After I informed Mi Cai about the marriage of Luo Ben and Wei Manwen, she fell into silence, and I wasn’t sure whether I should remind her to call Luo Ben sometime to wish them happiness, as they were friends, albeit with some minor misunderstandings.
Finally, Mi Cai said, “Couples in love should eventually be united in marriage. I should be happy for them.”
I didn’t want to dwell too deeply on Mi Cai’s words, so I simply replied, “Then why don’t you call Luo Ben to extend your congratulations? Their wedding will be on New Year’s Day, and you probably won’t be able to come back in time.”
“Okay… Please take good care of CC and don’t let her drink so much again.”
“How should I persuade her?”
“She’s a woman with strong independence. Whether I persuade her or not won’t make much difference. The key is when she can figure things out for herself. Maybe she already has, which is why she drinks so recklessly, using this extreme method to say goodbye to a love that was never meant to be.”
“I hope so,” I said simply, thinking that perhaps Mi Cai understood CC better, or maybe she was projecting her own way of dealing with similar situations onto CC. But I preferred to believe the former.
I heard the sound of Mi Cai opening a window on the other end of the line, followed by the howling wind. I listened carefully and could even hear her breathing. Finally, she said, “Zhaoyang, it’s snowing in New York… The streets are full of people with umbrellas and scarves. The branches on the trees are almost broken under the weight of the snow!”
My mind suddenly became very clear. I knew why she said that. Because umbrellas and scarves symbolize protection, and these two items had appeared most conspicuously in her vision, indicating that she felt very insecure. She unconsciously compared herself to the branches about to break under the snow… I was convinced I wasn’t wrong this time, and she wasn’t intentionally complaining, just instinctively saying these things.
I softly asked her, “Are you very tired now?”
Mi Cai didn’t answer but said, “I’m listening to our duet ‘Snowman.’ Your voice is so warm!”
“You really need a hug right now, don’t you?”
Mi Cai was silent for a long time, then laughed slightly and said, “I’m okay… I’ve been living alone overseas for so many years. I can overcome anything, but… I just miss you a little!”
My heart trembled, but I stared blankly out the window at the gradually dimming streetlights… Wishing desperately that it would snow here too, so even though our bodies couldn’t be close, we could still share the same longing in the colorful snowfall.
“Why aren’t you speaking? Don’t you like it when I miss you?”
In Mi Cai’s words, I sensed her fragile sensitivity at this moment and quickly replied, “Because I miss you too… I hope it will snow heavily in Suzhou too, so we can see the same scenery.”
Mi Cai remained silent for a long time… Perhaps she was quietly crying, or perhaps she was thinking again about how lonely she had been all these years, and about her father who had never properly accompanied her, because the falling snow always brings back too many memories.
Finally, I said to her, “Do you believe?… After getting through this period, our future days will all be filled with sunshine. There are many surprises in life waiting for us. Just think, if one day you become a mother, will you still care about all the messy things at work? By then, it will be a completely new mindset and a new beginning!”
“You always paint a future for me like this!” Mi Cai seemed to be scolding me, but there was a slight hint of quiet joy in her tone.
“Because I know you like this future. Although others regard you as the lofty CEO Mi, in my eyes, you’re just my girlfriend and the mother of my child… Haha!”
I laughed too loudly, startling CC awake, who then looked at me in confusion as I was on the phone…
I quickly said to Mi Cai on the phone, “CC has woken up. It looks like she’s going to vomit again. I’ll talk to you later…”
“Okay, then take good care of her!”
“Of course, and take care of yourself too. It’s snowing, so it must be very cold!”
Mi Cai acknowledged, and I hurriedly hung up the phone, rushing to CC’s bedside, helping her sit up from the bed, and handing her the laundry basin to vomit into…
Besides the milk she had just drunk, CC couldn’t vomit anything else. She just dry-heaved, then painfully coughed, but didn’t say a word about being upset. I knew her consciousness had finally cleared, and she had once again instinctively put on that protective layer, making others think she was so strong, but this instinctive behavior was so unnecessary, because her sadness had already been absorbed into her blood along with the alcohol she had consumed. So she was nothing more than a woman who liked to deceive herself!
CC finally stopped vomiting. I pulled out a tissue and handed it to her, then gave her a cup of mouthwash, but CC was already able to take care of herself without my help, cleaning herself up independently, then leaning weakly against the bed and saying to me, “Give me a cigarette. I want to smoke.”
“Wait, I’ll go wash the basin first… Otherwise, the smell of alcohol is too strong.”
“Give me the cigarette, quickly.”
I ignored her and took the laundry basin to the bathroom, then washed the towel with hot water before returning to the room, only to find that CC had already lit a cigarette herself, puffing on it with a desolate expression.
I sighed deeply, took out the hot towel, and prepared to put it on her, but she shook her head and said, “No need, I’m fine now that I’m awake!”
“Are you sure your head doesn’t hurt anymore?”
CC didn’t directly answer me but said, “Thanks for troubling you tonight. You should go back and rest now. I can handle myself.”
“I’m not worried. It’s okay, I’ll stay here and chat with you for a while. It’s too cold outside, and I don’t want to go out.”
“Whatever you want, but there’s really nothing to talk about.”
I casually said, “Yeah, you’ve put yourself in this state. What else is there to say… I used to think you had already let go.”
CC’s expression was full of self-mockery, “I thought I had let go too, especially after returning from Nepal… But love is a poison attached to the bones. In this life, I will never find a man who can replace Luo Ben!”
I looked at her, feeling a kind of indescribable sadness in my heart. She was too stubborn, but Luo Ben, immersed in the joy of marriage, could offer her nothing but pain. I used the words Le Yao had said to comfort her, “Only by accepting the past can you give yourself a future… Why not free yourself and give yourself a little hope?”
CC painfully ran her hands over her face, and after a long time, she answered, “I don’t know… I don’t want to know. But you understand, besides wishing them happiness, I won’t do anything to break them apart. Then all the pain is mine. As long as I don’t hurt anyone, can’t I freely enjoy my own pain?”
I gave CC a thumbs-up and said, “CC, you’re really amazing… To be able to treat pain as enjoyment. What kind of state has love reduced you to? Or maybe your realm is too high, and we ordinary people who eat grains just don’t understand!”
“There’s no one who understands more than you…”
Before CC finished speaking, I thought of the scene where Jian Wei accepted Xiang Chen’s proposal at Fang Yuan and Yan Yan’s wedding. My heart suddenly ached, remembering how crazily I had gotten drunk that afternoon, and how I had talked nonsense to Mi Cai, who had come to take care of me by the riverbank… Isn’t CC experiencing exactly what I once went through? It seemed that back then, I could only survive by treating pain as enjoyment… I just didn’t know whether CC would be as lucky as me, meeting someone like Mi Cai again, who could make her heart beat once more.
As my thoughts continued to wander, I recalled again how many times CC had mentioned that man who had left 100,000 yuan for Kongchengli. CC said that besides Luo Ben, only that man could make her fall in love again. But who exactly was that man among the vast sea of people?… I had a hunch that there was no need to search through the crowd. It seemed he had always been around us, guarding the restaurant Kongchengli…
So, in order not to make CC too sad, I said, “CC, do you believe that the man who left 100,000 yuan for Kongchengli has always been around us?”
CC was successfully distracted, the pain on her face slightly easing as she thought and then said, “I have that feeling too…!”
“Yeah, I find it hard to believe this coincidence. Why did he just happen to show up on the very last night when Kongchengli was about to close down, instead of two days earlier?”
CC nodded, and I asked again, “Tell me, do you want to find that man?… Once you find him, can you keep your promise, forget Luo Ben, and start a new life?”
CC finally smiled slightly, “Of course I want to find him… But whether I’ll marry him or not, I’ll have to wait until I find him to decide. Maybe she’s actually a woman… I can’t marry a woman, that would be so confusing!!”
This was a temporary distraction to make CC feel less pain. I nodded and said, “Okay then, let’s find him (or her) first, and then you can decide whether to marry him…”
“If he’s a man, I’ll definitely marry him quickly, as long as he’s willing to marry me…”
“He will definitely marry you, and I can be certain he’s a man who deeply admires you. Otherwise, who would be so generous as to spend 100,000 yuan to save a restaurant like Kongchengli!!… CC, believe me, you’re really a very charming woman who can deeply captivate men!”
CC shook her head, giving a helpless bitter smile. After a while, she finally asked me, “Let’s stop guessing about these things. Get to the point, how can we find him… After so many years have passed!”
“I have a way to find him, if he’s really someone who often appears at Kongchengli and cares about the people there!”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage