The surroundings were so quiet that one could hear the sound of breathing. A thin layer of mist had unknowingly formed over the river, adding a sense of mystery to the night. Mi Cai dipped her hand into the water, swirled it around, and then flicked some droplets onto my face with a smile. Naturally, I interpreted this as playful flirtation, so I also reached my hand into the river, scooping up some water and placing it gently on her face.
As I thought she would escalate this flirtation further, she instead placed her hand over mine and whispered, “Zhaoyang, when I return from America, no matter whether the IPO succeeds or not, will you marry me?”
Looking at her, I felt as if I could see my own rapidly beating heart and joyous soul reflected on her face. It took me a while to finally find my voice and hurriedly replied, “Okay… What kind of wedding do you want? Romantic, casual, or maybe a traveling one?”
Mi Cai shook her head.
“Do you already have something in mind? Tell me, no matter how hard it is, I will make it happen.”
“It’s none of those things. As long as you are the groom at the wedding, that’s enough for me…”
Her answer shocked me. I looked at her for a long time, trying to understand the meaning behind her words. She truly intended to marry Wei Ran—it wasn’t just a statement but a decision she was ready to act upon. Perhaps she had once felt despair and even cried while compromising. Therefore, when we spoke of marriage again, what mattered most to her was that I would be the groom at her wedding.
At that moment, I felt a deep sorrow. Everything Mi Cai and I had experienced wasn’t poetic; life itself wasn’t poetic either. We had stumbled through life together, and now we no longer sought extravagance. What we truly needed was simply a wedding that included each other.
That was enough, because this return to simplicity matched the city I had always longed for—it was simple and pure.
Finally, I whispered softly into Mi Cai’s ear, “Can I kiss you for a while?”
“How long is a while?”
“Until I can’t kiss anymore…”
“Okay!”
Looking at Mi Cai with her eyes closed, I felt an irresistible impulse deep within. I leaned down and kissed her. She still responded with her usual innocence, but amidst the pounding of our hearts and the moist softness of our lips, life had, for a fleeting moment, felt like poetry.
……
Back at the guesthouse, I could sense the approaching dawn, yet I still had no desire to sleep. Lying in bed, staring out the window, I fell into my habitual daydreaming, letting one hypothetical scenario after another swirl through my mind.
What if Zhuo Mei failed to successfully go public in America? What would Mi Cai face then? Would she lose everything?
It probably wouldn’t be that bad, yet I couldn’t rule it out completely. If things were indeed that bad, what should I do?
Once again, I found myself in turmoil, asking myself whether I should bravely give up everything that Jian Wei had given me.
I tossed and turned, thinking repeatedly, and my heart grew increasingly hesitant. I feared being left with nothing at all while Mi Cai also had nothing. What would I use then to maintain her previous lifestyle?
Thinking about it, I was once again overwhelmed with frustration and inner conflict, finding it absurd that I was using gifts from an ex-girlfriend to satisfy my current fiancée.
This damn life isn’t poetry—it’s shit. I wasn’t originally a hesitant or immature person, yet this shitty life had driven me to the verge of insanity, making every choice seem like a lowly mistake. I couldn’t seem to live up to any sense of sophistication anymore.
Frustrated, I finally grabbed a cigarette from the drawer beside me, lit it, and posted a poop emoji on my WeChat Moments to express my anger and sense of loss.
About ten minutes later, just as dawn was approaching, someone actually liked my post. I thought I must have been imagining it, but after double-checking, I realized it was actually Leyao who had liked my post and sent me a private message: “So you finally realized you’re just crap before dawn came?”
I stared wide-eyed, feeling like spitting blood, and replied after a while, “How much must I annoy you for you to say something so vicious while lying to yourself!”
“Oh! So it wasn’t a self-description… Sigh, so disappointing. I originally thought you had finally come to your senses and recognized who you truly are, but it turned out to be a false joy!!”
Finding it hard to communicate with her, I decided not to reply. I lit another cigarette, lamenting my bad luck—like even when drinking water I choked. Even in the quiet of the night, posting a status update still managed to attract trouble. I cursed again, “This damn shitty life!”
Before the words had even faded, Leyao sent another message: “Zhaoyang, I advise you to wake up now. You really need to understand who you are!”
“What kind of person I am has nothing to do with you!”
