At the hotel, I only managed to catch a short nap before waking up to the urging sound of the alarm clock. I opened my eyes, blurred vision scanning the hotel room, everything feeling so unfamiliar. For a moment, I couldn’t even recall where I was, and all I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and sleep a little longer to feel better—I was so desperately sleep-deprived.
I sat on the bed groggily for quite some time before finally getting up and splashing cold water on my face in the bathroom, trying to wake myself up a bit. Then I dragged my suitcase to the front desk to check out.
Standing outside the hotel, a gust of cold wind blew through, carrying dust that made it hard for me to keep my eyes open. I turned my head and walked toward the bus stop to wait for a taxi. However, it was rush hour, and despite waiting for a long time, I couldn’t hail an empty cab, which made me increasingly anxious.
Suddenly, a car horn sounded near me. I turned and saw my mom roll down the window, waving at me. I ran up to the car, put my suitcase in the trunk, and sat in the back seat.
Bafd, focused on driving, didn’t speak immediately. I asked my mom, “Mom, why are you guys coming to this side of the train station?”
“To buy some vegetables at the market, and we happened to pass by.”
While my mom was speaking, I deliberately observed her expression. She showed no emotion at all, but that itself was already a kind of emotional expression. She was upset but didn’t want to confront me, so she restrained herself, resulting in this blank expression. Despite this, I still felt a deep sense of guilt from the bottom of my heart. I certainly knew what she was thinking at this moment, and what kind of regret she had… If it weren’t for my insistence on leaving back then, I would have been the groom today. Perhaps we wouldn’t even have had to wait until today—we could have gotten married half a year ago.
…
We didn’t detour home on the way. Bafd drove directly to Lixiaoyun’s house, dropped me and my mom off, and then drove to the groom’s house. The new Passat that I had helped him buy recently would join the groom’s wedding procession. Bafd said doing so could bring me a bit of good luck, not because he was greedy for the reward of a premium cigarette given for joining the procession.
I forced a smile and watched him drive away…
Actually, at the beginning of my breakup with Lixiaoyun, there was some awkwardness between our two families. But as time passed and Lixiaoyun and her mom often came to our house to play mahjong, the awkwardness gradually faded. Our families even grew closer. My mom genuinely liked Lixiaoyun and had come to see her as her own daughter, so naturally our family was invited to attend her wedding.
With our families becoming even closer, I actually no longer felt like I had once been in a romantic relationship with Lixiaoyun. It felt more like I had simply made a friend. The most intimate gestures we had shared under the guise of love were just holding hands or hugging in the simplest way.
Following my mom into the elevator, we soon arrived at Lixiaoyun’s doorstep. The door was already open, and inside there were already many relatives of Lixiaoyun’s gathered. My mom was very familiar with them and chatted casually, while I was left on my own.
I took a piece of candy from the fruit tray, unwrapped it, and put it in my mouth. Then I started looking around until my gaze landed on Lixiaoyun’s room. My feet subconsciously walked toward it. I peeked inside and saw Lixiaoyun sitting in front of the dressing table in her wedding dress, flanked by her two best friends.
I tapped my fingers on the already open door and called out to her, “Lixiaoyun… Lixiaoyun.”
She turned around and looked at me.
I asked again, “Can I come in and sit for a while?”
Before Lixiaoyun could answer, one of her friends said, “This is the room of a bride about to get married. What are you, a grown man, doing coming in here!”
I’ve always had a thick skin and smiled, “There’s no one familiar outside, so I came in to chat with you guys. You looked pretty bored anyway.” Afraid they might refuse, I added, “Isn’t that guy helping Xiaoyun with her hairstyle a man too!”
Lixiaoyun smiled and said to me, “Come in and sit down. We are indeed a bit bored… Just don’t smoke, okay?”
“No smoking, of course.” I said as I walked into the room and sat down next to one of her friends, joining their casual chatter.
During the conversation, I handed Lixiaoyun the gift I had prepared in advance and said with a smile, “This is my wedding gift for you both. Please accept it, and also accept it on behalf of your husband-to-be.”
“Thank you.” Lixiaoyun took the beautifully wrapped gift bag from my hands.
Her friends were very curious about what gift I had brought and urged Lixiaoyun to open it. Lixiaoyun asked me if it was okay to open the gift now. I told her that the gift already belonged to her and that she could open it whenever she wanted according to her own wishes.
Lixiaoyun unwrapped the gift, and immediately her friends gasped in surprise, “Oh my god, this S.T. Dupont Ligne2 series lighter—we saw it in the store with my husband. It costs 30,000 RMB. My husband hesitated for years and still couldn’t bring himself to buy it. Your friend really splurges! He truly deserves to be called a bold and generous guy from Xuzhou!”
Another friend countered, “Anyone can buy it if they have money… The key is that he doesn’t lack RMB. I bet the perfume he gave Xiaoyun isn’t ordinary either!”
Lixiaoyun’s face, however, no longer wore a smile. She looked at me with a complicated expression. After a long pause, she said, “Zhaoyang, why did you have to spend so much? A gift only needs to carry heartfelt intentions!”
“This is exactly my heartfelt intention. Why talk about spending so much? Since I still have some money now, I naturally want to give a gift that satisfies myself.”
Lixiaoyun suddenly handed the gift she had just received to her two friends, saying, “You said your husband has always wanted this lighter. It’s yours now… Xiaojia, you take this perfume.”
Her two friends were slightly taken aback. After a bit of polite refusal, they happily accepted my gift for Lixiaoyun, and their attitude toward me immediately changed, becoming overly friendly in a way that made me uncomfortable. I felt awkward and looked at Lixiaoyun, dressed in her white wedding gown, but she had already turned away, asking the stylist to loosen her bun a bit.
I finally had the sense to leave her room and went alone to stand on the balcony, watching the slowly approaching wedding convoy… The sound of celebratory firecrackers reached my ears. Lixiaoyun was about to leave the family that raised her. From this moment on, she would officially become someone’s wife… Her life had become complete!
I searched through the convoy for Bafd’s car. It was positioned behind a few luxury cars, somewhat inconspicuous. I couldn’t help but feel worried for Bafd—and for myself too—afraid that we might not receive enough good fortune from the wedding procession… And I really wanted to settle down and start a family. Otherwise, attending other people’s weddings felt so lonely. Even after I had put thought into selecting a gift, I still wasn’t truly welcomed… In a daze, I thought again of being rejected at Leyao’s wedding… which filled me with a sense of defeat and made me question who exactly I was. Why, despite my repeated efforts, was I always misunderstood, rejected, looked down upon, and denied by life…!
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage