The sunset gradually sank behind the towering buildings across from us, and that last ray of light grew weaker and weaker, vanishing before our very eyes, leaving behind the flavor of the entire day and the noise preceding the arrival of night.
I seemed to see through everything before me, and saw myself wandering in this mundane world, my loneliness painfully obvious. I turned to look at Mi Cai beside me, smiled slightly, and replied in the same calm tone as hers, “I’m also sick of those people who live by acting every day, but no matter how well they perform, all heaven gives them is a face with the same five features as ours, and the time we all must face. So even if they hurt me, I don’t want to feel sad or desperate. If the world is fair, one day I will live better and happier than them!”
“Mm.”
“What about you? How do you want to live in the future?” I asked while looking down and rubbing a raised floor tile with my foot.
“Be the best version of myself.”
I nodded, my gaze somewhat unfocused as I looked across the square at the rows of small shops and snack stands, and saw again the group of noisy children who had been especially rowdy at dusk, now walking home with their parents under the streetlights, heads lowered. They were growing, brewing joys and sorrows of the adult world, but this did not prevent them from secretly savoring the beauty of their earlier playfulness.
Night had already arrived, and the entire road was filled with vehicles stuck in the rush hour traffic. Mi Cai and I let go of each other’s hands and walked together towards the nearby bus stop, waiting for passing taxis. We didn’t exchange any further words, burdened with thoughts, until we arrived at the building where Zhuo Mei worked. This place remained a shopping paradise representing the highest purchasing power in the city, yet no one cared how many tiring struggles for fame and fortune occurred beneath this materialistic prosperity.
We waited under scattered streetlights when Yan Zhuo Mei got out of a car right on time. Carrying a black handbag, she came to stand before us, and my heart was filled with complicated feelings. I somewhat hated her—hated her for being difficult, for her selfishness, and for her unwillingness to support us.
Yan Zhuo Mei ignored Mi Cai and meaningfully said to me, “Young man, we meet again.”
I replied in a low voice, “Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to say I’m glad to see you.”
Yan Zhuo Mei shrugged, “That’s not necessarily true. This time, you might welcome me.”
I silently looked at her. I really had nothing more to say to her and never thought I would actually be glad to see her. Because she had never treated Mi Cai with the proper attitude a mother should give her daughter. What she gave Mi Cai was abandonment during childhood and coercion in adulthood. Perhaps she was exactly the “number one actress” Mi Cai had mentioned—performing all the while, unscrupulous in pursuing her goals.
Yan Zhuo Mei’s attitude was not as sharp or oppressive as last time. She smiled again and said to me, “After living abroad for so many years, constantly busy and tired, I never had time, nor anyone to accompany me to taste those roadside snacks that you can just walk up and eat. I really miss the simplicity of decades ago in China—just a table, a bowl of porridge, a steamer of buns, and a dish of pickles, and that was a meal… I wonder if today I might have the chance to relive those memories from decades ago?”
Mi Cai, no longer as resistant to Yan Zhuo Mei as before, took over the conversation and said to me, “I remember there’s a snack street not far to the north. They should have these things there, right?”
I nodded. Mi Cai was right. There really was a snack street there, with “Huifang Restaurant” which both I and Fang Yuan used to frequent often. Last winter, Fang Yuan and I had our last lunch together in that restaurant, still calling each other brothers.
Suddenly, Yan Zhuo Mei linked arms with Mi Cai. At first glance, they looked like a loving mother and daughter, but Mi Cai instinctively changed her expression. Perhaps there had never been such an intimate physical gesture between her and Yan Zhuo Mei. But in the end, she didn’t pull away emotionally and calmly accepted it. Thus, I saw the smile on Yan Zhuo Mei’s face—she looked genuinely heartfelt for that brief moment.
…
In the alley filled with the smell of cooking oil, Yan Zhuo Mei linked arms with Mi Cai, walking side by side, while I walked ahead leading the way. Although we weren’t talking much, at least the scene looked harmonious.
I intended to quietly pass by “Huifang Restaurant,” but the sharp-eyed and enthusiastic owner spotted me and grabbed my arm, saying, “Zhaoyang, what have you been up to lately? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you!”
I didn’t know how to explain my recent days to her, so I just smiled and replied, “Just been busy with random stuff. Nothing compared to the real business you’re running here.”
“Of course! Our Huifang Restaurant is honest and fair, built entirely on regular customers. You know, your good brother Fang Yuan comes here every few days to eat and have a little drink. But he hasn’t brought you along for a long time. I asked him about you, and he just said you’re busy and wouldn’t say more!”
