Faced with my confusion, Mi Cai remained calm. She tidied her slightly disheveled hair and replied, “We’re getting married the day after tomorrow. I think any woman facing such a moment would experience emotional fluctuations.”
The quiet night made me more perceptive, and I questioned again, “Is your insomnia merely due to pre-wedding emotions? I find it hard to believe!”
Meeting my inquiring gaze, Mi Cai looked directly at me. Her expression suddenly turned gentle, so gentle that it could melt me. She softly placed her hand on my face and smiled as she said, “Zhaoyang, marriage represents a new beginning for me. If I were a normal person, I would naturally think a lot about the upcoming changes in life and have many expectations for you. Do you understand these kinds of feelings a woman might have?”
I pondered briefly and finally nodded, replying, “Of course I do.”
“Since you understand, why think so much? We’ve already promised each other that as long as one person doesn’t give up on this relationship, the other won’t either. Although it’s not a grand vow of eternal love, it’s enough for us.”
I stared at the ceiling for a long time, repeatedly contemplating this simple promise that wasn’t as grand as eternal love. Eventually, I felt a sense of security and replied, “Indeed, it is enough. We met when we were 26. Now we’re 28. These two years have seen our lives repeatedly broken and repaired. Our lives have been patched together after experiencing ups and downs. Having seen through all this, we should have sufficient confidence to face any future difficulties.”
“Mm, I understand what you mean!” As Mi Cai spoke, she moved closer to me. At that moment, within my wandering soul, she sought the sense of security she desperately needed. Actually, when she hugged me, my soul finally found peace within her presence. Perhaps from the day we met, she had unknowingly given me a greater sense of security.
Instinctively, I held her tightly. She soon fell asleep, while I remained awake, at times feeling dazed and at other times excited as I became increasingly dependent on her. I couldn’t fall asleep again until morning, when my mother had already arrived at our place and prepared breakfast for us.
…
Beside the dining table was a window that should have been bright, but incessant rain blurred the glass. I felt somewhat irritable because of the gloomy weather, until I looked at Mi Cai beside me, which gradually eased my irritation. Then I began my day’s busy routine.
Friends coming from other cities arrived one after another, and almost all the rooms I had arranged beforehand were already occupied. However, Yan Yan truly didn’t come to our wedding as she had previously indicated. Thinking about it, I understood. After all, Mi Lan and Fang Yuan had already arrived in Xuzhou ahead of time. Why should Yan Yan bring her not-yet-fully-healed pain to face these two people?
In the evening, Yan Yan called me again, expressing her apologies for not being able to come and offer her blessings. Before ending the call, I couldn’t help asking her about Jian Wei’s recent situation. She told me: Jian Wei would go to the United States in a few days, and her classmates there had already prepared initial funding for her. Jian Wei just needed to go there for a meeting, and the situation seemed relatively optimistic. This eased my concerns somewhat. After ending the call with Yan Yan, I closed my eyes for a long time before lighting my first cigarette of the day on the hotel rooftop. I felt relieved that life hadn’t completely left Jian Wei in despair, as she now showed signs of hope emerging from desperation.
The smoke drifted from my mouth but irritated the person standing beside me. She waved the smoke away while complaining, “Zhaoyang, are you deliberately blowing smoke in my direction?”
Only then did I realize that the person beside me was Leyao. I extinguished the cigarette I had barely smoked, replying, “The wind is blowing northward at this moment. Naturally, I’m smoking in the direction of the wind. Who would deliberately target you?”
“Is the wind really blowing north?” Leyao said, lifting her hair. When the wind blew, the strands she held in her hand scattered downward and finally draped back over her shoulders. Only then did she believe it was a north wind, and she added, “Looks like it’s hard to smoke against the wind.”
I turned my back and leaned against the railing, smiling as I replied, “Actually, there’s not much difference between smoking with or against the wind. What’s truly terrifying is the unexpected adversity in life, which often catches us off guard and is difficult to handle.”
“…Hehe, suddenly being so negative, have you developed pre-wedding anxiety?”
Seeing her delighted expression at my discomfort, I felt somewhat displeased and replied with a serious face, “What do you have to do with whether I have it or not?”
“Of course, it has nothing to do with me since your bride isn’t me, Leyao!”
I looked at her without responding, suddenly feeling regret for being too casual just now and extinguishing a cigarette I had barely smoked. So I picked up the cigarette from the balcony again, wiped it on my clothes, and put it back in my mouth, lighting it once more…
Leyao still stood on the north side where the smoke drifted without leaving. After a long while, she spoke in a low voice, “Zhaoyang, I can tell that your condition isn’t good. What exactly are you afraid of? Or is it that subconsciously you don’t truly love Mi Cai and are resisting this marriage?”
