The snow was still falling heavily in the night when I drove cautiously all the way. Combined with traffic congestion, the relatively short trip took me nearly an hour. Upon arrival, I parked the car and walked toward the train station plaza. Soon I spotted my tall and sturdy father, although his hair had clearly turned even grayer. He worked in a state-owned enterprise, where most tasks were handled by subordinates, so he didn’t have to work too hard. Therefore, those increasing streaks of white hair must have been caused by emotional stress, which made me feel deeply guilty. Thinking about myself, Zhaoyang, since childhood I had never brought peace of mind to my parents. The only thing they could be proud of was my decent academic performance and my slight cleverness, which allowed me to learn things faster than others—including smoking and puppy love!
I approached my father, feeling guilty inside but still smiling, and said jokingly, “Dad, next time you come to Suzhou, call me in advance. I can come to the station earlier to pick you up, so you won’t have to wait so long!”
“It’s fine.”
After a brief silence, I said, “Let’s find a place to eat first.”
“Just buy some vegetables and go back to your place to cook. No need to spend money outside.”
“If we go back, we still have to cook. Let’s eat hotpot outside instead. I want to have a few drinks with you.”
Finally, my father nodded. I carried his simple luggage and walked with him toward the nearby bus station. As I walked, I was already thinking about how I would handle his inevitable questions about my marriage and career.
……
Perhaps because of the snow, my father and I tried several hotpot restaurants, all of which were fully occupied. Finally, we found one with available seats far from the city center. After ordering the broth and ingredients, I asked for a bottle of qingke liquor and poured my father a glass first to help him warm up, as he had waited outside for quite a while.
After each of us had a couple of drinks, the broth and ingredients were finally brought out, steaming as they filled the space between us. I picked up a slice of mutton and asked him, “How’s Mom’s health recently?”
“The same as usual.”
“Tell her to play less mahjong. You could take her traveling sometimes. It’s best to go to Sanya this season.”
“We’ll talk about traveling after I retire. What about you? Have you settled down in your personal life yet?”
After a moment of silence, I replied, “Right now the company is just getting started. I don’t have much time to think about personal matters… Maybe I’ll consider it after the company stabilizes.”
My father frowned and said, “We don’t really know what you’ve been up to all these years… Whenever we talk about your marriage and career, you never take it seriously.”
I drank another glass of liquor and, as usual, fell silent on this topic I didn’t want to discuss. Fortunately, my father wasn’t my mother—he simply sighed and didn’t press further, though he no longer interacted with me over the drinks, just pouring and drinking quietly by himself.
Not wanting to see him disappointed, I said, “Dad, you can rest assured about me. Once I find a girl who truly suits me, marriage and having kids won’t be far behind… Actually, I’d really appreciate it if you could talk to me about work.”
Putting down his glass, my father looked at me and said, “It’s always been the way of men to first get married and then build a career. You’re at the age when you should get married.”
Seeing how much he cared about my marriage, I cautiously asked, “Dad, do you think there’s any possibility between me and… uh… between me and Mi Cao? Or if we got back together someday, would you and Mom be able to accept it?”
After a moment of thought, my father replied, “I never had any objections toward Xiao Mi, but your mother… she…” He didn’t finish his sentence. After a brief silence, he continued, “By the way, Xiao Yun is getting married on New Year’s Day. Her fiancé is a government official… This has upset your mother a lot. She feels you didn’t truly cherish Xiao Yun, and this grudge might be hard to resolve. If you still care about your mother, you should find a practical girl and get married soon. She can’t take your repeated ups and downs anymore!”
Hearing the confirmed news about Li Xiaoyun’s upcoming marriage, I recalled the first blind date I ever had—she was the one. She was indeed a down-to-earth girl, but I was an unsettled man. Our brief relationship quietly ended amidst the mixture of calmness and restlessness. Now she has found happiness first, and I couldn’t help but reflect on myself. Yet no matter how much I thought about it, I could only admit that I had never truly fallen in love with her. There was just a momentary attraction, which was pale and powerless on the long journey of life. Such a fleeting feeling couldn’t support a lifelong relationship. Therefore, although I felt a bit disappointed, I wasn’t regretful. If I ever had the good fortune to meet Li Xiaoyun again, I would sincerely wish her happiness in her upcoming marriage!
Finally, I smiled and said to my father, “Marriage is a joyful thing. It’s great news!”
“What about you? Are you going to keep drifting like this?”
“I’ll also try to get married soon, so you and Mom won’t have to wait too long… Oh, by the way, Dad, here’s 80,000 yuan in savings. Please keep it for me.” I said, taking a bankbook from my briefcase and handing it to him.
My father didn’t take the bankbook from me. Looking at me with a tone almost pleading, he said, “Buy a house in Xuzhou. It will give your mother peace of mind… Seeing how unhappy she is these days, it really troubles me!”
I lowered my head and finally said to my father after a long pause, “You can take this 80,000 yuan first. Later, I’ll send more money from the company to you. You can look around the neighborhood near our home and buy a house you like.”
My father nodded and said, “I’ll take this 80,000 yuan. Don’t take more money from the company. Your mother and I still have some savings. We’ll cover the down payment shortfall… We can’t control where you build your career, but having a house in Xuzhou will give your mother and me peace of mind.”
“I’ll gradually shift the focus of my career to Xuzhou. I’ll visit you more often when I have time. It would be even better if I could eventually settle down there.”
“If you really think this way, I’ll be at ease!”
……
At night, I brought my father to my place, tucked him in, and waited until he fell asleep. Then, unable to sleep myself, I stood alone on the snow-covered balcony, reflecting on all the experiences of the past year or so. It seemed as if I had stood at several crossroads of fate multiple times, making decisions whose correctness I couldn’t be sure of…
I thought again of that woman who had once been engaged to me but was now about to become someone else’s bride… I found that at this quiet hour of the night, my wishes for her happiness were mixed with some indescribable emotions. But indeed, we had missed each other because of our choices, and this was a kind of missed opportunity with nothing more to be said.
Putting on a coat, I quietly closed the door behind me. I wanted to take a walk on the snow-covered streets nearby. Actually, I felt somewhat lost about my future. Setting aside my personal life, I couldn’t even predict how the company, Lukui, would eventually develop. But I had a strong intuition that this company, overly dependent on external resources, lacked internal vitality. This would be the biggest hidden danger in future operations, and it was bound to erupt one day. Whether or not I could control it afterward was anyone’s guess.
Walking along, I came to a nearby food stall, bought a roasted sweet potato and a serving of oden, and treated them as my late-night snack, eating as I walked. Soon I walked from a small alley onto a wide street when, quite coincidentally, I ran into Jian Wei and Xiang Chen. They had just come out of a hotel, seemingly having attended some business cocktail party.
They walked toward me. Before I could approach them, I was hit by a snowball from two mischievous kids playing in the snow. The flying snowball hit the oden I was holding, spilling the contents all over the ground and staining my clothes with broth. The two kids, oblivious to my mess, made faces and then ran off like rabbits in the snow.
Jian Wei and Xiang Chen approached me. Xiang Chen smiled and said, “What a coincidence, Zhaoyang! Didn’t expect to run into you here!”
“I live nearby. I came out for a walk while it was snowing.”
Xiang Chen handed me a cigarette, seemingly ready for a casual chat. After lighting it, he said, “A client invited me to a business cocktail party, so I brought Jian Wei along.”
“Oh,” I responded, then lit the cigarette in my hand. At that moment, Jian Wei took out a tissue from her handbag and handed it to me, indicating I should wipe off the stains on my clothes.
I hesitated for a moment before taking it from her hand, and without remembering to say “thank you,” I began wiping. After finishing, I casually threw the tissue onto the snowy ground. But Jian Wei picked it up, wrapped the scattered oden pieces on the ground with it, and without minding the trouble, walked toward a trash can dozens of meters away.
After a brief silence, Xiang Chen asked me, “Have you been in touch with Fangyuan lately? It’s been a long time since we last got together.”
“I met him this afternoon, but he’s been busy with the Christmas event at Zhuomei lately. Probably no time for a gathering.”
Xiang Chen nodded. After taking a puff of his cigarette, he asked again, “I heard that Zhuomei’s investors are planning to completely withdraw their funding?”
“There is indeed such a matter.”
“Wow, that must be quite a blow to Zhuomei!”
As we were talking, Jian Wei had already thrown the things into the trash can. She said to Xiang Chen, “You’ve had quite a bit to drink, and it’s getting late. Let me take you back…”
Xiang Chen was still obedient to Jian Wei. After gesturing to me to keep in touch, he walked toward the car parked by the roadside, supported by Jian Wei. I stood in the snowfall, watching their retreating figures, lost in thought for a long time…
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