Subconsciously, I looked up at the restaurant’s simple signboard. I wondered why Fang Yuan, now general manager of Zhuo Mei, still came to this “Huifang Restaurant.” Was it to reminisce about those unrecoverable times?
In the owner’s eyes, I had always been a quiet person, so she didn’t need my response and continued asking me nonstop, “I also heard from others—has Fang Yuan been doing poorly lately? He always comes here alone to drink gloomily. Once, he was so distracted that even after his glass was full, he still kept pouring, wasting half a bottle of good wine!”
I squinted my eyes, preventing the spicy fumes from the restaurant from irritating them. I seemed to see the owner, who also worked as the chef in the kitchen, chopping red-hot peppers into pieces and tossing them into the wok. Once upon a time, Fang Yuan and I had loved sitting there, eating those dishes that looked unappetizing but were extremely spicy, drinking beer in big gulps, talking about our work troubles, and complaining about those inhumane bosses…
I was momentarily dazed before finally saying to Auntie Huifang, “Did you see that Zhuo Mei shopping mall across the street?”
“What do you mean ‘see’? My husband and I often go there for a walk. We just haven’t bought anything there—it’s too expensive. Oh, right! Last year I bought my daughter a mobile phone there for over 5000 yuan. That’s definitely not a place ordinary people can afford!”
“…Fang Yuan is the general manager of that mall!”
The owner was so shocked that her mouth dropped open… I left her with a promise that I would come back someday and chased after Mi Cai and Yan Zhuo Mei under her incredulous gaze. I remembered there was a small snack shop at the end of the street selling steamed buns and porridge. They didn’t serve alcohol there, but most people seemed quite happy while eating.
…
At Lao Lin’s Bun Shop, Mi Cai and Yan Zhuo Mei had already taken their seats. The aisle was filled with customers coming and going, and the owner and his wait staff were so busy that most impatient eaters stood beside the steamer waiting for the buns to come out so they could grab them themselves. However, Mi Cai and Yan Zhuo Mei clearly didn’t understand this rule and just sat there waiting. In contrast, I felt like a fish in water in such a setting. I skillfully prepared the vinegar they would dip their buns in, along with two small side dishes, and then squeezed into the crowd waiting to get the freshly steamed buns.
A moment later, I placed the still-steaming steamer in front of Mi Cai and Yan Zhuo Mei, and poured each of them a bowl of porridge. Finally, I sat down around the tiny table with them—Mi Cai and I still sitting together while Yan Zhuo Mei sat alone on the other side. She tasted the steamed buns before us, and her eyes revealed a hint of nostalgia. She put down her chopsticks and said to Mi Cai and me, “More than twenty years ago, I was pregnant with Xiaocai. Zhongxin was busy with work and didn’t have much time to take care of me. But every evening, he would bring home some porridge and steamed buns from here. I loved eating them because the owner here was very particular about his business—each steamed bun was thin-skinned and filled with plenty of stuffing…” At this point, Yan Zhuo Mei, a woman who had always been proud and aloof, actually had tears in her eyes. She continued, “In that era when the market economy had just started, eating these things every day was a real luxury. So the only one in the family who could eat like that was me. I’ll never forget: Zhongxin worked so hard back then. When I gave birth to Xiaocai, this strong man had lost so much weight that he weighed only 120 pounds… At that time, I vowed I couldn’t let my family live in poverty anymore. I kept waiting for an opportunity, desperately waiting…”
She didn’t continue. Her expression pained, she fell into silence. Mi Cai had already placed her hands over her eyes, but tears still trickled down from beneath her palms. Some past memories were painful wounds in her heart.
Yan Zhuo Mei shook her head, closed her eyes, and sighed deeply before speaking again, “Indeed, a few years later I finally got my opportunity. But I ignored the fact that although I, Yan Zhuo Mei, had no parents, Zhongxin did have family ties back home. Perhaps I was selfish, never treating my mother-in-law as my own mother nor taking Zhongxin’s domestic career seriously. I resolutely left for the United States… After arriving in America, I found that many things were beyond my control. But in my life philosophy, there’s no such thing as turning back. To survive, I kept changing myself, adapting to this completely unfamiliar world. The loneliness and helplessness of being in a foreign land were like poison, breaking down the defenses of the human heart… But I endured. I fought my way to a vast world for myself… All thanks to my character. However, I also paid the price for this character… When I reached the twilight of my life, I had no family anymore!”
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