I can no longer remember exactly how many times Leyao has compared me to Cao Jinfie, although I understand her motives. Still, I dislike such comparisons—not because of differences in status, but instinctively. Despite this, I remained silent, lighting the cigarette Leyao had placed in my mouth, puffing quietly with only the rhythmic “puff, puff” sounds for company.
The snow had not yet melted, and more flakes began to drift from the sky. This winter, Suzhou had been especially blessed with snowfall. In my memory, it had been many years since we’d seen such frequent snow, and although it disrupted traffic, it brought with it beautiful scenery.
I cupped my hands around my mouth to shield against the cold wind and attempted a difficult smoke ring. It rose briefly before vanishing into the air. I didn’t give up, continuing to blow more rings until my mouth was empty of smoke. Finally, one stubborn ring maintained its shape, spinning upward into the sky. A few snowflakes passed through it before vanishing again… but that was enough. I had never seen such a surreal scene before, and now I had created one myself. As the smoke and snow mingled, it was ethereal—so ethereal.
I turned my head to look at Leyao beside me. She was holding a phone, having captured the moment snowflakes fell into the smoke ring. She said, “Only an old chain smoker like you could pull something like this off… I bet if I showed this picture to others, they’d think it was Photoshopped.”
I leaned over to look. The smoke ring frozen in the image on Leyao’s phone appeared pale and slightly yellowed under the snow and lights—looking just like a digital edit. Unreal, yet beautiful.
Leyao asked me, “Do you want it? If so, I’ll send you a copy. After all, you deserve half the credit.”
“Send it over. I’ll set it as my phone wallpaper. I really have to admire myself—every little move is art… hahaha!”
“You’re such a narcissistic bastard!” Leyao scolded me while sending the picture through WeChat.
When I received the image, I happily replaced my old wallpaper with it, admiring it repeatedly. When I finally looked up, I noticed the air was filled with the scent of romance. A couple wearing matching hoodies was kissing passionately not far away, completely lost in their embrace. The girl had even started to moan softly.
While secretly envying their passion, I muttered, “Damn… is this really the season for love?”
Leyao replied, “No, but who wants to be alone on a snowy night like this… Don’t you think loneliness is shameful at times like this?”
Since no train was passing by, the place was unusually quiet. The man seemed to have heard me and let go of the girl who was still catching her breath. He said, “Hey man, this really is a great spot—it beats those fancy Western restaurants for romance. You and the girl beside you should do something too. We don’t mind. Don’t waste such a beautiful night… The lady just said loneliness is shameful, right… hahaha!” With that, he pulled the girl into another passionate kiss. This time, his hands started wandering, prompting the girl to moan again while pushing his hands away, probably because of the cold. Honestly, just kissing was enough—touching was unnecessary and certainly not romantic!
I couldn’t help but admire the man’s boldness, but I was destined not to enjoy such romance. Leyao wasn’t my girl, so I would just remain a lonely and perhaps shameful person on this snowy night.
A train began accelerating toward us from the station, its lights tearing through the darkness while the gusts it created made the snow swirl even more wildly. I smiled faintly, preparing to light another cigarette and imagining that Mi Cai was with me now.
Suddenly, I heard heavy breathing, and then a pair of lips—half warm, half cold—pressed against mine. A fragrant tongue slipped into my mouth. I felt dizzy and overwhelmed, as the long-suppressed primal desire within me surged wildly in this snowy night. Her soft moans created a strange sense of pleasure inside me… I felt like I was going crazy!
“Hey man, awesome!” I heard the man’s voice again, and only then did I realize that on this snowy night, I had unexpectedly said goodbye to my shameful loneliness and joined their ranks.
I pushed Leyao away, both of us panting heavily. The man and his kissing partner approached us. Leyao quickly leaned over my lap to hide her face from them, but the man mistook her gesture for shyness and chuckled at her retreating figure… completely unaware that if a photographer had captured our passionate kiss just now, it would probably stir a huge scandal.
The man said to me, “Hey man, what a coincidence! I know a couple-themed hotel nearby that’s having a promotion—80% off for couples, and 70% off if two couples go together. Let’s form a group and check in together!”
I stared at him in disbelief. It was the first time I’d ever heard of forming a group to book hotel rooms. After a pause, I replied, “Actually… we’re not really a couple.”
“Oh wow, even better! So we’re all in the same boat then… We’re not a couple either—we just met in a bar earlier and hit it off instantly. We came here to get romantic, and now it’s time for the real deal.”
Leyao, still leaning over my lap, snapped, “Screw off! Who wants to be in the same boat as you! You’re just a scumbag playing the one-night stand game!”
The man looked puzzled for a moment, then laughed, “Well, since we’re all lonely tonight, I won’t hold it against you, miss… So, bro, are you really not coming?”
I shook my head. Without further ado, the man turned around casually, pulling the equally bold girl with him toward the bustling crowd. I vaguely heard the girl say to him, “Earlier, I caught a glimpse of that woman’s profile. She looked like that movie star… Hmm! Isn’t she supposed to marry Cao Jinfie, that rich second-generation guy?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. If she’s a celebrity, then you’re Audrey Hepburn.”
“Hmm… Maybe I was mistaken. What are the odds of something that coincidental…!!”
The couple disappeared into the crowd, their footsteps leaving clear tracks in the snow, proving they had indeed been here, making this snowy night so dramatic. If it hadn’t been for their teasing, I probably wouldn’t have done something so reckless with Leyao… I felt a sense of guilt.
When Leyao finally felt the couple had gone far enough, she lifted her head, tidied her disheveled hair, and teased, “Shall we go check in too? Group discount of 70%!”
I lit another cigarette, saying nothing…
Leyao softened her tone, “I’m sorry. I just thought loneliness was too shameful, so I lost control for a moment… You must’ve kissed countless women like this, right? So don’t take it seriously. Pretend it was just a dream… Otherwise, I’ll feel guilty too!”
“I understand…”
“Yeah, it was just a dream… Phew!… I’m leaving first.” Leyao said, taking off the scarf wrapped around me and wrapping it around her face. She followed the footprints left by the couple toward the bustling crowd. Yet I felt that, in this snowy night, being alone was shameful—but not being alone felt even more so… Perhaps treating it all as a dream would make it feel more real…
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