It’s the law of the jungle that when a wall starts to fall, everyone pushes it down. Actually, I had foreseen this outcome long ago. The reason her advertising company grew so rapidly this past year was entirely due to her prestigious family background. Now that her family has fallen apart, the foundation that held everything together is gone. Based on this, the same events will cause her to climb higher than others, but also fall harder and more painfully than anyone else.
Finally, I said to Yan Yan, “I know where she is. I’m going to find her now. You should go home and rest early. You’ve just had surgery and mustn’t catch a chill.”
Yan Yan instinctively looked down at her abdomen, where the child she once carried was no longer there. Her eyes moistened; my concern had touched her painful memories. Apologetically, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and whispered, “Don’t think about it anymore. Only with the right man will a child be born into happiness. You did nothing wrong; the fault lies with Fangyuan. He will surely get what’s coming to him.”
Yan Yan looked at me and said, “Zhaoyang, I’d rather he doesn’t get what’s coming to him and just continues living the life he wants.”
“Don’t you hate him?”
“I do hate him… but we lived together for seven years… I loved him too… Let him be. At least he wanted to keep that child. He remembers those seven years we had. It’s just… well, there’s no point talking about it anymore. Go find Weiwei now and call me the moment you find her.”
“Okay, drive safely on your way home.”
…
After saying goodbye to Yan Yan, I didn’t leave immediately. I stood in front of a small street stall selling hot dry noodles, lit a cigarette, and breathed in the humid air, which I disliked, along with the pervasive smell of gasoline. I also disliked the feeling of revisiting this place. The moment I stepped foot on this city’s soil again, I felt unsteady, as though I could see my soul swaying inside my body!
Finally, I threw away the cigarette butt and hailed a taxi. My destination was the moat I had visited countless times before. Perhaps Leyao would be there—she must be there. Other than there, she had nowhere else to go, rejected by the entire world.
The taxi took me out of that city that seemed like an illusion, and I finally arrived at the edge of the moat. This familiar river still flowed endlessly, seemingly whispering gently, or perhaps using the reflection of the moon to express desire… once making Leyao and me regard this place as a paradise in reality.
After taking a few steps, I saw that familiar figure. She was sitting on the guardrail, facing the flowing river, holding a bottle of strong liquor in her hand. She raised the bottle and took a swig, then coughed violently. She grabbed the top of the guardrail with one hand to keep herself from falling into the river, but the saliva and liquor that spilled from her mouth in sorrow had already flowed away with the river…
I silently stood behind her and took the bottle from her hand. Anger seemed to be her instinctive expression. She turned to look at me… and her expression instantly froze. Then, as if drunk, she pointed at me with a smile and said, “Zhaoyang… am I dreaming?… Definitely dreaming, how could you be here!”
Her right hand rested on my shoulder while her left hand tried to snatch the bottle back from me…
I grabbed her left arm to stop her and threw the bottle into the river. She glared at me in anger and raised her hand to slap my face. Instinctively, I dodged and pulled her down from the guardrail. It was too dangerous for her to sit there after drinking so much strong liquor.
She looked at me and laughed, then sighed, “Am I stupid?… Even unable to distinguish reality from dreams. If only this were a dream, then I could leave all… all the pain behind in the dream… When I wake up, I’d still be that self-important Leyao!”
“I know you don’t want to face it, but… you’re not dreaming!”
Leyao looked at me with a dazed expression, swaying unsteadily on her feet, “Not a dream… not a dream, then why are you here? Shouldn’t you be living your desired life in Xuzhou?”
“I heard about your situation and couldn’t stop worrying, so I rushed to Suzhou overnight… You look worse than I imagined. Do you know how dangerous you were just now? You could have fallen into the river at any moment!”
Suddenly, Leyao tugged at my collar and dragged me again to the edge of the guardrail, leaning over to look at the flowing river below and said, “Zhaoyang, do you believe me? There must be a mysterious passage beneath this river. As long as you reach the end of this passage, your soul can find rest… But I know I can’t leave this world yet, so I just sit on this guardrail… drinking on the guardrail. It would be best if I fell in, but if I can’t fall in, I’ll just keep enduring… enduring until I don’t want to endure anymore, enduring until I have the courage to jump!”
