When I expressed my hope that Leyao would star in the short film “The Road of Arts,” everyone’s gaze fell upon her, obviously curious whether she would grant me this favor.
Leyao, however, didn’t treat this as a serious matter. She glanced at me and replied, “Let’s discuss this privately; don’t ruin the atmosphere of our gathering.”
I responded, “If you just accept straightforwardly, the atmosphere won’t be ruined at all!”
Leyao didn’t respond to me. Instead, she took Luoben to the small stage to play music, leaving me awkwardly standing there holding my beer glass, staring blankly at CC who sat across from me.
After a while, CC finally spoke, “Mei left, and you seem really down.”
I took another sip of beer and replied, “Who wouldn’t be… CC, why do Meicai and I always end up spending so little time together? We’re both in Suzhou now, but we’ve broken up twice in between.”
CC took a cigarette from her pack, lit it between her slender fingers, and smiled, “I remember Mei asked me a similar question before… I think both of you are just too anxious about gains and losses. Actually, temporary separation isn’t a big deal; it doesn’t mean permanent separation.”
I nodded, understanding my own anxiety. Such anxiety is precisely the truest reflection of love, proof that our love truly exists. Thus, I dared not even imagine the day we might be permanently separated, because I couldn’t bear such pain a second time in my life.
…
That night, I stayed with CC and others at “Kongcheng” until past nine o’clock. During the evening, I lost over a hundred yuan playing poker. Leyao also had bad luck, but she once again shifted her bad fortune onto me, forcing me to pay over 200 yuan in gambling debts for her. Thus, I became the unluckiest person of the night. I had only come to listen to music, yet I ended up losing nearly 500 yuan without any reason. I felt a bit upset about it!
This feeling of regret puzzled me. Perhaps it was related to my recently developed homely mindset. In those years when I acted recklessly, I had never regretted spending money. I was earning a white-collar salary but never managed to save any money, which led to my initial encounter with Meicai scolding me relentlessly, making me realize how absurd my past life had been. Gradually, with Meicai entering my life, I started living like a normal man.
When we left Kongcheng and were preparing to part ways at the alley outside, I once again felt the lifestyle that had gradually changed over the years. Even Luoben no longer rode that motorcycle that could tear through the wind at any moment. He and Weimanwen had bought a car, an imported Pajero, which Luoben had boldly modified, giving the car a wild and unrestrained aura. But in the end, it was still a car, not a motorcycle. Thus, Luoben had also bid farewell to that life of escaping reality through rock music.
CC took Yatou back to her place, while Weimanwen drove away with a somewhat drunken Luoben. The only ones left at the scene were myself, also somewhat drunk, and Leyao, who had no transportation.
I tossed my car key to Leyao and said, “You can drive the car; I’ll take a taxi home.”
“Pfft… why go to such lengths? I can just give you a ride home.”
“Under unusual circumstances, it’s better we keep some distance…”
Leyao added, “After all, you’re now a man with a family, right?”
It’s still too early to talk about starting a family, but I do have a girlfriend… She’s currently in the US, so I need to live more responsibly to let her focus on her work without worries. This is also a way of supporting her career!
“So obedient, I’m really happy for Meicai… But then don’t you dare ask me to film any short movies! If you just kept away from me forever, wouldn’t that solve everything!”
Facing Leyao’s sudden change of attitude, I wasn’t the least bit anxious. I smiled and said, “See, see, you’re just a girl prone to temper… After all, we are both people pursuing great endeavors. If there’s a chance for mutual cooperation, we can definitely maintain a rational mindset… To put it bluntly, this is what’s called business is business, completely unrelated to personal life!”
Leyao turned her back to me and whispered, “You’ve got quite a thick skin!”
It was so easy for me to calm Leyao’s anger. I walked up beside her again and smiled, “Both of our skins are pretty thick. Otherwise, after getting angry so many times, how could we still have remained friends for so many years, right?”
Leyao didn’t respond. I couldn’t even recall how many times she had ignored me that night. She seemed somewhat unusual, yet her way of speaking remained as simple and blunt as before. This made me feel my perception wasn’t sufficient evidence. I assumed I was just overthinking and stood beside her, sharing her silence.
In the city, neon lights covered this somewhat chilly night. Even the towering buildings of daytime seemed to hide within countless light circles, wilting away. I took a soft candy from my pocket and popped it into my mouth, replacing the pleasure of smoking.
Finally, Leyao looked toward the buildings across and said, “Zhaoyang, what do you think it would feel like if we were standing on the top of the tallest building right now?”
Without hesitation, I replied, “The feeling of freezing to death!”
“How about we go up for a while?”
I looked at her, realizing she seemed to like those extreme, lonely places. For example, in the small village, we had crossed deep mountains and forests to see that railway track, and there was that island isolated by the sea in her heart, and now this seemingly lonely building.
She continued to me, who had not yet responded, “Will you come up with me for a while?… I want to tell you something.”
“Is it about starring in the short film?”
“Yes, but that’ll come later… Haven’t you always wanted to know who helped me settle that huge breach-of-contract fee after I left the entertainment industry? Also, the reason I invited CC and Luoben tonight was actually to say goodbye… I’m leaving here and returning to the life that originally belonged to me!”
I looked at her in surprise and nodded after a while, saying, “Okay, I’ve never really stood at a high place to look down before. Today will be a good chance to see what this city looks like from above.”
As we walked toward the building across, Leyao kept walking ahead of me. Her shadow under the streetlights was sometimes long, sometimes short, just like her unpredictable personality. Yet when I looked at her body, away from the shadow, I saw a kind of helpless sadness. Finally, I had a premonition: during the days we hadn’t seen each other, she had seemingly made a significant decision about her life.
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage