Driving the newly issued Audi A6 provided by the company along the path scattered with falling leaves, the air was filled with a bleak atmosphere. Even in this bleakness, it seemed to have been meticulously crafted by Suzhou, a classic southern city, thus becoming refined and elegant.
After a while, I arrived at the moat, parked the car, and got out carrying two servings of Kanda煮. Almost at the same time, Jian Wei arrived too, but this time she was no longer driving the Cadillac she had previously crashed and left battered.
She had changed cars, now driving a black Mercedes-Benz G65. This was indeed a rugged vehicle. On city roads, it was only she who could bully others, perfectly suiting her aggressive driving style.
We met under a landscape tree that had already lost most of its leaves. I handed her one serving of Kanda-ni. She smiled, took it from me, and said thanks. I didn’t respond to her gratitude, merely pulling out a cigarette from the pack, lighting it, and looking at her new car, because I liked it so much… but couldn’t afford it!
In the brief silence between us, a young couple nearby was watching us, their eyes filled with envy, whispering something to each other now and then. Initially, I didn’t pay much attention, but unexpectedly, the young man with a pierced ear pulled his beautiful and pretty girlfriend over to us.
Both Jian Wei and I looked at them somewhat puzzled…
There was a bit of a ruffian air about the young man as he asked me, “Are those Audi and Mercedes parked over there yours?”
I seemed to see a younger version of myself in him, wearing a studded leather jacket, fond of hanging a strange necklace around his neck, and having a beautiful girlfriend… I smiled at him, a silent acknowledgment.
“You two must be really rich!… By the way, let me introduce myself, I’m Xiao Liang, and this is my girlfriend Shasha… We came here not for anything else, just to ask you two seniors to witness this promise: in five years, at most five, I, Xiao Liang, will definitely give Shasha her favorite Porsche Panamera, red, and then come back here to romance her…”
Now I understood they had mistaken Jian Wei and me for a successful couple. I was momentarily speechless, but Jian Wei spoke up and asked him, “With what will you give her this car?”
The young man confidently replied, “Struggle! I believe with my abilities, I can live an awesome life in this city!”
I hadn’t heard the words “struggle” and “I think” combined in someone’s mouth for a long time. Just as I was about to say something as a seasoned person, Jian Wei patted his shoulder and said, “Then go ahead and work hard… I believe you will become an awesome person!”
The young man nodded, then took the cigarette pack from my hand, pulled one out, lit it, took a puff, said “Thanks,” and then pulled his girlfriend Shasha away. Jian Wei and I kept watching their immature backs until they completely disappeared from sight…
After a long while, Jian Wei asked me, “Zhaoyang, what are you thinking about?”
I took another deep drag from my cigarette and said, “I’m thinking whether that Porsche Panamera model will be discontinued in five years… Hehe, promises are just words spoken at that time, who knows what the situation will be like in the future!”
…
The autumn wind blew increasingly cool. I could hardly recall how many times this was that Jian Wei and I had sat by the moat, but I clearly remembered my feelings. Since she returned from America, every time we met here, my mood had never been good. Perhaps this was the difference between then and now. Back then, the two of us were stuck here, thinking only about an illusory future. Now, I just preferred coming here alone, looking back at the days gone by.
Jian Wei was eating the oden I bought for her while I was still smoking. In truth, neither smoking nor eating hindered our conversation, yet we remained silent nonetheless.
Jian Wei handed one skewer towards me and asked, “Do you want to eat?”
I shook my head and said, “Let’s talk about serious matters.”
Jian Wei put down the box of Kanda煮 and said, “Alright, then tell me what you discussed with Uncle Yang Congrong in Beijing this time.”
I looked at her for a while before speaking, “We talked about everything that needed to be discussed… I think Luku isn’t suitable for me anymore… I’m thinking of stepping out!”
Jian Wei’s expression immediately turned cold and stern, her voice filled with pressure as she said, “Repeat what you just said.”
“I’m thinking of stepping out… What I’m experiencing now isn’t what I want to pursue, don’t you understand?”
Jian Wei bit her lip, her eyes brimming with tears: “Zhaoyang… Can you not be so capricious? Don’t you know how much effort everyone has poured into Luku? Are those tens of millions of investments, and the additional funding that will come in the future, just child’s play to you?…” she continued, really crying now: “Now you say you want to step out, you’re trying to kill me, do you even know that?… You bastard!”
I hadn’t expected her reaction to be so intense, watching helplessly as she… In my memory, she was always so stubborn, and wouldn’t cry like this now.
Hating me to death, Jian Wei raised her hand to scratch my face. Instinctively, I grabbed her hands and finally said, “Can’t you stop being like a hedgehog?… Saying I want to step out means I’ve thought it through carefully. I can’t accept everything you’ve given me now… I need to be responsible for my own life, and for you, and for her…”
Jian Wei had already lost her composure, not listening to anything I was saying. Sobbing, she exerted immense strength, trying to grab my hair again, gasping while crying, “You bastard… You bastard…”
I firmly held her hands, unable to understand how my decision to step out could seem like taking her life away…
In the end, Jian Wei was still a woman, her strength gradually weakening until she only had the energy left to sob, staring at me like a soul had left her body.
My heart felt like it was tightly gripped by an unknown force, a dull pain suffocating me as I spoke to her, “We can talk about things calmly, but the way you’re acting now won’t change anything.”
“…How do you want me to talk calmly? Even if I do everything, it’s all negated by just one sentence from you!… Is your heart black?”
I still felt suffocated. In her anger, Jian Wei finally revealed no restraint, indirectly admitting: it was because of me that she invested in Luku, not really because she believed in the artistic path project… But whether this damn thing was based on a misunderstanding or a deliberate flattery, I couldn’t figure it out at all!
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