“Leyao, you’ve had too much to drink…”
“Too much to drink?… Haha, but when people hit a rough patch they can’t get through, don’t they all like to drown their sorrows in alcohol? That’s just human nature! Why should I pretend to be calm in this unstoppable current?”
“Everything will pass… life must go on.”
Leyao laughed even harder, “Zhaoyang… the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life was trying to find a place called Sky City with your help… Now you’re talking to me about life, I’ve long since lost the ability to tell reality from fantasy…” She laughed and then cried, her emotions nearing the breaking point.
Seeing her cry made me even more upset… but I lacked the courage to open my arms and embrace her, embrace her in this fragile and sensitive moment. And she seemed not to need my embrace either. She climbed back onto the guardrail, crying, gazing at the ceaseless river below. The hazy lights wrapped around her body, but I felt not a shred of safety. Thus, even this moat I had seen countless times seemed to be imagined, and even the feelings between Leyao and me over the years seemed to be born of fantasy. There had never been a woman named Mi Cai in my life; everything was just a fantasy…
How wonderful it would be if this were an imagined world, then there would be no ups and downs of fame and fortune, no troubles in love, no falling out with brothers… But this damn wind blew so strongly, tearing away the shell of illusion, revealing cruel fangs that shredded us helplessly, leaving us battered and broken!
Another gust of wind came, and her body swayed so frailly in it. My resolve finally collapsed completely. From behind her, I gently embraced her. She felt this real touch and gripped my hand tightly, afraid I would leave. Thus, under the pressure of her grasp, I held her tighter and tighter… but all I faced was her back. Except for the tears scalding my hand, everything else fell again into the realm of falsehood… I didn’t like this feeling at all. It had troubled me for many years, which is why I always avoided every moment with Leyao. Perhaps it wasn’t that I no longer loved her, but that I was afraid of being destroyed by this feeling!! That’s why I was so addicted to the simplicity and ease I felt with Mi Cai…
Leyao sobbed, asking in broken sentences, “Zhaoyang, why did you come looking for me?… Is it out of sympathy? Or… or do you think… think that I’m just pitiful?”
Actually, sympathy and pity have no essential difference. Leyao had always been a woman of rigorous logic, so she changed her words halfway through that last sentence. She didn’t ask the question she truly wanted to ask in her heart, fearing that I would give her an answer that would hurt even more.
“I’m not sympathetic to you, nor do I pity you. I just care about you… Leyao, can we talk properly? Maybe there’s still a chance for things to turn around.”
“A chance? Do you know how serious the ‘double regulation’ investigation is?… At a time like this, everyone who was in the same network as my mother is busy protecting themselves and clearing their names, who would dare to speak up for her… Haha, I can’t blame anyone, she brought it upon herself… But Zhaoyang, do you know? Her failure is my pain… I can’t believe she did so many violations, always preaching about integrity… I used to think all the family’s wealth came from my father’s company… but they still couldn’t escape the fundamental problem of collusion between officials and businessmen… They haven’t faced legal punishment yet, but they’ve already given me a death sentence… I’m in so much pain, so much pain that I want to die!”
“Leyao, I’m really heartbroken seeing you like this. Can you be a little stronger?… You must know that even if they took the wrong path, they still love you. That’s why you haven’t been implicated in these incidents. You must keep living, waiting for the day they clear their names. You’ll still have a complete family. If you can’t take care of yourself, they’ll feel worse and more guilty, so how can they focus on clearing their own names?”
Leyao tilted her head up, tears streaming down, “Haha… I’m just the daughter of a corrupt official!… I don’t know what kind of courage or face I still have to keep living.”
“This isn’t your fault… why torture yourself like this?”
The wind blew harder and harder. The starlight and city lights shimmered on the river like celebratory fireworks, but the tragedy wouldn’t stop when dawn came tomorrow… and yet, I had to leave Suzhou. I had come all this way, but I couldn’t even stay one night here. Leaving was my destiny…
Finally, Leyao let go of the arms that had been embracing her. She whispered to me, “Zhaoyang, will you come up and sit with me for a while? An hour later, you can go where you need to go… don’t look back at me anymore. I can’t promise you anything, but I will try my best to keep going… of course, I won’t be like today again, holding a bottle of wine and dangerously sitting on this guardrail, because… your coming here has already been a comfort to me… Everything, everything, is just like a kite flying across the sky. When there’s a string, it’s not free; when the string breaks, it’s waiting for a reckless fall!”
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