On the rooftop of the 18th floor, Fang Yuan stood under the eaves that sheltered from the rain, his back to me. A cigarette burned between his fingers. When the smoke diffused beneath the lamp, it merged with the moisture in the air, filling this limited space with an indistinguishable illusion. Only the sound of rain and the scent of tobacco felt real.
He turned around and said with a calm smile, “I knew you would come eventually.”
“I’m not surprised you could predict my arrival, because you’ve always been scheming against me,” I replied, already standing beside him.
He shrugged slightly, finally lifting his hand and narrowing his eyes as he took a deep drag from his cigarette. After a long pause, he said, “Do you see the rain falling now?”
Instinctively, I looked up. The raindrops, as if searching for a destination, hurriedly fell toward the earth. But under the neon lights, they sometimes expanded, sometimes contracted, making everything I saw remain an indistinguishable illusion. Finally, I replied, “I see it.”
Fang Yuan nodded, wearing an unusual smile as he said, “Why does it rain? Sometimes it follows a pattern, sometimes it’s just a sudden cloud bringing an unexpected downpour.”
“Rain falls because the world is too greasy. Rain washes away sins that people cannot cleanse themselves. That’s why after the rain, there’s often a sense of renewal…”
Fang Yuan looked at me, then leaned forward to observe the hurried figures moving through the rain below. After another deep drag of his cigarette, he said, “According to your logic, we shouldn’t reject the rain, because it cleanses this greasy world.”
“But grease can’t be washed away completely. No matter how hard it rains, it only offers psychological comfort. When the sun rises again, new sins will sprout and grow. Birth, aging, illness, and death will still torment people’s nerves!”
“Yes, just like the people downstairs. We can’t see their faces or expressions, but each of those raincoat-clad bodies has endured loss and separation. We stand high above and can view it all lightly, but for them personally, these experiences are the pain etched into their very bones… Therefore, I agree this is a world full of stains, and on a moral level, I am one of those stains… However!”
I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
“If one day I, this stain, die, I hope the people I loved and the brothers who cared for me would shed a single tear for me. That would make my death more peaceful…!” He paused, then added, “Zhaoyang, have you ever experienced it?… When my parents fled from debts, I was all alone at home—no water, no electricity, yet I still had to wash clothes and cook. No red envelopes, no one to talk to, while outside, firecrackers echoed everywhere during the New Year… That day, I watched the city lights illuminate the entire world, yet I was hiding in darkness, unseen by anyone… This damn world offers no sense of security! The eyes see only illusions, because who knows what might happen in the next second? Only what you feel inside is real!”
I remained silent for a long time before finally saying, “Did you call me here just to say all this and make me pity your unhappy past?”
“I didn’t mean it that way. Some things just feel better said than kept inside.”
A flicker of sympathy stirred in me, but I still replied expressionlessly, “But you’ve chosen the wrong person to talk to… I’m not interested in hearing this.”
“OK, if you don’t want to hear it, I won’t say more… Actually, the reason I called you here is to advise you—don’t marry Mi Cai without Yan Zhuomei’s approval. Otherwise, the consequences will be beyond your imagination!”
A natural tremor passed through my heart, and I involuntarily felt the invisible pressure from Yan Zhuomei. I remained silent for a long time before finally asking, “What kind of consequences?”
“I’m not exactly sure, but think about this woman—consider the era she was born into and the experiences she’s had… Taking Mi Cai away is currently her top priority. If you insist on going against her will, don’t rule out the possibility of her taking unconventional measures. I truly don’t think there’s anything she wouldn’t do. Otherwise, how could a woman run such a massive energy business in the capital market?”
My emotions surged, and I replied in a raised tone, “You’re just trying to scare me!”
Fang Yuan stubbed out his cigarette, still calm as he said, “You don’t need to be so hostile toward me. Tell me, what benefit would I gain if you and Mi Cai can’t get married? I’d actually prefer it if you two stayed in Xuzhou, far away from me… I’m advising you because I still consider you, Zhaoyang, my brother!”
“Do you even deserve to say the word ‘brother’?”
“I know I don’t deserve it. You can doubt my intentions, but I’ve said everything I needed to say with a clear conscience. As for your choice, that’s up to you. No one can control you!”
After saying this, Fang Yuan left decisively. Meanwhile, the rain continued to pour relentlessly onto this greasy world. But under the eaves where I stood, I felt safe. I couldn’t sense the danger of this greasy world, even feeling that all threats were controllable. Therefore, I was completely unwilling to believe what Fang Yuan had said.
On the rooftop of the 18th floor, I listened to the continuous sound of rain and smoked one cigarette before finally choosing to leave.
…
After descending downstairs, I found Mi Cai already waiting for me on the sofa in the hotel lobby. When she saw me coming out of the elevator, she picked up the small handbag I had recently bought for her and walked over. I looked at her carefully, but she remained as calm as always, making it impossible for me to guess what Mi Lan had said to her earlier.
Mi Cai smiled slightly and hooked her arm through mine as we walked out of the hotel. Finally, I couldn’t help but ask, “What did Mi Lan talk to you about just now?”
“She just said some words of blessing… She lamented how innocent we were as kids, and now both of us are already married women!!”
“That’s all?”
Mi Cai countered, “What else?”
“Uh… I was just asking casually. You don’t have to take it seriously.”
Mi Cai nodded, speaking playfully, “Zhaoyang, I didn’t feel full just now! Let’s go to the supermarket and buy some frozen dumplings. You can cook them for me later!”
“No need to go to the supermarket. We already have some at home.” I said, taking out the umbrella from the handbag, opening it, and walking with Mi Cai along the damp pavement toward the parking lot. I couldn’t help but turn back to look at the hotel behind us, which was about to host our wedding. I imagined what the scene would be like on that day—would every guest walking down the red carpet truly be blessing Mi Cai and me with sincerity?
…
Back home, Mi Cai didn’t mention wanting to eat dumplings again, which made me think she had intentionally changed the subject just now. I was sure Mi Lan had told her something, but she didn’t seem willing to share it with me. Considering that Fang Yuan had also approached me separately, I could vaguely guess something. However, due to my longing for the wedding, I chose not to press further, silently accepting her silence.
After washing up, we lay in bed. She still held her exam materials, yawning while reading. I said to her, “You’re in such a bad state right now. Don’t read anymore.”
“Just twenty more minutes, then I’ll sleep. I’ve already gotten used to it.”
Looking at the time, it was indeed still early. I nodded, then picked up a book related to the gaming industry and started reading. Soon after, I unknowingly fell asleep without realizing it.
Not sure how long had passed, I began to dream. I dreamed of our upcoming wedding. The dream felt so real that I could clearly see the expressions on the faces of everyone attending… Soon, we reached the ring exchange ceremony, but suddenly the situation changed. The previously clear sky turned stormy, and dust filled my eyes, blinding me. Still, I struggled to open them. Through the narrow slits, I saw Mi Cai lifting the hem of her wedding dress, running barefoot into the distance… She had become a runaway bride. I nearly collapsed, screaming desperately behind her, but my feet felt cursed, unable to move even a single step forward… The ground began to collapse, and my world was swallowed by an overwhelming darkness. I felt increasingly suffocated… Until I finally woke up from the suffocation! Sweat had already poured from my forehead. I realized: this was definitely a nightmare!
I tried not to make any noise, slowly calming my emotions amidst the continuous sound of rain… Eventually, I calmed down, and Mi Cai’s breathing became clear to me.
I was very sensitive to her breathing. I subtly noticed that her breath wasn’t very steady. It seemed she wasn’t asleep yet. I cautiously asked, “Are you still awake?”
She indeed wasn’t asleep and slightly surprised by my waking up, she replied, “Hmm, why did you wake up?”
“I had a bad dream and got scared awake.”
Mi Cai turned over to face me directly, showing concern as she asked, “What was the dream about?”
Prompted by her question, the dream replayed in my mind like a movie, making me feel deeply insecure. Instinctively, I pulled her closer and said, “I dreamed that during the wedding, you left me behind, running far away. I couldn’t move my legs to follow you… I was already breaking down in the dream.”
“It was just a dream. Don’t take it too seriously. Besides, dreams always show the opposite of reality…”
Although it was just a simple comfort, my heart inexplicably felt reassured because I sensed her genuine emotion. Therefore, she would never reenact that dream in reality. I softly exhaled and asked her, “What about you? Why are you still awake? I’ve hardly ever seen you have insomnia!”
…
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