After a six-hour journey, the train that Mi Cai and I were on finally arrived in Suzhou. By then, night had already covered this vast city, appearing dark and empty. However, when people carrying or dragging their luggage poured out of the station, the emptiness of the night was filled with haste and the scent of human presence.
Mi Cai and I had almost no luggage, so we held hands and walked easily through the crowd towards the exit, eventually stopping at the square while Mi Cai answered a phone call and I waited on the other side.
Five minutes later, she ended the call and said, “I need to go to Zhuo Mei now. Why don’t you go back and rest for a while?”
“Still time for a meal together?”
Mi Cai checked the time, then shook her head, “I need to get there within half an hour. I’ll try to finish quickly and then call you.”
“Alright, I also need to go to the company to deal with some accumulated matters from these past couple of days.”
Mi Cai nodded, then walked towards the taxi waiting area. I kept watching her back until the taxi carrying her completely disappeared from my sight.
In that moment of melancholy, I realized just how attached I was to her. Perhaps in the future, whether the separation is real or merely existing in my imagination, thinking about it now still causes my heart to ache with a tearing pain. Therefore, to protect myself, I would do anything to always keep her by my side, give her happiness with all my might, and make her as dependent on me as I am on her.
The ash on the cigarette gradually fell off, so I walked towards a nearby trash can and put out the cigarette there. Through the crowd, I caught sight of the railing in the distance where I once shared a passionate kiss with Le Yao… I felt a bit uneasy!
That snowy night has remained vivid in my mind, though I don’t often recall it. I’ve always believed it wasn’t a mistake, but rather an involuntary farewell. We had truly lost all connection, although we remained in each other’s contact lists. Yet there is a kind of emotion that is born destined to be forgotten. During our years of interaction, Le Yao and I had always been heading toward this fate, finally reaching the end marked by her marriage, each going our separate ways, forgetting, and occasionally reminiscing.
Still, I would deeply wish her happiness, though now in a more silent way.
Perhaps I had been thinking too much while remaining still, and the cold wind of the winter night made me somewhat uncomfortable. Instinctively, I pulled out from my collar the necklace Mi Cai had given me, known as the “sailing ship breaking waves.” Though I knew it was just psychological, I still felt a warm current surge inside me, as if she were in my arms, close to my heart, giving me warmth. This feeling was subtle yet fulfilling… It had been so long since I last felt this way.
…
I left the train station without stopping and went straight to the company, as attending Li Xiaoyun’s wedding had already delayed a lot of my work. Especially now that the company was finally on track, there were endless tasks to handle every day. I wouldn’t be surprised if, once I got into work mode, it would be Mi Cai who returned first to wait for me in that old house. As for me, I had already lost much of the time I could freely control.
Opening my email, I browsed through various application reports, noting down points that needed adjustments in some planning proposals, preparing to coordinate solutions with various departments the next day. Time passed quickly like this. When I came back to my senses, it was already 9 p.m., yet I still hadn’t received a call from Mi Cai. I suppose the matters she needed to handle were no fewer than mine.
I brewed a cup of hot tea and stood by the floor-to-ceiling window, planning to relax my tense nerves. As usual, I still liked to look in the direction of one o’clock across the way because there was a residential building where I could see many warm scenes: some children would do their homework on tables by the windowsill, and some virtuous wives would prepare hot soup for their hardworking husbands. At one time, I felt these scenes were far from me, but now I finally sensed a closeness. Perhaps not long from now, I would have a legitimate wife and a complete family.
I took a sip from the teacup and continued gazing…
Suddenly the door opened, and instinctively I thought the person was the usual unaccustomed-to-knocking Jian Wei. But when I turned around, it was Luo Ben, pulling Ya Tou behind me.
I asked Luo Ben, “What brings you here?”
“Just passing by and saw your office light still on, so I came up to chat.” Luo Ben said, sitting down on the sofa. Ya Tou stood timidly by his side, probably out of fear of Luo Ben. At that moment, Luo Ben’s mood seemed pretty bad, his face looking very grim.
Looking at Ya Tou’s messy hair, I asked, “Ya Tou, didn’t you braid your hair today?”
Ya Tou answered softly, “Teacher Wei went back to the small village, no one did my hair.”
Instantly, I could associate Luo Ben’s irritability with its source. Not wanting Ya Tou to hear our adult troubles and confusion, I called my assistant and asked her to take Ya Tou to her office to braid her hair properly.
…
Only Luo Ben and I remained in the office. I tossed him a cigarette and asked cautiously, “Why did Teacher Wei suddenly go back to that small village?”
Luo Ben had always been straightforward. After taking a deep puff of the cigarette, he replied, “Her former fiancé had an accident and broke his leg, quite seriously, needing surgery. She went to see him…”
Luo Ben referring to Zhou Hang as the former fiancé of Wei Manwen made me instantly sense his emotions. At this moment, he should be filled with anxiety and a sense of crisis. Perhaps Wei Manwen had already confessed to him the thoughts she had been hiding all along.
I asked, “Why didn’t you go with her?”
“He said Zhou Hang’s emotions are unstable now, she doesn’t want to add to his burden…” Luo Ben said, his face showing pain. He took another deep puff of the cigarette before continuing, “I’ve been in debt to her my whole life… No matter what choice she makes, I will respect and support her!”
“Please don’t say such sad words… Keep trying, after all, you and Teacher Wei have been through so much to be together… Also, CC is gone now, completely in the past. If Teacher Wei leaves you too, who else can you spend the rest of your life with based on love?”
Perhaps the crisis had already existed in Luo Ben’s heart. He painfully covered his head with both hands, and smoke rising through his fingers dyed them yellow.
Seeing him silently suffering, I didn’t know what else to say. Their love affair was no longer something bystanders could interfere with, because their attitudes toward their relationship had already transcended the usual social norms.
At that moment, someone knocked on the office door. After getting my nod, the door opened. This time, it was Mi Cai standing in front of me. She was holding a thermos container. Ignoring the anxious Luo Ben, she came to me and said, “I bought you some sand pear soup from the restaurant just now. It’s good for your lungs. Have it while it’s still hot,” and helped me pour a bowl.
Luo Ben raised his head and said to Mi Cai, “Give me a bowl too… My lungs feel bad!”
Still holding a grudge against Luo Ben because of CC’s departure, Mi Cai coldly replied, “You’ve got all your limbs, so serve yourself.”
Luo Ben sighed heavily, approached Mi Cai, took the ladle from her hand, and with a bitter face, poured himself a bowl too… But I didn’t feel the least bit amused by his embarrassment. In that moment, I saw the painful decision in his heart and his preparedness for the worst-case scenario.
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