In the sauna room, wrapped in a towel and enduring the high temperature, I sat together with Ban Die. As I lowered my head, sweat dripped down from my nostrils. This wasn’t enjoyable for me, but Ban Die really liked it, closing his eyes and enjoying the heat.
I waited patiently. After a while, Ban Die finally spoke to me, “You choosing to live in Xuzhou makes both your mother and me very happy, but we’re also worried that Xiaomi might find it hard to adapt to life here.”
“Ban Die, you probably don’t know that actually it was Xiaomi’s idea to come back to Xuzhou. You know she’s always been quite rational. Since she decided to come back with me, she must have already been well-prepared mentally, so you and Mom don’t need to worry about this at all.”
“There will still be some sense of disparity.”
I didn’t immediately respond to Ban Die’s words. Subconsciously, I recalled Xiaomi’s past and present. Perhaps she would feel some sense of loss, but it should be something she can overcome. I could only hope she could overcome it because right now, I really couldn’t afford to provide her with the lifestyle she had before or prepare those luxuries that highlight a woman’s value.
And in my subconscious, she seemed to not need those impractical female luxuries. She was the kind of woman who could make cheap clothes look high-end, and this wasn’t an exaggeration. Her beauty didn’t just come from her appearance but also from her inner qualities and strength.
I finally said to Ban Die, “The sense of disparity is only temporary… She came to Xuzhou with a purpose. In the future, when life becomes fulfilling, she won’t think too much about the days she spent in Suzhou anymore.”
“What about you? Did you also come back with a purpose?”
“I… I was just going to talk to you about this. This time returning to Xuzhou, I plan to open a cafe, at least to manage it for now, which can ensure our livelihood.”
Ban Die removed the towel covering his face and looked at me with a frown…
I hadn’t expected Ban Die’s reaction and asked in confusion, “You don’t support my opening a cafe?”
“Zhaoyang, either you find a proper job or you do something like you used to. Your current choice is wasting your life. Do you know that?”
“I’m wasting my life?”
Ban Die’s expression became even more serious, “Xuzhou isn’t a small city. If you want to achieve something here, there’s still an opportunity… I find it hard to agree with you opening a cafe. You should think it over again. Don’t always stick to your own perception, talking about hobbies and style, and rejecting what you should do.”
“Ban Die, I don’t quite understand what you’re saying… I open a cafe, manage it well, and can earn hundreds of thousands a year. There’s absolutely no problem in ensuring our livelihood. How can this be considered wasting my life?… Opening a cafe also requires capital and effort!”
“Zhaoyang, your life doesn’t entirely depend on yourself. You need to build enough confidence… Let me tell you one thing, which you must keep in mind: only after you gain something can you hold onto it! Think about it carefully yourself, what you should gain and what you need to hold onto.”
“Is life really that complicated?… Just look at Xiaoyun and Wang Zheng, the two of them. They’re simple and ordinary, but I think their life is quite good… Besides, you didn’t use to teach me like this, right? I really don’t quite understand what you’re saying today!”
Ban Die seemed to have become a designer, unceasingly designing my life, saying, “I’m not trying to deny Xiaoyun and Wang Zheng as a couple. Their family background and growth experiences are inherently ordinary, and their current life corresponds exactly to this ordinariness, which is correct… Now look at Xiaomi. You should seriously ask yourself whether you’ve truly established the corresponding confidence to live with her…”
“This…” I felt somewhat oppressed.
Ban Die continued earnestly, “I hope between you and Xiaomi, there must be one person who is clear-headed… Xiaomi has gone through such a big change. At this moment, it’s hard to say she’s rational, so I require you to stay clear-headed and figure out how to find the balance between the two of you. Otherwise, you’ll just end up walking the same old path again.”
I felt even more oppressed because I found it hard to have the talent to do what Ban Die was saying, but it also seemed to make sense! Because he usually didn’t like to express himself, but had already expressed too much to me in this short time. His excessive rationality often stemmed from his correct judgment of the development of things… For example, he had been a deputy section chief in a state-owned enterprise for more than ten years, which was a far-sighted and correct judgment. He had lived worry-free all his life, never having to live in fear, and I had personally experienced those times when his superiors came to our house for drinks and envied him for his calm and open life.
Seeing my expression was heavy but I didn’t respond, he spoke again, “I also want to talk about you, Zhaoyang. Since you were little, you’ve always been too emotional and rebellious. Starting from high school, you got tattoos, smoked, and ran to bars with your guitar. Your mother and I saw this but didn’t want to discipline you because we couldn’t control you. This is your nature…”
I argued, “But is being emotional a bad thing?… I did smoke, get tattoos, and go to bars, but to not disappoint you, I also got into a pretty good university!”
“This is exactly the contradictory part of you, and also the part that makes it hard for us to discipline you… Emotionality isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but rational people often have the ability to change the development of things, while emotional people can only change themselves according to the development of things. There’s a big difference between the two… You haven’t seen through this difference yet!”
Suddenly, because of Ban Die’s words, I thought of Fangyuan. He was a representative of rationality, so he skillfully controlled Zhuo Mei and got everything he wanted. As for me, I had been through various unexpected events, gaining and losing, and changed myself to the point of feeling unfamiliar with who I had become!
I seemed to be fragmented, never having a central idea to support my life… This was completely different from Fangyuan, but why did Miyao say that deep down I had similarities with Fangyuan?… I was confused at this moment, not knowing how to judge myself or how to absorb Ban Die’s advice to me.
That night, Ban Die didn’t put too much pressure on me, but I knew this wouldn’t be the end of his warnings. Indeed, I needed some space to digest what he had said to me today.
…
Back at the residence, the room had already been tidied up by my mother, and only Miyao and I were there. She was doing her skincare routine in front of the dressing table, while I sat cross-legged on the bed meditating. I had a premonition that life back in Xuzhou wouldn’t be as simple as we had imagined, and everything that happened in Suzhou wasn’t the end either…
After Miyao finished organizing her skincare products, she asked me with a sense of relief, “Zhaoyang, do you have a detailed plan for opening the cafe?”
Opening the cafe was something I had to do, so I didn’t plan to tell her about Ban Die’s disapproval. I replied, “Not a detailed plan yet, but Lukui has successfully operated so many unique cafes. These successful experiences give me confidence that I can create a successful cafe in Xuzhou without relying on any platform.”
Miyao nodded trustingly…
I then asked her, “What did you and my mom talk about tonight?”
“Uh… Not much. She mentioned some things about playing Mahjong, which I couldn’t quite understand… However, she said she would take me to get familiar with Xuzhou tomorrow morning and also buy some vegetables.”
I smiled and said, “I think you can learn to play Mahjong to please her. With your intelligence level, winning some pocket money at the Mahjong table in the future will be a piece of cake!”
“Zhaoyang, are you joking with me?”
“There’s some joking, but small gambling can be pleasant. Learning to play Mahjong well and using it to kill time in the future isn’t bad either.”
“I think we should talk about your cafe now… How much are you planning to invest, the scale and direction of the business, the location of the shop, the selection of target consumers, and cost control. You must have roughly thought about these, right?”
I immediately threw a rather tricky question to Miyao, “Do you think the investment budget should be determined by the shop’s location, or should the shop’s location be determined by the investment budget?”
“I think it depends on how much money you have for investment. That’s the premise of everything.”
“Yeah, how much money do I actually have for investment?” I said, jumping off the bed and pulling a chair to sit beside Miyao.
Miyao seriously took out her wallet from her handbag, then pulled out her bank card and calculated a clear account for me. The result was that we only had a meager 50,000 yuan available to set up the cafe, while my estimated investment was at least 500,000 yuan to realize my business ideas. Thus, this 450,000 yuan gap became our concern, and we had no mood to sleep. We both rested our chins on our hands, looking at each other helplessly for a long time!! We had promised each other that the money for investing in the cafe absolutely couldn’t trouble Ban Die to solve.
Miyao finally seemed to make up her mind and said to me, “Zhaoyang, what if we use the money Auntie gave me for this investment first…”
“This is absolutely not acceptable. First of all, my investment budget is at least 500,000 yuan. Also, I think you secretly want to find an opportunity to repay them… Or, I can sell or mortgage my house in Xuzhou first for a loan… But I need to inform Ban Die and Mom first.”
Miyao was immediately doubtful, “In the eyes of the older generation, the house is the foundation of life. Would they agree?”
I was immediately filled with worry. Although Mom hadn’t expressed her opinion, Ban Die had clearly stated his disapproval of my opening a cafe. I thought: I still needed to calm down tonight and carefully understand what he had told me today, in order to find an answer that could fit the future life of Miyao and me.
Judging from this, life back in Xuzhou wasn’t as simple and easy as we had imagined… and this was only the beginning.
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