“Of course it does. I’m afraid you’re living too shamelessly…”
I instinctively wanted to curse back, but suddenly calmed down, sensing that Leyao might be referring to my acceptance of investment from Jian Wei.
After a while, I finally replied, asking, “What exactly do you mean?”
“Oh, some things are not fun if explained clearly…”
Her reply made me even more convinced of my suspicion, making me even more upset. This time, I didn’t curse life but instead reflected on myself: why, after so many years, was I still achieving nothing? While my college buddies had gradually attained varying degrees of success—Fangyuan, for example, had become the executive vice president of Zhuo Mei through his own efforts, a true golden-collar worker. And Xiangchen had even done better—against the backdrop of an industry where even the owner of a small liquor store could afford a BMW, he had gradually captured the high-end liquor market across multiple cities, accumulating a fortune difficult to estimate.
What about me? After graduation, I drifted from one bar to another as a performer, never having a proper job, yet always painting a poetic future for my ex-girlfriend. But that didn’t stop her from flying to America, leaving me to struggle in the shit-like reality without any result. Eventually, I even pinned my hopes on lottery tickets, foolishly believing that winning the jackpot would make me worthy of Jian Wei. Thinking back, it was all absurdity and tears from failing to break free from this life. I truly remembered how hard I had worked—writing proposals during the day and performing at bars at night—until I developed tenosynovitis from constant contact with guitar strings and piano keys, to the point I couldn’t even open a bottle cap to drink. Yet, despite all that, reality had given me nothing! Jian Wei still broke up with me, leaving me heartbroken and drowning in alcohol, unable to figure out how to plan the rest of my life.
I don’t know when the window gradually brightened, though the sun had not yet risen. The cold air seeped in through the wooden window, chilling me to the bone. Yet I still hadn’t figured out how to face my future life or make a decision about Luku Company. I even started to wonder whether any decision I made would make me seem like crap.
Wasn’t that the truth? If I chose to stay at Luku, I’d be seen as crap in Leyao’s eyes. If I gave it up, I’d be crap in life itself—utterly meaningless!
Without any clarity, the sun finally rose lazily from the eastern horizon, and dawn had finally arrived… but not my dawn.
……
At noon, Mi Cai, the woman in red, and I returned to Suzhou. After a simple lunch, we parted ways, and I felt myself sinking back into the annoying reality of life. The entire afternoon, I couldn’t focus on work, staring blankly at the pile of documents until evening. Then I received a call from Jian Wei again.
I wasn’t sure what mood I was in when I answered the phone, so I said nothing and waited silently for Jian Wei to speak first.
“Zhaoyang, are you back in Suzhou?”
“Yeah, I just had lunch here.”
Jian Wei paused slightly before saying, “Then do you have time tonight? I think it’s time we had a talk.”
I knew this was something I would eventually have to face, so I replied to Jian Wei, “I’m free. You can choose the place.”
I assumed Jian Wei would invite me to a restaurant, but instead, she almost immediately said, “Seven tonight, same old place.”
I naturally understood that she meant the moat we had visited countless times, but I couldn’t figure out why she chose that place. At least on a deep autumn night, the cold wind would be howling, making it almost unbearable for the body.
Assuming I had agreed, she said to me, “Remember to buy me a serving of oden. Thank you!”
I stood silently for a moment before asking, “Oh, okay… Spicy?”
“Same as before… See you later.”
Hearing the “beep” of the call ending, I felt somewhat disoriented, standing there for a long time before picking up my briefcase from the desk and heading downstairs from the office, my mind already thinking about where I could find oden.
……
It felt like a kind of fate. I walked through several food streets but couldn’t find any place selling oden. Eventually, I went back to that alley where I had once bought oden with Mi Cai. The vendor was still there, adding ingredients to the pot.
I approached him and said, “Boss, give me one serving of oden.”
He seemed to remember me and smiled, asking, “Sure, is it for your girlfriend?”
I looked at him, momentarily speechless, then said after a while, “Give me two servings.”
The boss still smiled and said, “I thought so. If your girlfriend likes it, even if you don’t, you should enjoy it together. It’s important for a couple to share interests. Besides, my oden really tastes good!”
I just nodded, placed the money on his food cart, and didn’t say anything else. After he handed me the two servings of oden, I turned around and walked away without looking back…
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