I squinted at her and replied, “Why would I resist this marriage? And where exactly do you see me not loving Mi Cai enough?”
“You don’t need to get so excited. I’m just speaking from experience. We’ve known each other for quite some time now, having experienced life’s ups and downs together. I believe no one understands the fear of time’s power better than us. It can change a person’s determination and alter the love that was painstakingly maintained. Actually, in this world, there aren’t that many things we can truly control, right?”
I pursed my lips, lowered my head, and finally chose silence as my response… Leyao closed her eyes, facing the farthest horizon where even the rain seemed unreal. There, she only saw a mass of clouds lazily changing shapes…
“Zhaoyang, I’ve heard some things about Mi Cai’s mother. If you truly love Mi Cai and care about your future together, you should ask her for a child as soon as possible… That way, her mother won’t act too harshly toward you, especially since you already have a child. Moreover, I can tell that Mi Cai has strong maternal instincts. Even in the worst-case scenario, if you really make some mistakes in the future, because of the child, she will choose to forgive you…”
I took a deep puff of my cigarette and replied, “Perhaps you’re right!”
Leyao smiled. She tidied her hair, which had become somewhat disheveled from the wind, and looked at me as she said, “Seriously, a child is the best bond for you two… Because, despite your seemingly rebellious nature, deep down inside you harbor a deep affection for children… Perhaps if I hadn’t taken the initiative to terminate that pregnancy, the outcome we face now would have been completely different. Even though you never truly invested genuine feelings in me, that child could have become everything to you… Perhaps I’ve misjudged everything about you, Zhaoyang, but I’m absolutely certain about this point!”
I was somewhat stunned, but she wasn’t wrong. If she hadn’t taken the initiative to terminate that pregnancy and had been willing to keep the child, I would definitely have forgotten everything for the sake of that unexpected child, building a family with her and waiting for the child’s arrival, even if my heart wasn’t ready to become a father!
Seeing that I didn’t respond, Leyao shrugged and took the cigarette I had picked up from the ground and continued smoking. She placed it at her lips and took a deep puff. When all the smoke had drifted from her mouth, she looked at the cigarette in her hand and said, “The pressure in the film and television industry is enormous. Sometimes I also smoke on set.”
“Uh-huh.” I responded briefly, my mind continuously thinking about the matter of having children. With Leyao’s reminder, I became even more convinced that my current sense of unease was simply because Mi Cai and I didn’t yet have a child. Once we truly had a child, could Yan Zhuo still have the heart to break us apart?
…
“Zhaoyang, we should go back now!”
I turned my head and saw that Mi Cai had unknowingly stood behind Leyao and me. When Leyao also turned to look at her, Mi Cai smiled at Leyao in a friendly manner, and Leyao responded with a smile before discarding the cigarette butt.
I asked Mi Cai, “Have you finished talking with An Zong and the others?”
“Mm.”
“Have they already planned how they’ll play tricks on me when I go to pick you up?”
Mi Cai countered with a question, “Are you scared already?”
“How could I be scared? I’m just worried they won’t come up with anything new to challenge me. When I easily solve their tricks, it’ll be they who feel embarrassed!”
“Then let’s see.”
I pretended to look dejected, hugging Mi Cai’s shoulder as I said, “Judging from your tone, have you already united with that group of troublemakers who don’t mind stirring things up?”
“No, we haven’t formed a united front! I just believe in the principle that what is obtained too easily won’t be cherished, so I support them setting some obstacles for you.”
Seeing our intimate posture, Leyao tactfully left us some space. The large rooftop was now left only with me and Mi Cai, along with the drizzling raindrops that seemed like living creatures clamoring about…
Mi Cai and I leaned on the railing. She blew away the cigarette ash Leyao had left there after smoking, and after a moment of silence, she asked me, “What time are you planning to take me to my godparents’ place? (Due to family reasons, Mi Cai had adopted godparents in Xuzhou to complete the wedding ritual of picking up the bride!)”
“Maybe after dinner.”
Mi Cai nodded. After a brief pause, I said, “I’ve calculated that these days are your most fertile period. I was thinking…”
Mi Cai looked at me… She clearly understood my thoughts but didn’t respond.
Her expression made me feel some pressure. However, my heart, stirred by Leyao’s words, couldn’t care about much else. After taking a deep breath, I continued, “All our friends have arrived, and there’s still an empty room we haven’t canceled. So… or maybe we can go home now. If we miss this opportunity, we’ll have to wait another month!”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage