briefcase, and walked towards me.
He didn’t have any airs of being a vice president; just like before, he put his arm around my shoulder and asked, “Hey, what are you doing at Zhuo Mei?”
“I’m here to sign a contract.”
“It’s the tourism agency contract for our Zhuo Mei, right?”
I nodded.
Fang Yuan continued, “It’s rare for us brothers to meet. Let’s find a place to have something to drink and chat.”
I looked at the time. There were still more than 20 minutes until my appointment with Mi Cai. Anyway, I needed to wait, so I accepted Fang Yuan’s suggestion. Then the two of us found a small cafe on the second floor of Zhuo Mei, each ordered something to drink, and started chatting.
Fang Yuan asked me, “How’s the company’s operation lately?”
“Just started, how can there be smooth or not smooth? How about you, how’s your work going lately?”
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