Yan Zhuomei’s heartfelt confession completely changed my perception of her. I didn’t doubt her sincerity, but I also understood this was an emotional card she was playing. Regardless of how unforgiving Mi Cai might be about her past actions, Yan Zhuomei remained Mi Cai’s biological mother. When she spoke about her reasons for leaving and her past with Mi Zhongxin, Mi Cai couldn’t bear to see her so lonely anymore…
Seeing Mi Cai’s expression change, Yan Zhuomei turned to her and said, “Xiaocai, I can be misunderstood by everyone else, but you are my daughter. I truly hope you can forgive my past mistakes and come back to me, okay?”
Mi Cai remained silent…
Yan Zhuomei then turned to me and said, “Zhaoyang, I heard that the girl you first loved suffered a serious brain injury due to an accident… This time, I didn’t return to China alone. I’ve brought with me from the Mayo Clinic in the United States internationally renowned neurology experts who specialize in helping coma patients regain consciousness. What I mean is: nothing deserves more respect than life itself. We must do everything possible to help this girl wake up. If the medical equipment isn’t available here, I’ll arrange to transport it from the U.S., so she can receive the highest level of medical care right here in China.”
I looked at her in surprise. No wonder she had said earlier that I would welcome her return to China. She had indeed brought me a gift I couldn’t possibly refuse!
She continued, “Although I live abroad, I know everything that happens here. I understand you must suspect me in your first love’s accident, but I would never do something so foolish. Obviously, someone else has taken the opportunity to smear me. As for who that someone might be, I believe you have the ability to find out.”
I furrowed my brow in thought, while Mi Cai’s expression turned grim. Suddenly, I realized that Yan Zhuomei had been emphasizing that Jian Wei was my first love all along. This touched the most sensitive nerve in Mi Cai’s heart, subtly widening the emotional distance between us. Effortlessly, she had manipulated our thoughts, leaving us no room to argue, only to listen.
Then she continued speaking to me, “I know you are an idealist. First of all, I don’t oppose idealism. What I dislike is using idealism as an excuse to escape from the harsh realities of society, and blaming one’s failure in competition on self-restraint and restraint… You must understand, this is a materialistic world. We can never survive independently of material needs, and only material things can bring a sense of true security. For instance, look at the tragedy that has befallen your first love. What can your idealism do for her? However, the material resources I control can provide her with the best treatment. Don’t be naive enough to believe those American doctors are all angels full of compassion and idealism… Hmph, there are countless people waiting for treatment, but top-level doctors are few and far between. What ultimately persuaded them to travel thousands of miles to China was still money. I hope you can see this clearly… Please stop using your idealism to hurt my daughter and the people around you. Only leaders have the right to talk about ideals. With just a signature on a document, they can make an entire city rise from the ground, changing countless lives. If you want to talk about ideals, first become a leader yourself. Otherwise, your dreams are nothing more than daydreams!”
Yan Zhuomei’s words kept stirring my heart. I remained silent for a long time before finally raising my head to look at her and ask, “After saying all this, what exactly do you want me to do?”
“Give my daughter a way out, and you’ll also find a way out for yourself… Let me speak frankly. You have never been my ideal son-in-law. I believe you can bring my daughter temporary happiness, but you can’t give her lifelong happiness because I don’t see in you the ability to withstand risks, while this ever-changing world won’t offer you smooth sailing.”
A sharp pain pierced my heart. I kept my head down without arguing with Yan Zhuomei because she had spoken a truth I couldn’t deny. It was my blind trust in friends and my tendency to retreat after setbacks that had caused Mi Cai to completely lose Zhuomei, and naively thought that life in Xuzhou was the life we sought, yet we never truly lived that life well.
Perhaps letting go was the truest love for Mi Cai. I imagined she must be exhausted too. Although I didn’t doubt that we still loved each other, many relationships end in fatigue…
I exhaled softly, my heart pierced by a blade, but I calmly said to Yan Zhuomei, “If this time Mi Cai is willing to go to the U.S. with you, I will wish her well!”
Mi Cai looked at me… I didn’t avoid her gaze but met it, wanting to etch her image into my heart forever.
Yan Zhuomei then looked at Mi Cai, waiting for her response…
Perhaps the answer had already been in Mi Cai’s heart. Without much hesitation, she nodded and replied, “I’m willing to go back to the U.S. with you and live there permanently.”
I didn’t know what expression Yan Zhuomei wore at that moment. I closed my eyes, painfully swallowing, as our nearly two-year relationship came to an end in this way. We didn’t argue, and it was surprisingly calm. Perhaps we both believed that after leaving each other, we would find better lives… So, at the age of 28, we both chose to let go of this relationship, and thus, the promise that “as long as one person doesn’t give up, the other isn’t allowed to give up either” no longer existed.
I opened my eyes. Yan Zhuomei had already finished her congee, put down the spoon, and calmly said, “This congee and the soup dumplings here are really good, but they’re only for nostalgia now. They won’t be part of my daily life anymore. I believe, in a few years, you will all be grateful to me… You will all have better beginnings!”
Since “in a few years” felt too distant, I didn’t respond to that statement. I just said to Mi Cai, “Will you walk with me a little more later?”
“Okay.”
…
When we left the food street, it was already night. Yan Zhuomei, having finally achieved her goal, conscientiously gave Mi Cai and me enough space. She left first by car, leaving only Mi Cai and me walking side by side on the crowded street. We silently looked at the Zhuomei Shopping Center, which was about to be renamed, as if our love had started here and ended here. Neither of us could escape the fate brought by Zhuomei, and Zhuomei itself could not escape the fate given by heaven, just like our love—it was about to cease to exist!
