It had been raining all night without stopping. In the morning when I woke up, the temperature had dropped sharply due to the rain. When I woke, I had already wrapped myself tightly in the blanket, then sneezed heavily. The rain I had been caught in yesterday had given me a severe cold, and combined with the hangover, my head throbbed painfully. I felt extremely dry in my mouth and throat. I hurriedly boiled a kettle of water and sat on the sofa waiting. Even though I felt so terrible, I still habitually lit a cigarette, and in the silence of being alone, I speculated where Mi Cai might have gone and from where I might possibly encounter her.
But this city is truly too big, with so many streets and alleys to choose from. The chances of me meeting her were slim. This crisis only became apparent to me on this hungover morning. Thus, I felt increasingly oppressed by this sense of unavoidable separation, and the entire morning I was somewhat dazed. Until after washing up and receiving a call from Luo Ben did this state end. He told me that he had already finished recording the talent show with CC last night and returned to Suzhou. He invited me to meet him at the “Empty City” music restaurant for a few drinks at noon.
Thinking that we hadn’t seen each other for a long time, I agreed. I forcibly buried my uneasy feelings deep inside temporarily and, as usual, went to the company on this rainy morning to handle various complicated tasks. I personally created a recent travel plan for Tiandy Group and sent it to their marketing director at nearly noon for review.
Around midday, I stopped all work at hand, then turned on my computer, opened a map of Suzhou, and began analyzing where Mi Cai might start her day. Intuitively, I thought that her choosing to go out at dusk must be after work. Perhaps if I waited at Zhuo Mei, I might find her immediately. But soon I discarded this idea because my thinking was too obvious. Mi Cai would surely think the same way. If she really wanted to test whether there was any fate between us, she definitely wouldn’t choose Zhuo Mei as her starting point. I continued to think hard until Luo Ben called again to urge me.
…
At noon, I arrived at the Empty City music restaurant. Luo Ben had already ordered two large mugs of draft beer. I sat across from him, picked up a mug, drank a mouthful, and asked, “Why are you back now? Didn’t you make it to the semi-finals?”
Luo Ben threw me a cigarette and asked in return, “Do you think I should have advanced?”
“The songs you write are recognized as high-level in the industry, plus CC was there supporting you. I think it’s unlikely you didn’t make the semi-finals!”
Luo Ben smiled and replied, “I did make the semi-finals, but I withdrew. After much consideration, I realized that this purely commercial talent show isn’t suitable for me. So I’ll stop here.”
His answer showed me his usual pretentiousness. I raised my glass to him and said, “Your withdrawal might not be a bad thing. I think it might even become one of the highlights of the original music competition. This reverse effect will last for a while, and your popularity might actually rise instead of fall. Many performance organizers will invite you for commercial shows!”
“I didn’t think about all that. I just want to focus on making good music, but this platform really isn’t suitable for me. I originally thought I could compromise for the sake of making a living, but this completely commercial packaging really makes me uncomfortable. Especially when I have to recite the pre-prepared lines on stage every time, it makes me feel nauseous. I can’t use my past experiences as a way to gain sympathy points either… Sigh! Maybe I really am not suited for this industry. It’s just a bit unfair to Man Wen. I described a certain kind of life to her, but I can’t realize it for her!”
“Don’t think too much about it. Teacher Wei follows you exactly for who you are!… But if there are really good commercial performances available, you should still take some of them. After all, you’ve bought a house in Suzhou now, and the pressure of life is also considerable. Don’t put all the burdens of life on Teacher Wei alone!”
Luo Ben nodded and after a while said, “I understand…”
Then he asked me, “What about you? Who have you been dating recently?”
I didn’t plan to hide anything from Luo Ben, so I told him in detail about the agreement I had made with Mi Cai last night. Not because I hoped he could give me any solutions, but simply based on the trust between us as brothers.
Luo Ben took a deep drag from his cigarette, then slammed the cigarette pack on the table like a judge’s gavel and said, “Zhaoyang, you’ve gone back and forth with her several times already, so why can’t you just forget this woman?”
“Because I loved her… I know you might have some opinions about Mi Cai, but you should understand me better than anyone else, because all the things I’m facing now, you faced them before too. Seriously, I really want to respectfully call you my senior!”
“You’re making fun of me again…”
“I swear, whoever is making fun of you is a bastard. I’m being absolutely sincere!”
Luo Ben stared at me for a long time and sighed, “It’s really impressive that this woman could come up with such a method. She could have just told you straightforwardly that there’s no hope of getting back together… Tell me, we’ve both been living in Suzhou for many years now. With hundreds of bus routes and subways, she just randomly picks a street corner, and even if you brought a hunting dog with you, you might not necessarily find her!”
“Sigh… Who says that isn’t true! I’m really worried about this, but I can’t just give up because the hope is slim, can I? I still want to try to find her.”
Luo Ben suddenly seemed to have an idea and immediately suggested, “Then why don’t we have CC call her? We can first figure out where she is now, secretly follow her, and then tell you her movements in the evening… Then… Then this difficult problem could be quietly solved for you without anyone knowing!”
“That actually is a pretty good idea…”
Luo Ben thought I agreed and immediately took out his phone to call CC and execute this plan. However, I held his hand and said, “But really, don’t play this game. I think some of the things she said are quite reasonable. There are so many obstacles between us; let’s just leave it to the most natural fate to resolve. If we deliberately create a fate that doesn’t originally exist, I think I would be betraying her, and even more so, betraying the kind of purity I once pursued. Besides, even if we get back together this way, it would become a hidden danger in our future relationship. If one day Mi Cai finds out that I used such underhanded methods to win her back, I’m afraid I would have already become a completely different person in her eyes!”
Luo Ben looked at me helplessly. After a while, he said, “You’re just too sentimental about relationships. I don’t want to persuade you anymore because, as your brother, I never thought you and Mi Cai were really suitable. Even if you don’t gain anything today, it might not necessarily be a bad thing… My gut feeling tells me that one day you’ll realize, Leyao is actually the woman who can truly accompany you until the end!”
Luo Ben’s heartfelt words didn’t move me much at that moment. Right then, I was still thinking whether I might encounter Mi Cai at some street corner… I still hoped she would be the woman who would walk with me to the end of my life!
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