After discussing Zhuomei, Fangyuan didn’t linger and immediately headed back to Zhuomei. I poured myself a cup of hot tea and stayed in the teahouse a while longer. I love the tranquility of this place in the afternoon. In this solitude that belongs solely to me, I watched the hurried passersby and the noise created by the outside world. At moments like these, I always feel a profound sense of existence—an existence independent of life and society.
The sky was overcast, with light drizzle falling. Soon, snowflakes began to fall amidst the rain. I suddenly realized that winter had finally arrived—actually, it was about time!
Pedestrians stopped in their tracks, looking up to chase the snowflakes with their eyes. In their tired gazes, I could see their longing for a heavy snowfall. If this snow kept falling long enough, tonight these hardworking office workers could take their girlfriends or wives, or their children, out into the snow-covered night to play and enjoy themselves.
This snowfall was absolutely a gift from heaven to this winter, and especially to the city of Suzhou. Located in the southern water town, Suzhou rarely ever got snow.
Within the time it took to drink a few cups of tea, the rain gradually stopped, and pure white snowflakes danced across the sky. I couldn’t help but think of Mi Cai, recalling how last year, before we had become a couple, we had argued and played in the snow. Just like that, another year had passed. We had said goodbye to our 26th year, and now, with our more mature bodies, we were separated by distance.
I shook my head with a smile, then took out the point-and-shoot camera Mi Cai had left behind from my briefcase and captured the snowy scene before my eyes.
As I transferred the photos from the camera to my phone, a shop on the street happened to be playing the song “Snowman” by Maya and Wang Leehom. In my memory, it seemed that whenever it snowed, this song always became the main melody, yet I never tired of listening to it because it represented a certain kind of mood within a specific scene.
It was a pity that Mi Cai and I had never had the chance to sing this song together on a snowy day. Perhaps because snow was so rare and precious, or maybe because we had spent too little time together.
I sent the photos I had taken to Mi Cai via WeChat, without expecting an immediate reply. Then I downloaded a singing-recording app on my phone and listened to various versions of “Snowman” recorded by other users.
Suddenly and without any warning, my phone vibrated on the table. I picked it up and saw that it was a message from Mi Cai: “Has it started snowing in Suzhou?”
“Yeah, I took these photos while sitting in the teahouse. The snowfall is pretty heavy. I bet there will be a spectacular view of snow-covered scenery tonight. Oh, and those photos were taken with the point-and-shoot camera you left behind. My photography skills aren’t worse than yours, right?”
Mi Cai quickly replied with a smiling emoji and wrote: “I really miss the snow in Suzhou!”
“I miss you in the snow even more!”
“Me too… Do you still remember that day outside the bar ‘Fifth Season,’ when it was snowing and I got angry with you because of your stubbornness?”
“Yeah, and you even hit me… Haha, I got beaten up by you. I miss that too. Am I going crazy? Is there something like脑白金 in America? If so, please send me some. I really need it!”
This time, Mi Cai replied after a long while: “…Zhaoyang, I miss you!”
I lit a cigarette and kept rereading this message, as if the meaning of living today was simply to wait for this message. I felt joyful, and my longing for her grew even stronger. But I also knew she wouldn’t be coming back in the short term, so I gave up the frustrating thoughts and replied: “Music is the best cure in this complex world. Now that it’s snowing so nicely, let’s sing a song together.”
“How do we sing? What song?”
“Since it’s snowing, let’s sing ‘Snowman’ by Maya and Wang Leehom. I’ll first record the male part in the singing app, and then you can find it and add the female part.”
“Okay, let me know when you’re done.”
I put on the headphones and found the recording of “Snowman” in the singing app. Looking outside at the heavy snowfall and the white-clad girl dancing in the snow, it felt as if I could see Mi Cai dancing and playing joyfully in the snow too. I quickly got into the mood, pressed the record button, and began singing passionately…
After finishing, I listened to it once and couldn’t quite believe it was my voice. In my memory, I hadn’t sung a soft, romantic song with such emotion for many years. Years of smoking and drinking had given me a hoarse, rough voice, but perhaps because I was touched by the gentle snowfall, I managed to sing with a delicate and tender feeling.
About twenty minutes later, Mi Cai, who was far away in America, completed the duet with me through the recording app. Then I uploaded the song publicly. As I listened to it, I gazed at the falling snow and chatted intimately with Mi Cai via WeChat. Time passed unnoticed until evening arrived. I realized that Mi Cai in America had spent the entire night accompanying me through this lonely afternoon…
I felt a pang of heartache seeing how exhausted she was and was about to wrap up our half-day conversation when she told me she was listening to the song we had recorded together. She said as long as she kept replying, we could continue chatting about anything, but once she stopped responding, it meant she had fallen asleep.
The streetlights illuminated the snow-covered streets, making them crystal clear. The streets were filled with joyful people, but my world suddenly grew quiet. Mi Cai had finally stopped replying. As dawn approached, she had finally fallen asleep. Yet I hadn’t had the chance to remind her to cover herself with a blanket… Thus, during this evening before nightfall, I kept feeling regretful, thinking I hadn’t shown her enough meticulous care. I prayed that she, who usually had a calm personality, would remember to cover herself with a blanket.
Night came, but it didn’t feel like night. The entire world was wrapped in snow, glowing with a soft light. I was still immersed in that afternoon, repeatedly reading our chat history. At this moment, I deeply felt how tangible longing for someone could be, yet at the same time, how intangible it was. In this intangibility, I wished even more for her to come back soon, so we could build our shared life together.
As I was deeply immersed in thoughts of her, my phone rang again. I picked it up and saw it was a call from Bendi. Although we had maintained occasional phone contact over these past days, he hadn’t visited Suzhou in a long time.
I quickly answered the call and asked, “Bendi, are you in Suzhou? I heard there’s an exhibition at the National Exhibition Center this weekend…”
As always, Bendi wasn’t much of a talker. He simply replied, “I’m already here. At the train station.”
“Then wait for me in the lobby. It’s cold outside. I’ll come pick you up right away.”
“No problem. I’ll take a look at the snow outside. Drive slowly on your way.”
I said “Okay,” then hurriedly walked out of the teahouse. In fact, since the last breakup incident with Mi Cai, Bendi and my mom had been deeply disappointed in me. That disappointment had gradually turned into a rift. But I still didn’t dare to tell them about my recent reconciliation with Mi Cai, because I was afraid they would misunderstand us as being emotionally careless people who kept breaking up and getting back together. I planned to wait until Mi Cai and I had truly confirmed our marriage plans before telling them. Until then, I still hoped I could mend this broken family relationship… I deeply knew that no matter how much I wandered, home would always be my final destination.
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