The world became increasingly unreal under the interplay of streetlights and neon signs. The passersby who brushed past me left only fleeting impressions in my heart. I had never felt so empty before. I turned to Mi Cai beside me and softly asked, “Can I hold your hand and walk a bit?”
She didn’t respond with words but immediately took my hand. We walked in unison down the extended street, heading toward another district beyond Zhuomei. From here, walking about ten blocks more would bring us to the square where we often strolled. It had always been a paradise for children, whose laughter often merged into a cheerful song floating into the city’s sky, reminding us adults not to make life too heavy. That was why we loved that place so much.
This city had too many roads—sometimes straight, sometimes curved. We had always walked between these straight and curved paths, seeing the bluestone bricks that formed the city walls, the riverbanks, and sightseeing boats carrying tourists who captured the city’s highlights in their cameras. Perhaps Mi Cai and I were also in their lenses, but when they looked back at these photos, they wouldn’t know how sad we felt walking along this riverside…
We sat down on a bench to rest. I smoked while calculating how much longer it would take to reach the square. Yes, I didn’t want to think about anything else except the distance from here to the square, let alone who else would make me love so deeply again. I tightened Mi Cai’s hand, gently stroking the back of her hand with my thumb, feeling the carved moments in the warmth of her hand.
“Zhaoyang, what do you think of what Yan Zhuomei just said to us?”
“Half acting, half sincere…”
“No matter whether she was acting or sincere, she succeeded, didn’t she?”
“She’s a woman hard to argue with. Actually, the most important thing is that I myself wasn’t good enough, so…”
Mi Cai turned to look at me, her expression serious, and asked, “Now that it’s come to this, do you still believe there is a crystal-clear city in this world?”
“…I believe, but it feels too illusory! Perhaps it’s just a product born out of unbearable pain, carrying the hope to survive.”
The evening breeze blew across the moat again, creating ripples flowing northward. Mi Cai remained silent for a long time. It seemed that after experiencing so much, she was trying to determine whether that city was visible or merely existed in our expectations. Finally, she said to me, “I believe there is such a city, but besides being crystal-clear, it isn’t empty… Behind the city should be a backyard garden, growing colorful flowers and weeds, representing our joys and sorrows, and the diversity of life forms… What we need to preserve is the inner crystal clarity, but we must also learn to appreciate the grayness and vibrancy of the vast world… Only by integrating these can we have a truly living city!”
It was the first time I had heard Mi Cai offer a different perspective on the city I had believed in. In her view, I had once seemed obsessive because of this obsession. I had refused to accept other forms of life, pursuing only that crystal purity, but this clarity had its flaws, making life predictable and devoid of surprises. The best approach, actually, was to cleanse one’s heart, stand in that city, and look at the unimaginable backyard garden, allowing life to become colorful…
It turned out the Sky City wasn’t meant to reside in one’s heart; it should fly into the sky to see inclusiveness, openness, and tolerance… The Sky City didn’t belong solely to oneself because it wasn’t a city representing loneliness. It contained time and life, serving as a guiding, open city for everyone. Whether good or evil people, they were just flowers, trees, and grass in that backyard garden. We bathed in that crystalline light—good people grew, while evil ones perished without repentance… It was the core of this world, the embodiment of human nature, and the law life should follow.
In the evening breeze, I shared my thoughts with Mi Cai. Finally, I saw a hint of a smile on her face. She leaned into my arms and whispered, “Yang, I must go to the U.S., but that doesn’t necessarily mean we have to end our relationship… Yan Zhuomei is always my mother. What she said to us was sincere, but I also understand her intentions. She wants me to go to the U.S., then gradually persuade and reshape me, making me marry and have children there!”
“I know, that’s why she always keeps Leyao by her side. They are all waiting for you to go to the U.S.”
Mi Cai nodded, “Yes… Yesterday at the hospital, seeing Jian Boyu really moved me. After so many years, both my mother and I should calmly face our mother-daughter relationship. I don’t want us to walk the same path as Jian Wei’s family and only realize it too late, which would be too painful!… Actually, I’ve wanted to call her ‘Mom’ for so many years, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it… Also, only after I go to the U.S. will she do her best to help Jian Wei. I hope to see the day when Jian Wei wakes up… I’m also afraid that those bad things might indeed be her doing. If I insist on staying, there might be more tragedies… So, I really have to leave!”
“I understand you!”
“Do you remember the promise we made to each other?”
“As long as one person doesn’t give up, the other isn’t allowed to give up!”
“Now I’m telling you, I won’t give up… Are you willing to keep this promise?”
I gazed at her. Moments ago, my heart had felt like ashes, but now she had brought me back to life. I couldn’t speak for a long time!
Mi Cai sighed, “You’re still the same old you, always so insecure in front of me, handing over the initiative in love to me. Don’t you have the confidence to fight for it once? Or are you so noble that you can sacrifice your own pain to fulfill the happiness Yan Zhuomei offers me?” She said, taking out the necklace with the sailboat pendant I had given her from her blouse.
“I…” My nose felt a little sore.
She held my hands tightly and whispered, “I heard there’s a Mochou Road in Nanjing. Let’s walk there. I still have something to tell you, and then we’ll say our goodbyes on Mochou Road… Neither of us should feel sad about this separation!”
She smiled again, almost as if talking to herself: “Mochou, Mochou… No matter how hard the future may be, don’t be sad, Mochou, Mochou…”
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